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July 2011 Moms
ElatedMom2B
member
How many of you have been away without LO?
ElatedMom2B
member
Oooh - slow couple of days on this board. I don't post a ton and I have the last two posts between yesterday and today! LOL
Anyway - just curious how many of you have been away for any long period of time (over night and longer) from your LO's since they were born? This is by choice - not because you have a job that requires you to travel or you've had to travel away for an unforeseen circumstance (death, illness, etc.).
I ask because I have a friend who has twins (which could make this a different situation) who are only 9 months old. She has been away, over night, about a dozen times without them so far. Her choice - gone out of state to weddings, her and her husband stayed over night for two nights for their 9th anniversary, now she is going away for the weekend with another girlfriend, sans children - two hours away.
I understand some wives and husbands like to have some alone time here and there. My DH and I don't - we have chosen to get that time when we are away with our children. If we're on vacation, they go to bed and we get our time together. For me, I prefer to take my children with me whenever I can - that's why I had children. I want to share everything in my life with them, I want to be a part of everything in their lives for as long as I can. I am not a helicopter mom by any means, but I just enjoy being around my kids and love every moment I get with them. I guess its just the way that DH and I are - he is Portuguese - a culture where children are welcome everywhere (no exclusions on weddings, family parties, vacations, etc.) and people don't normally do things where they're children are not included. I share these same views as my parents were away from us a lot when I was a kid and there are times that I totally resent it. My father traveled a lot for his work and they went away a couple times a year without us, leaving us with our grandparents who, unfortunately, I ended up not having a great relationship with because of this reason. I choose not to do this to my children.
Anyway - I am just curious what you choose to do and if I am in the minority for thinking that I would much rather have my kiddos with me whenever possible.
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Re: How many of you have been away without LO?
I haven't gone anywhere overnight without DD yet, but I would. Now, 12 times in 9 months? Absolutely no way!
I would REALLY like a vacation for my upcoming 30th birthday and have been dropping not so subtle hints. It would just be DH and I, probably for a few days, and I don't see anything wrong with that. But, I could not even begin to think about leaving her for 12 times, or anywhere close to that. I honestly get upset thinking about just a few nights one time!
When we were kids, most of our vacations were as a family, though my parents did go every few years or so by themselves. This is kind of our plan as a family too, as finances allow. Most of our vacations will be with kids (like you said, why have them if you don't want to take them anywhere!) but I am sure things will pop up (weddings with kids are non-existent around here!), and she will be fine with my parents for a night or two.
I guess to sum it up: Some time away= healthy. Lots of time away= not for me.
DH and I took a long weekend away without kids at the beginning of July. That's the only time I've been away from DS overnight, but when DD was this age I had been away from her three times by a year. Once was a couple's long weekend, once was a girl's weekend, and once was a wedding that logistically wasn't good for a baby.
I'm all about my kids going wherever I go, but I am also all about having some time to enjoy myself and my husband. I was just complaining this weekend about how women on TB (not the OP) seem to wear never leaving their children as a badge of honor whereas I feel bad for them. I just can't imagine never having uninterrupted time out of the house alone with my spouse.
OP, I'm sure you didn't mean this in a snarky way and I didn't take it that way, but your comment about having kids so you can spend time with them could be read as hurtful to people who don't spend every waking minute with their kids. I had kids to spend time with them as well, but that doesn't have to be every minute they are awake.
I haven't been away from her for longer than 4-5 hours as of yet. Today was the first time that I wasn't there to get her up in the morning. I had a Dr appt so my Mom took. For the most the kids will go on vaca with us but I would like to have that occasion night or long weekend just DH and I. I think it's important for our marraige to have that bonding time alone. Also, good for the kids and grandparents to have a tight bond.
I hope to have a long weekend just the 2 of us before baby # 2 arrives and our anniversary is right around the corner.
Eh - I think people put more meaning into this than is intended. Most people fall somewhere in the normal space between the extremes of "never leave my kid for 30secs" and "haven't seen my kid in two months". It's what works for that family, those kids, that situation.
We've never left LO overnight. At this point there's not been an opportunity that we've been interested in leaving him. We were invited to a wedding in June, but it was in CA (we live in MI) and between the expense of flying out there and my concerns about pumping/etc. it wasn't worth it to us.
But I don't think he's going to be shocked when school rolls around in 4yrs if he never spends the night at grandma's house. As kids neither me or H spent the night with grandparents, although when we were older we did sleepovers with friends. I don't think either of us are better/worse off than those kids that did spend the night away.
I do think it's unusual to be gone overnight 12 times in 9months, regardless of whether you have children. But I have never traveled that frequently.
As LO gets older we plan to take him on family vacations. We may occasionally go for an evening away, but I can't foresee ever being gone for longer than a weekend. Like OP mentioned, my kids are part of my life and I want to do those fun vacations with them. However, it doesn't matter to me if other people chose to travel without their kids.
This is definitely an "to each their own" sort of thing.
I don't judge either way unles you get all martyr mom about it. (My SIL is the queen of bragging about how she's never left her 3 year old like it's a badge of honor!)
For me personally I've been a way from LO about four times (over night or longer) without LO. I'll be honest. I loved it.
It was a chance to reconnect with H/friends/family/even myself. Have adult conversations, feel civilized. I came back refreshed and renewed. I love my kid with all my heart but my chance to get away is also what keeps me low key/rarely frustrated with her.
She also has a teen sitter about every other week or so for a few hours so I can catch up on work/get errands done faster/have a bit of me time.
I look at it the other way. LO is fostering great relationships with other people/learning there's a whole great big world of people who care about her and is learning to be independent from me.
I also had a great relationship with both sets of my grandparents partly because my parents left us there quite often. That special bond is something I definitely want my LOs to have.
This is a really great point. I feel the same way, I loved when my grandparents watch us, and I hope my kids will feel the same.
I honestly can't bear the thought of leaving my LO. Maybe it's b/c I work so much but I want to be with her when I can. Fortunately, DH has the same views. We made this little family, now we live it. (We made our bed, now we sleep in it!)
I shot my first wedding since LO was born just last weekend. I was away 3pm-9pm so not even as long as I am at work. I missed her something fierce.
My ILs think I don't trust them to watch LO (they live like 5 minutes down the road) and that's only partially true, haha. I just don't feel like she needs to go sleep there while I'm sleeping 5 minutes away. I guess if DH and I wanted to go somewhere? I don't know. We'd want to bring her!
My MIL has her other 2 granddaughters sleep in her bed with her while my FIL sleeps on the couch. I think that's weird. So that's another reason, haha.
I guess I"m just not ready. Maybe when I"m done BFing?
The only time I've left Timmy was when I had Nick. I've just never had an opportunity to leave them. No one is jumping to take my kids either because they still don't sttn yet.
I'm not ready to leave them yet, but I;m not opposed to the idea when they ah.re older, however, I have my parent's watch them from time to time so Mike and I can reconnect/ get a break from the kids too.
I do think it's important for kids to be away from the parents and be used to other care takers.
See, this is why I question my feelings about it - I remember HATING spending time with my grandparents. They died when I was in my late teens early 20s and I regret not having much of a relationship now. However, my grandparents were not very good with kids and my grandfather was an alcoholic. They were my parents go-to long term babysitters when we were kids. Not fun and I hated it.
This aside, my parents went away pretty often and we never went anywhere as a family (except for the shore - an hour away - for weekends here and there). As for the bonding time for them...they've been divorced for almost 20 years. LOL
No, I am not the kind of person that is going to harp on anyone for being away from their children when they choose to. I was just curious as to how many people have been away and thought my friend's time away was a bit excessive. For someone that spent 6 years trying to have children, that she's been away quite a bit - I thought! I don't know. Trust me, I was someone that traveled all the time before having kids. I totally thought that I would want to get away without my kids more than I have. I do have girls night here and there, when I first had DD#1, I did spend a night out once or twice. Not saying that I have never done it and not asking for a badge as the worlds greatest mom, for sure. Oh, and I did work a full time job in between the two kids, so I have been there and done that too.
I think that is probably the difference- that your parents were always gone and never took you. Mine took us so many places that we could hardly begrudge them time to themselves. I think really, moderation is key here. Also, I am really sorry you had bad relationships with your grandparents- I cannot imagine not having mine. My one grandfather was not in the picture much, but the other I miss every day. I am lucky enough to still have my wonderful grandmas alive and with me.
Oh, and I SO know what you mean about having thought you'd want to be away more than you do- I was totally convinced I would need constant breaks from DD- boy was I wrong!
Elated: Don't worry about. Do what works for you. Every family and every one is different.
My parents were away every Saturday night and twice a year had a mini vacation without us at least. They were gone a lot. However my grandparents were awesome and my teen sitters were amazing. My parents also did tons of stuff with us otherwise. That's why our perspectives are different. I guess I also try really hard not to project my past on my kids either. It's either here nor there, does it always matter at this point?
And, FWIW, my MIL lets the kids that stay sleep in her bed too. It just makes her feel safer knowing she can hear them if they get up or cry. She has two pack n plays in her room as we speak actually. Whatever it works for her and she's not otherwise at all crazy, so we run with it. Again, to each their own.
As for friends is being away 12 times in 9 months excessive? Maybe? Is it for me? Depends. Maybe it was just a busy year with a lot of weddings and parties and it'll slow down? The year Rubes was born we had something going on literally every weekend including 2 destination weddings. And hey, some people just like being away and as long as she's a good mom the other 40 weekends of the year, so be it.
I will say I don't think it's fair to make the assumption that becuase it took her six years to have kids she wouldn't want to leave them. It took me 3 years and a stillbirth to get Rubes. However, I have to live my life normally for her sake despite all that's happened. It's all like you said about work, done, over and in the past. It doesn't have much to do with anyhting at this point.
Also, twins are A LOT of work. More work than anyone could ever imagine. My close SIL has a set of twins and now at almost 4 her life is finally getting easier. Her twins were 4 weeks early but all around healthy and she'll tell anyone to this day that the first 2 years were the hardest of her life. She's very honest about how she'd never had made it without help and frequent breaks. She's also one of the strongest/toughest people I know so for her to say that it really sank in for me. You really don't know until you've been there in the twin department. When you're down that road, 24 hours away is nothing compared to what may seem like a million hours at home the rest of the week.
Again, I'm not judging..just sharing another perspective for you. If you're happy with your kids and your life...go with it. It's no one else's choice to make for you.
My son has 2-4 nights where he stays with my grandparents a month. I stayed with my grandparents once a week growing up because of my mom's hecktic work schedule, and I always looked forward to it so much, so I feel like I really want my son to experience that too.
As far as actually going places, I haven't. They live 10 minutes away, so if he's fussy, or we miss each other, I can get him anytime. And anytime I can take him places, I do. I love going places with him, he has so much fun!