- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Adoption
WWYD?
We are only at the beginning stages of considering adoption, however I do run a local adoption group for those considering or in the middle of adoption. My partner just found at work that a colleague (young, under 21) is pregnant for the first time. She was originally set to terminate the pregnancy this Friday but my partner gave her some food for thought and now she is postponing for a week or so.
We are not ready to adopt this child, but I know a perfect couple in my group that would want this particular child if possible. However the couple is only at the beginning stages and not hooked up with any lawyer or agency.
I'm wondering who I would send the woman to so that she could talk to someone about the potential adoption? I feel like I want to support this woman in terms of getting unbiased information to make the right choice for her and the baby while at the same time, potentially preserving this potential match that could be made. My partner has mentioned this particular couple in our life so the BM is aware of the couple as a potential adoptive family.
Hope this makes sense and I so appreciate any thoughts anyone has!
Krista
TTC since April 2010, age 40, 3 miscarriages in total
IVF w/PGD June 2012 - failed cycle with a genetically perfect embryo, unexplained infertility
January 2013 - On to adoption!!!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: WWYD?
Ditto IRR.
See if she can find an independent counselor, or even a reputable adoption agency. A good one will provide unbiased counseling for whatever she decides, and likely won't match her until later in her pregnancy when she's ready to place (if she does make an adoption plan).
To put it somewhat poetically, if this isn't meant to be this couple's baby, nothing you say/do will force the issue. Let it unfold as it's meant to be.
Not to play devil's advocate, but I was "set up" with a family when I placed M for adoption and it was great. I already knew I wanted to place, but I felt a little more secure meeting them bc I knew someone who cared about me also really liked them.
I don't think it's wrong to hope for an adoption instead of an abortion or to help her decide what she wants to do. It's totally inappropriate to bring up the situation to the PAPs and to the e-mom. But recommending a reputable agency is a great place to start.
Application approved Dec '11
Mar '12: Homestudy interrupted by change in Uganda requirements - where do we go from here?
After searching and searching, back with Uganda but with our homestudy agency's program.
Homestudy complete July 19
USCIS I-600A submitted July 20. Biometrics appointments arrived Aug 17; fingerprinted Aug 21; 171H received Sept 25th. On the wait list Oct 1st: #18. By Jan 25th, we're #13!
Come home, baby A!
I think you misunderstand and my apologies if I wasn't clear in my post. I have NO INTENTIONS nor do we desire to try to adopt this child. We are just in a situation where we know a young woman who could potentially consider adoption and I'm trying to figure out the best way to handle it (which is why I seek advice here). The last thing I want to do is be pushy towards the young woman.
Perhaps read my post once more will help you get clarity to offer advice. Thank you.
I think you misunderstand and my apologies if I wasn't clear in my post. I have NO INTENTIONS nor do we desire to try to adopt this child. We are just in a situation where we know a young woman who could potentially consider adoption and I'm trying to figure out the best way to handle it (which is why I seek advice here). The last thing I want to do is be pushy towards the young woman.
Perhaps read my post once more will help you get clarity to offer advice. Thank you.
Personally, I don't see that there's anything wrong with what the OP or her partner have done. The only way I can put this into perspective so I can relate, is to imagine I'm looking for a doula or other service provider. Now I can either hunt around online and hope I find a good one at random, or I can get a referral from somebody I'm already in communication with who's gone through the process before and has first-hand experience with the person they're recommending.
I know if I were in this girl's shoes, going the route of adopting my baby out to a couple that an acquaintance of mine is already familiar with (assuming, of COURSE, that this couple are properly vetted and checked-out and are a suitable match) would be less intimidating than having to do all the legwork myself in order to connect with an agency and find the baby a suitable home. Does that make any sense?
I'm not saying that's the right and only way to do things, but that different people approach situations in different ways. (And having said that, for all I know this girl may indeed feel pressured to adopt out to this particular couple, which is obviously not a good thing and just goes to show that there's no one-size-fits-all approach.)