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Child custody mediation
Hey everyone!
so i will be doing a Child custody mediation agreement with the father of my little one. She is due next month but we are trying to draft one right now.
if anyone has done this before can you give me some advice on what to expect and what i should have ready in mind?
the reason why we are doing this is because we are no longer together. he is married to the women he cheated on me with. he has agreed to keep her out of my daughters life as long as he is allow to be in her life. so this agreement is basically something we both can agree to when it comes to our little one, but would like some advice on what i should put in the paper.
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Re: Child custody mediation
The mediator will make sure most of your basis are covered, but in order for you to limit who your ex has around your LO, you will need to be prepared to be limited on who you can have around LO.
You'll need to determine who will have legal and physical custody, visitation schedules, holiday schedules, child support, medical expense reimbursement, etc.
If they are married and he has visitation with the child, especially overnight, it's going to be nearly impossible to keep the woman out of your child's life. My ex married the girl he cheated on me with as well, but I never stipulated that she couldn't be in my daughter's life. If she hadn't been, I don't know who would have taken care of her. Lord knows he wasn't always there!
I have full physical custody and we have shared legal custody. Default visitation is with the father every other weekend, and either one weekday night per week or every other week. He never kept up the weekday night visits so we just did away with them. Also alternating holidays. Even years I get her for Christmas and he gets her for Thanksgiving, and vice versa, and all that good stuff. But all that is up to you two and what you think you can agree on.
I would suggest putting EVERYTHING down in the orders, so that way if someone tries to screw it up, you can just whip out the papers and say "no way, this is what we agreed on." We tried to switch things up (summer vacation schedules) and it seriously backfired. Now we just stick to what's written, and over the years we have gotten better at agreeing on changes and not going back on things.
It's a lot easier if you are amicable. If you both are just fighting for the sake of one-upping the other, you have to step back and think of the child. As much as I wanted to never see him again and keep my daughter away from him, I'm glad they were able to have this relationship with each other. He's gotten better over the years, and hopefully will continue to improve.
My ex also left me for another woman when my son was 1.5 years old. There is no way for me to keep my son from spending time with her. My atty told me unless she is a convicted child molestor or something like that it would be impossible to keep her out of his life.
I know it is hard but you really just have to go through the grieving process and let him go.
While the baby is little you have the upper hand with time. Especially if you breast feed. You don't even need to give him overnights until the child is around 3 or older? I immediately gave my ex every other Friday and Saturday (he is off work Fridays) and every Weds. I think with a newborn you could offer just a few hours here and there for now. And then when the child gets older increase to every other weekend.
I really miss my son when he is with his Dad but it is nice to have some time to myself too.
As far as child support you should be able to find a child support worksheet online to calculate it.
Good Luck!