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October 2011 Moms
Chunstad
member
FFFC
Chunstad
member
I ate a huge 10 oz. See's chocolate bunny. We have two chocolate bunnies that are in the freezer from Easter. I was experiencing severe chocolate cravings the other day, so I took one out to share with DH over wine. He didn't want any, and jokingly said "Ok, that one is yours". So I took it upon myself to eat the whole thing... in two days. What a pig!
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Re: FFFC
Mmm, I love Easter chocolate!
Mine is also food related. I ate several spoonfuls of chocolate frosting yesterday. On its own and before noon. I followed it up with a couple of Tim Horton's smile cookies and a burger and fries from A&W. Oops!
BFP #1: July 12, 2010 Natural M/C: July 26, 2010
BFP #2: January 30 ,2011 Born: September 29, 2011
BFP #3: January 5, 2013 Born: August 25, 2013
My grandfather died last week and I had to travel 6 hours away for the funeral, so I left G with my mom overnight for the first time. I cried more about leaving G for one night than I cried about the fact that my grandfather died. Pathetic!
Also, I am feeling really burnt out and I want to blow off my friends wedding tomorrow.
But I'm also so ready to TTC and have no AF, so I'm guessing I'll need to wean so my body can get back on track.
Boring, I know.
I played hooky from work yesterday because I was "sick". I have had a mild headache for a few days, but as far as DH and work are concerned, my head has been pounding with a migraine all week. I really just needed some time to myself and to be able to go to target and take as long as I like picking out stuff for DD's party and to catch up on missed tv.
I also ate an entire roll of cookie dough over the past two weeks...
L has not been sleeping at all... like up every 2 hours at night and 25 minute naps during the day... I think it's because she's teething, but regardless, it's been torture and definitely testing my patience (and sanity lol)
Anywho.. a couple nights ago.. probably after she woke up for the 3rd or 4th time, I swore at her. I couldn't believe myself and was so mad and shocked that I did it, that of course I started crying .. I just never thought I'd get to the point of that much frustration that I'd swear at her. I started apologizing to her and hugging her... of course she had no idea what was going on, but I still felt like I needed to apologize to her.
This ties in to my other confession...
I am so excited to be going to work the next 2 days... I never thought I'd say that.
I went off of bc 2 weeks ago and when I went to my therapist and told her we were going to TTC in November, she said she wants to lessen the amount of Zoloft I take everyday. I'm not going off completely, but I'm still terrified. I went off when TTC and in the 1st tri with Li and I hit rock bottom. I am so scared of slipping back into that emotional state or getting even close. I'm on 150mg now, but she wants me at 100mg by the end of Oct. I haven't started with 125mg yet, I'm too scared.
It pleases me just a bit that I've lost all my baby weight, but my husband's ex has done nothing but gain weight since I've been with DH.
This! I have such a hard time not laughing at DD when she gets upset over something like taking away an item she is not supposed to have. She also gets so upset when I tell her not to bite me when she is nursing.
Like Spicy said, I am sure it won't be funny when she gets older, but right now I have such a hard time stiffling a laugh when she does her "the world is ending" face.
I am alone with the boys today and I am actually not losing it. I am pretty impressed and surprised at this point. I am sure it will get more difficult as the day goes on, but right now I am pretty ok with what's happening. My confession: I will not tell DH I was ok. I will totally take advantage of his assumption that my day was hell when he gets home tonight. There may be uninterrupted sleep in my future. Maybe even in the basement, on the futon where I hear nothing. With earplugs. Who would have thought that sleeping next to the oil tank could be so appealing.
Another one is, that we are co sleeping with Aidan. I hurt to much to get in and out of bed all the time. And I like it. We did this for a little while with Alastair too, but this time I have a feeling it will last a bit longer.
I just made Alastair cry it out for a much needed nap. It took 45 minutes. He usually cranks for 3. His naps have gone to hell since grandma and grandpa (and it is grandpa's fault) had him while I was at the hospital, as they did not let him crank for even 30 seconds. Now I have a often overtired kid who fights naps. Le sigh. He has been sleeping a while now, which is awesome, I hope he finds some actual rest.
I feel like crap letting him cry this long, but he really needed to sleep and I needed to pump urgently too. I hope he will sleep a while. He needs it and I need a break.
I also feel guilty for Aidan. He spends way less time in my arms than his brother did. He often gets placed in the swing or other infant holding device as soon as he will settle for it. Somehow, I makes me feel like he will resent me one day for that. Mommy guilt. Fruck.
I think it happens to every mom at some point. It happened to me with DD. She wouldn't sleep during the day. She just wouldn't Right from the word go. She just cried. She would catnap in my arms after she nursed (which she was very slow about) but as soon as I moved or tried to put her down she started screaming. I was still up through the night to nurse her every two hours and then one day I put her down to try and get her to nap so I could just sleep. She started screaming and I yelled "SHUT UP!!! FOR ONE HOUR JUST SHUT UP!!!" I felt instantly guilty and called my mom who came over to relieve me so I could get a few hours of sleep. Sleep deprivation is brutal. I confessed to this to some other moms and one of them said, "Oh I had to resist a strong urge to spile my baby like a football because he just wouldn't stop crying. It's times like that where you turn off the baby monitor and go for a bath so you can't hear your baby and you can just rest." They all had similar stories about getting extremely angry at a baby for crying.
We still co-sleep with Violet. We keep saying we will put her in her crib but neither of us want to lose our cuddle bear yet!
Whatever is comfy! With Alastair I was in maternity at 8 weeks.mwith Aidan not before 20. There is no need to be uncomfortable just becausenit's not time yet.
I confessed this a while ago and didn't want to be repetitive... but I am STILL wearning maternity dress pants to work most days. I hate all other pants.
I wore maternity leggings under a short dress yesterday. They are just so comfortable. And to add to the embarrassment, I've lost the weight, bought celebratory new jeans, the whole nine yards. I just can't get rid of those awesome leggins.
Burned by the Bear
I would definitely still wear my maternity clothes, but 1) my husband absent-mindedly threw them all away, 2) I gained a few extra lbs, so my maternity pants would in no way fit me. By a few lbs, I mean approximately 55 lbs...
I hope the drop in dosage doesn't affect you as much this time, Liz. It sounds like you are doing the right thing and working closely with your therapist. I'm having the opposite problem right now. I know I need to start taking something, but I'm scared. I know it's not a lot of help, but we are here to support you or give you a pick me up when you need one.
Thank you. It really does help to have a third party to talk to. I hope you find the courage to go.
It is really hard to take that first step towards therapy/meds/whatever, but it's worth it. It's scary, and we still have a stigma about taking antidepressants, but like my husband says, "If you had a problem with your heart, you'd treat it, wouldn't you?"
I had to up my dosage, and while I am doing so much better on it, I sometimes feel like a failure. I feel like I should be able to handle everything, but I can't and I feel like a loser. I'm not, though; I have a chemical imbalance in my brain and by taking the meds that deal with it is the right thing to do. Suffering in silence doesn't win me any prizes.
Maybe we should start an Octomom support group for depression and similar issues.