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Adoption
elissaann26
member
WWYD Re: Death in Foster Family
elissaann26
member
in Adoption
We just heard that DH's grandfather passed away. Currently, we are planning on bringing the boys (foster sons 5 and 2) with us as we drive from NC to NJ for the funeral, which is currently being scheduled. We were just there last month (although couldn't see Pop-Pop because he had a contagious minor infection at the time), so we know the boys are good travellers and we have sleeping arrangements and schedules figured out up there along with a few approved babysitters.
First question: Are we crazy for bringing them? They will NOT be going to funeral and will be staying home with me since the other approved babysitters are immediate family members of his (I'm the in-law). I'm okay missing the funeral, even though I have known him since I was 15. I'm always a hot crying mess at funerals, which is not the norm for DH's family, so I hate going because I always stick out like a sore thumb.
Second question: Do you think it is reasonable for the 5 year old to miss 2.5 days of school? We are first time parents and new to all of this. Artichoke is doing GREAT in school, so I don't worry about him missing content. And we will definitely be doing any homework or assignments the teacher gives us while we are gone. It would most likely be tomorrow, Friday (half day) and Monday at the most.
Third question: Should we explain to the 5 year-old why we are going? In some ways, I feel like it isn't necessary since a) he never met the guy b) he won't be at the funeral c) I don't feel like he needs another thing to process and d) I'm not sure how death was previously explained to him (if at all) so I worry about being consistent. In many ways, I feel like we could call this a "surprise trip" and just leave it at that.
I'm not sure if this is relevant to this conversation at all, but we are their foster parents with no intent to adopt. I think I may feel differently if there was a possibility that this was their forever family, but it isn't.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: WWYD Re: Death in Foster Family
As long as the case worker is ok with it I would take them and not tell them the reason why. If they knew him it would be different. I would just present it as a family trip.
I am sure they will over hear people talking so I would be prepared to answer some questions if they do come up.
This is what we were thinking. We are willing to discuss it if we need to, but it feels unneccesary to explain it proactively.
We do not discuss family relations in much detail at all with the boys. When they met DH's family last month we just introduced people as Mr. Joe and Ms. Susie, how we introduce any adult. There was no Uncle Joe or Aunt Susie or Cousin John. We did this because they seem to get very defensive/concerned because they "already have a cousin/uncle/aunt/grandma/etc.", so we completely downplay any family relations since it isn't a big deal for them to learn our family tree. If there was a possibly of adoption into our family, then I think we would have not completely blown off the family relations.