f/u inappropriate birthday gifts (longish)

SusieBW · September 2012

Yesterday when I went to pick up DD from DH's aunt's house, MIL was there with gifts for Tatum from a woman she works with. Inappropriate gifts, IMO.

Backstory - I've met this woman a total of twice, and I think DH has met her about the same. For my baby shower (which she was invited to because my mom and MIL hosted and both invited a couple of their friends - my mom's friends that were there are women I've known my whole life and feel close to, but I didn't really know any of MIL's friends, including this lady, who I met for the first time that day) she bought us our PnP, a million sheets, a ton of clothes, a first aid kit, and a zillion other things. No joke, the woman much have spent $250 herself on that gift. She did something similar when T was born - way overboard with the gifts. Last fall she also gave us a $500 gift certificate for a professional photographer that she won in a raffle. I've given up trying to comprehend why she does this, and just try to be gracious about accepting her extravagant gifts and sending really nice TY notes.

So for DD's birthday, she got two big gift bags full of clothes, shoes, and a Halloween costume. It's an adorable elephant costume, but still, who buys a Halloween costume for someone else's kid? Does anyone else think that's weird? So now DH and I are trying to decide whether we want T to be an elephant for Halloween or if we should return it and get something else. We hadn't really thought much about her costume yet. I guess I'll put her in it (with the tags on) and take a picture for this woman either way, but I'm so hung up on how weird it is. And the clothes - two really dressy dresses that I have no idea when DD would ever wear, and they aren't the right size anyway, a onesie/jeggings outfit that says something about "auntie loves me" (is she referring to herself as auntie? I guess so), a Puma track suit (which I ADORE, but it's the wrong size), a bunch of socks, three pair of shoes . . . It's not that the clothes are inappropriate, but the sheer amount of clothes kind of is, IMO. And I do think the Halloween costume is inappropriate to buy for someone else's kid. I hope I don't sound ungrateful, because I really do appreciate the gifts, I just feel weird that she goes so overboard when DH and I barely know her.

Ms5586 · September 2012

To answer the thought of "what to do", accept it graciously with a well written thank you note. She is very generous. You could even word it that way "I am amazed with your generocity toward T, especially since we don't get to see you very often".

I'm guessing she and your MIL are close? MIL may be telling her all sorts of T stories, so she might feel closer. What do you know about her? Is she a grandma who doesn't get to see her grandkids? Does she not have grandkids, but always wanted them? She may just want to spoil T a bit, and if you think about it, it's really not harmful in any way.

Yes, I think the halloween costume gift is weird, and the auntie shirt. But I would just take back what you can, resize or return. A gift, once it's in your possession and you've thanked the giver, is yours to do with what you will.

shelley1002 · September 2012

Ms5586:

To answer the thought of "what to do", accept it graciously with a well written thank you note. She is very generous. You could even word it that way "I am amazed with your generocity toward T, especially since we don't get to see you very often".

I'm guessing she and your MIL are close? MIL may be telling her all sorts of T stories, so she might feel closer. What do you know about her? Is she a grandma who doesn't get to see her grandkids? Does she not have grandkids, but always wanted them? She may just want to spoil T a bit, and if you think about it, it's really not harmful in any way.

Yes, I think the halloween costume gift is weird, and the auntie shirt. But I would just take back what you can, resize or return. A gift, once it's in your possession and you've thanked the giver, is yours to do with what you will.

All of this. I have to agree with you that the whole situation seems odd. I would exchange what doesn't fit and if you decide on a different costume exchange the elephant one.

T&HLove · September 2012

That's just strange... Particularly the auntie loves me part... What the heck?

I agree, you should not buy another kid a Halloween costume. MIL and GMIL both keep trying to decide what G is going to be for Halloween.. I find it very odd that they think they get to choose?

Maybe this lady just doesn't have any babies in her family to spoil?

Ms5586 · September 2012

T&HLove:

Maybe this lady just doesn't have any babies in her family to spoil?

I really think this is the case, most likely. Think back before we had our babes. Wasn't it fun to look at all the adorable clothes?

And in my experience, people who haven't had kids recently always buy "interesting" clothes, especially in terms of size.

SusieBW · September 2012

Ms5586:
T&HLove:

Maybe this lady just doesn't have any babies in her family to spoil?

I really think this is the case, most likely. Think back before we had our babes. Wasn't it fun to look at all the adorable clothes?

And in my experience, people who haven't had kids recently always buy "interesting" clothes, especially in terms of size.

I'm not quite sure. I think I remember hearing that she has a daughter but they are sort of estranged. Something like that. I'm sure you guys are probably right, but still. And I think that she and MIL are pretty close, and I know this woman hears lots of stories and sees lots of pictures of T, so whoever mentioned that is also probably right that she feels close to my DD even though she barely sees her. I don't know. She is extremely generous, and I certainly appreciate her generosity, I guess I'll just always find it kind of odd.

mnewlee · September 2012

That is kind of odd. ITA about the costume, although that is a really cute one. It's definitely a privilege of being the parent, you get to pick the costume, Easter dress, etc...

I always find it really awkward when someone feels closer to me than I do to them.

MsCrispy · September 2012

To me it sounds like she actually has a spending problem.

Unless she is super close to your MIL or extremely wealthy, then I think she has a problem. My friend's mom is actually kind of like this. She is extremely insecure and overspends on gifts to make up for it. She cannot afford it and my friend is always trying to convince her to stop doing it. So my guess is that she falls into this category.

I agree with previous posters. Just write a very nice thank you. With all of the gifts she's given, I would probably add her to my Christmas list. Probably not super big, but another way to say thank you.

linzica · September 2012

Ms5586:
To answer the thought of "what to do", accept it graciously with a well written thank you note. She is very generous. You could even word it that way "I am amazed with your generocity toward T, especially since we don't get to see you very often".

I'm guessing she and your MIL are close? MIL may be telling her all sorts of T stories, so she might feel closer. What do you know about her? Is she a grandma who doesn't get to see her grandkids? Does she not have grandkids, but always wanted them? She may just want to spoil T a bit, and if you think about it, it's really not harmful in any way.

Yes, I think the halloween costume gift is weird, and the auntie shirt. But I would just take back what you can, resize or return. A gift, once it's in your possession and you've thanked the giver, is yours to do with what you will.

this is why you have the best advice badge Ms.

I agree the gifts are inappropriate but put into context they may be understandable?

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f/u inappropriate birthday gifts (longish)

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