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April 2012 Moms
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Parents who live far away? (LONG)

aggieamber05aggieamber05
in April 2012 Moms

I need some bumpvice...(advice..but on the bump).

A quick background - DH works for a family business that is local.  He as it made pretty much as far as flexibility, his Dad is his boss, he will get the company when his Dad retires...etc. etc.  We are very blessed.  His entire family lives here in the same town, extended cousins and all.  However, my parents live on the other side of Texas, 8 hours away from us.  There is no chance of anyone ever moving just due to work and such.  I knew it would become a problem when we had kids about guilt trips of them knowing my in-laws and not really knowing my parents.  I just got off the phone with my mom and she loves to get to me while acting like she isnt meaning to hurt my feelings. 

We were talking about us trying to make a trip down there before we go down for Thanksgiving because they have come up several times since DD was born.  My Mom said that she understands if we can't make it, its just something they have to get used to.  It just stinks because DD will grow up not knowing who they are at all and liking my in-laws over them.  It just broke my heart...because I know this is something I've already dwelled on, but there is NOTHING I can do to change it.  I just feel stuck and I dont know how to keep them happy.

I know there is bound to be other bumpies in a similar situation.  How do you deal?  Is there anyway to keep everyone happy without making an 8 hour trip once a month?  We try to skype and send a lot of pictures, but we all know its just not the same. I feel so lost as to what to do.

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Re: Parents who live far away? (LONG)

  • ChelseyB5186ChelseyB5186 member
    I know how you feel, except we have NO family here...as in mine AND DH's family are all a 12 hour drive away.  It's just us out here.  It gets lonely, and I get incredibly sad when I think about how quickly my DS is growing, and how my family won't get to see him grow the way I'd like them to.  We just went back on our "vacation" a few weeks ago, and I know that's probably the only time a lot of them are going to see L for a long time.  I hope we will eventually move closer (not necessarily in the same state, just close enough that if people want to see us they can), but for now we just talk on the phone a lot and Skype.  I'm sorry I don't have any real advice, just sharing that I know what you are going through.  It's tough.  Family is very important, but you have your own family and you need to do what's right in your heart for you all.
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  • jenni54542jenni54542 member

    I don't have any real advice to offer, but wanted to let you know that I have a similar situation.  I'm from Georgia originally and that's where all of my family lives (including my parents), DH is from Alabama and that's where all of his family lives and now we live in New Orleans which is 2 1/2 hours from his family and 8+ hours from mine.  We make the majority of the trips to see them (usually once every three months or so) and since having DS this has become very difficult because he hates the car and just screams the whole time. 

     I'm an only child and have always been super close to my mom, so I know it's hard for her to only see her grandson four times per year.  We do what you do and Skype a lot and I have a share site where I post photos of him so that they can watch him hit the various milestones, but it's just not the same as being there.

     My mom's health isn't very good, so the visits we take up there are the only time she sees him (they never come down here to visit).  It breaks my hear because I want my parents to know him and love him (which I know they do, they just don't get to see him).  

    It feels like my mom and I fight more since he has been born which is really sad, but I truly feel that it's because we're both hurting from the situation.

     I'm so sorry that you're going through this!  I know how hard it is and I truly hope you find a solution that works for both you and your family.

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  • +Matilda++Matilda+
    Ohh it sucks living far away from the gparents. :(  ALL of our family live about 6-7 hours away from us.  DH's parents have NEVER been up here (we've lived here 3.5 yrs).  A few of his siblings have made it out here once.  My family come up regularly.  We go home for holidays and such, but they make the effort to come here because it is so much easier for them to make the drive than for us with a baby.  Our compromise (with my family) is that we come home for all the holidays (which is about every other month) and during the in between months they try to visit.  It works out to almost every month with maybe 1-2 months that get skipped.  It's just an understanding in our family...it sucks though.  Bad.  We are going tos tart looking for a new job for DH at the beginning of the year that will get us back closer to home.
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  • MegSowersMegSowers member
    I can relate in that we live 30 min from DHs family, but a 3 hours flight (MA to FL) to my parents. I hate it. I grew up away from extended family, and my mom always said she'd live wherever I was so she could be close to her grandkids. Circumstances changed, and they had to move to FL for my dad's job, and will now retire there so they won't have to deal with winter. I have a very hard time spending ANY time with DH's family. I'm jealous, bitter, sad, guilty, all at the same time. Anytime I'm with his family, I think "I wish my fam was here." And it kills me when the in-laws say "I haven't seen her in forever!" after seeing her a week ago... think of MY family!!! MIL watches DD 2x per week, too... and that makes it worse. AND MIL posts it all over facebook, which my mom sees. I skype with them, send them texts and pics. But of course, it's not the same. DD will see them prob twice a year, while the inlaws see her twice per week! I have no advice. I don't know if it gets easier. I hope it does...
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  • JaimeG183JaimeG183

    we live in oregon. Both our families live in Pennsylvania.

    We facetime with them a good bit and then we try to see them every few months. We've actually seen them a lot since he was born because of 2 weddings this summer. Flights are so expensive right now, it stinks.

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  • ADub09ADub09
    We have no family here. My parents are a 12 hour drive and DH's parents are a several days drive. It totally sucks!
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