daycare problem

Shayna0182 · September 2012

So ds has moved up to the 3 year old class in daycare back in August, and I think dh and I are going to have to talk with the owner. The problem is, he has taken up a trend of biting not just the other kids, but also the teacher as well. I know he bites out of frustration, but he has been doing really well at home, and hasn't had one incident at preschool. The other issue is, when he was in the 2 year old room, the teacher in there was really working on PT with him. We were making strides, but now that has fallen behind too. We try to work with him at home, but I know they're not working on that.

I'm just really annoyed. Today, I walked in and ds was over by the small sinks playing in the water. I look over and all of the other kids are sitting around the teacher and she is reading a story. I totally understand that she cannot devote all of her attention to him, but this is getting ridiculous. He was soaking wet and it was like she didn't even care. Once she noticed me there, she was quick to tell me that he bit.

At this point, I don't know what to do. This is the daycare he has been going to his whole life, so I don't want to uproot him if I don't have to. The owner is awesome and the other teachers he has had so far have been wonderful. There is only one 3 year old room, so this is all we have. I just don't want him to fall behind or not be treated as well as the other kids, because he's a little bit more special needs than everyone else.

JenGK · September 2012

Three is a hard age when dealing with daycare and ASD. We pulled our son out when he was going to move from the older 2s room to the preschool room. At least in our area, there is a higher student/teacher ratio starting when you moved into the 3s room, so they are not able to devote the same level of attention to any one child. I also found that the gap between Z and the other kids became even more evident at that age, particularly when it came to following instructions and staying with the group. Despite their best efforts, the daycare teachers just could not give him the support and structure he needed. If I were to venture a guess, I'd say your son's behavior is worse at daycare because he doesn't have the same structure and support that he has in preschool (it is amazing the difference a class setting can make).

My son had been at his daycare since he was 4 months old, so it was really hard to say goodbye. But switching to a nanny was the best choice -- I have not regretted it for one second.

Princess_Lily · September 2012

Does your child have a speech delay? Because sometimes biting can be due to this, it was that way for us.

We were unaware of the SPD symptoms and how the could be affecting his way of life in his preschool - once we pulled him and got an evaulation, we decided to take a year off from school and dedicate him to ST & OT, and small indivdual classes. Since then, his happiness level is at an all time high - as JenGK said support & structure is amazing once present.

Maybe you need to bring in a therapist, for your LO to have the individualized attention he needs? Maybe there simply isn't enough man-power anymore for his needs, and accommodation must be met to help him in the classroom setting.

Shayna0182 · September 2012

He was in EI for two years, where he had Speech, OT, and PT. He phased out of those services when he turned 3 in June. He started preschool with the local community school, where he now receives SLP, there, 2 days a week.

I agree, I don't think he is getting enough individualized attention. They focus more on group play, and that is harder for ds. He plays well if there is say 4 kids, but 10 other kids can be overwhelming and he shys away.

lindzed · September 2012

I had the exact same issue when we just moved up in classes. I met with the owner and we wrote down some very specific goals and shared with the new teachers. I also invited our old teacher so she could share what worked well. Also, I have been going at least once a week to observe. I make sure to point out the positive things I see along with the things that could use some improvement. This has made a big difference for us.

MirandaHobbes · September 2012

Ditto- us at that age. We loved our daycare- it was this awesome little church center. DS started having some behavior challenges prior to being moved into the preschool room at age 3. The teachers were nice enough about it- but you could tell they weren't invested in his problems. I couldn't expect them to be. I definitely noticed that when I went to pick him up, he'd be off doing his own thing while the group was doing circle time or whatnot. I'd ask the teacher about it, and she'd just shrug or laugh and say DS was happier playing by himself. Our public school therapists said it best when they told me that because DS is usually pretty easy-going, he runs the risk of "falling through the cracks", e.g. a teacher basically ignoring him if he doesn't want to participate. That really hit home with me. We moved him to a special needs inclusive daycare/preschool. Every class has other kids with SN so they can't be ignored and the teachers make every effort to engage the SN kids with the typical kids. It was so hard to move him.. the SN preschool isn't perfect- it's HUGE, for one thing.. there are like 5 different preschool classrooms alone. But at least I know he's being included and he's really learning a lot now.

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