I'm 26 Weeks & Broke Up w/ my Ex Boyfriend at 12 weeks

vreaves85 · September 2012

Hello everyone! I know it has taken my quite some time to discuss this topic but think of it more and more lately. Let me give you a little backgroud to my situation. My ex & I were together for about a year. It wasn't always sunshine & roses and for the most part I'm not sure that I was ever really happy. I just knew something didn't feel right. Well we had been living with my family for 6 months until we moved into our own place so I figured that maybe that had something to do with the strain in our relationship. Well a month prior to moving into our own place (April), I found out I was pregnant so figured maybe having the place, things will get better. Well in the meantime we had be arguing and he just wasn't very supportive of anything, but happy I was pregnant. It was so bad that when I wanted him to go to my gestational diabetes class with me, he threw a tantrum like a little kid and as soon as we go there, he made it apparent that he was annoyed with being there. So I asked him to wait outside for me....instead he walked home & left me there. I had it at that point. Well fast forward to May, we moved in. It was good for maybe one week. Then we started to argue because I encouraged him to get his license back (long story) so that he is able to drive himself to work (in my car) and if something happens w/ the baby, he can drive her to the doctor if need be. We also argued about his lack of income. I also encouraged him to look for a better paying job or think about picking up 2 jobs (mind you I have had a full time good paying job for the last 3 1/2 years). So considering he was working as a part-time cook, he could step it up. Well The arguments didn't stop & when I suggested therapy he was under the impression that we had no issues. (HA) Well I finally did something I've been wanting to do for months, I told him to leave. The day after that, he never stepped another foot into the apartment ever again..... Fast forward to my 26 weeks.... I'm feeling a bit on edge. 2 weeks ago he threatened to get a lawyer to fight for rights... I don't want him to have any custody. I'm ok with visitation but him picking her up, keeping her over night NO GO! He doesn't have a car, a license, shares a 1 bdrm apartment w/ 2 other men (to his dismay he found hooking up with each other & supposedly not gay), nothing ready for her. He's crazy & has a criminal past. It freaks me out to the thought if him even holding her sometimes. Considering our turmolterous relationship finally came to an end, I don't think I'm over him as I'm sure it takes time.... but I don't know what to do. I wasn't going to try and keep him from his daughter but I do want her to have limited exposure to him. Given he has a 7 almost 8 year old son that he doesn't see very often, I find it unfair that he would threaten me with a lawyer to see his daughter knowing I wouldn't do anything shady like that. He was in and out of jail with his son, how do I know he won't revert back to old behaviors. How do I know he's trust worthy.

I just don't know what to think or how to feel anymore

chefnicole22 · September 2012

My daughters BD tried threats like that with me too. I think most of them do at some point, but if he has a low paying pt job, I doubt he will be able to afford getting a lawyer or paying for court. Idk if this is the best advice or not, but I wouldn't really worry too much about it unless he actually does end up going through with it. You're probably stressing over nothing, esp if he has another child he doesn't see. Charlie's BD also has another daughter who is 6 and who he has only seen once. So your DD's BD is probably just trying to blow off steam and stress you just bc you are letting him. Once I told Charlie's BD that he can do whatever he feels he needs to do when it comes to court and everything, I never heard from him again, and that was in March.

Also, if he doesn't have a fit place to take your baby and is in and out of jail, I doubt he would be able to get over nights.

maiatene · September 2012

I dont think you have anything to worry abt. To PP point right now his words are just that - words. However what I would do if I were you (other than keeping contact to a minimal w him if at all) would be to consult with a lawyer to find out what your options were just in case. Follow your gut - if you think he's bad news he prob is. Unfortunately, despite what we have been told, very few people change and there is nothing we can do abt that. Cut your losses and focus on your baby

emox3232 · September 2012

I'm in a similar situation, except my ex is a "recovering" drug addict who has only been out of jail for 2 weeks and is living in a half way house. I didn't find out he was using untill after I found out I was pregnant. Now that he is out of jail and I don't want anything to do with him, he is saying that he is going to fight for his right to see his son, Its so frustrating because he hasn't really shown any interest in my pregnancy. I have told him he can see the baby with his parents, but not alone and he is not at any costs driving with my baby!!! So scary to think that this is my sons father!!!!