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Adoption
momofmanyinthemitten
member
considering fostering with my own baby due soon
momofmanyinthemitten
member
in Adoption
I've been asked to consider fostering a 2 year girl who is the relative of a close friend. She is hoping that it would lead to adoption. We currently have a daughter 2 mos younger than the girl and we're expecting a baby at the end of January. I'm unsure of when this would happen, but am worried about our family of 3 rapidly changing to a family with 3 under the age of 3. DH is most worried about me being able to handle it, as I'm a SAHM who is used to caring only for my easy going toddler. Adding a newborn and another toddler who hasn't had the most stable living situations will be a handful. Do you have any advice or words of wisdom to help with either the decision or the transition?
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Re: considering fostering with my own baby due soon
I'm not sure why this girl is in custody, but that would play a large part in helping me make my decision. Typically, children are in care because they have experienced or witnessed abuse or some other form of trauma. Often, children act out these behaviors on younger children as they learn to process what happened to them. This can happen even if they are getting all the emotional and psychological help they need.
With that in mind, I would want to know exactly what happened to this little girl before making my decision. If it was a case of neglect, with no abuse or violent trauma, I would much more likely to go ahead with it, but otherwise, I personally, would feel it's just too risky for my younger children.
As for the changes of going from a once child household to having 3 under 3 virtually overnight, it's definitely insanely challenging, but people do manage it. It comes down to you and how well you are prepared to cope with all the added stress and running around. Remember that a child in the foster care system is likely to require lots of appointments, possibly in the home and away, with doctors, social workers, therapists, etc. Can you add that to your current life along with the demands of your newborn and maintain a fairly healthy lifestyle (including your mental health)? These are the kinds of things I would be thinking about. Unfortunately, no one can know until they are in the thick of it, but you and your husband know yourselves better than anyone else, so I think you really have to take honest stock of your potential before you make a decision.
I would talk with the county to see if you are eligible to foster. Since you aren't related, I don't believe that you would be considered a kinship placement- but I could definitely be wrong about that one.
I also know that in my county they will not license you as a foster parent until one year after the birth of a child. They figure you need that time for your family to adjust to that change. But I know that with kinship placements, that this rule may not apply since they prefer to keep the child(ren) with family if possible.
My advice is to get more information so you know exactly what is possible and isn't. Then be SUPER honest with yourself (and your family) regarding what you think you can and cannot handle. After doing these two things if it still feels right, then go for it!
GL! And keep up posted!