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Pre-School and Daycare
kellyware08
member
advice on 4yr old
kellyware08
member
I just wanted to see if anyone has any advice on this. My four year old son just started to play soccer. He loves to kick it around but at his first game, if he didn't get the ball he would start crying. He would fall on the ground and cry. He continued to do this because he couldn't get the ball (and he quit trying) so he sat on the bench for the remainder of the game. He said he didn't want to play. I'm hoping this is a phase but don't know if it's his personality? I'm not sure if he just doesn't want to try something because it is difficult. Even with riding a bike without training wheels...he wanted to try and did really good at it the first day. But then he doesn't want to try anymore, stating "I can't do it." I don't want to push him at anything, but I don't want him to have the attitude of giving up if something is hard. Any advice or am I overreacting?
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Re: advice on 4yr old
LOL. One of the girls on the team we played today had a somewhat similar reaction. She cried every time she was on the field, pouted when her coach tried to cheer her up, and walked off complaining to her grandma that no one was passing to her and that they were going to get in trouble for it.
I think it's good to push kids on their attitudes. You don't want to force them long-term into something they don't enjoy, but I do think that it's absolutely fine to use trying out activities to push them on attitude. You walk a fine line between helping them figure out whether or not they enjoy an activity vs. letting them give up before they give something a chance. Kids need help understanding that hard work and practice is what makes them good -- almost nobody just walks on to the field and knows exactly what to do and is good at it. Some days they're going to have a hard game where they don't feel like they do anything right. Some days are better than others. Even if they have a great game one day, the next week they might fall all over themselves. It's all part of a learning process. Maybe they'll never be very good, and that's okay. They're almost always going to run into someone who's better than they are -- and worse. Learning to try and be a good sport is an important thing for little kids to think about.
There is one girl on our team who is just awesome. Fast, accurate (for a four-YO), coordinated -- she has a bunch of older siblings who play soccer and she just has natural talent and dominates the game. Most of the girls don't have that level of talent, but try really hard -- and the trying is really what counts at this age, IMO.
I think it's just something that you keep encouraging, and hope that eventually the lesson sinks in. You keep coaxing, you call him on the attitude, you suggest things that might be helpful (practice), you praise when he's a good sport and just when he tries rather than emphasizing success. Eventually he'll learn that he gets better if he keeps at something, and then it becomes more self-enforcing.
DD1, 1/5/2008 ~~~ DD2, 3/17/2010
My DS(4) and I are going through some rough times with his first soccer season too. He isn't as fast as his teammates, and he is easily pushed around by the opposing team during matches.
I would push for him to try his hardest because he made a commitment to his teammates, and it isn't fair to them for him to just give up. Let him know that he doesn't have to be the best, but he has to try his hardest. The more he practices the better he will get. If all else fails, I would make him finish the season so he isn't just allowed to quit because he "can't do it" or it is "too hard". Just let him know he needs to finish the season, and if he absolutely does not like it he does not have to sign up next season. Hopefully as the season progresses and so do his skills he will enjoy it more. Good luck!