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June 2011 Moms
pooksmom
member
2 year old in wedding party and short vent : )
pooksmom
member
My short vent is that people should stop telling me to be more flexible with my DD's naptime. I pretty much schedule my day around her 12-2 nap and it works fine for us. When I cave and listen to others like I did yesterday, we have a miserable time. She only napped for 30 minutes in the car so that made for a very rough zoo visit that ended up with a bloody lip : ( I should really be mad at myself for listening to others!! Okay, vent over!
Now for the question - My brother is getting married next fall and DD will be 2 years and 3 months. I'm pretty sure they are going to ask me to have her in the wedding and I am pretty sure I don't want her in the wedding. It kind of has to do with the vent above. I just don't think it is going to be as easy as one would think to get a 2 year old to walk down the aisle. Plus, I am pretty sure I am going to be in the wedding too. So, how do I say no? Do you think you would be insulted if it were you asking your sibling? I guess I am just feeling bad.
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Re: 2 year old in wedding party and short vent : )
BTDT moms probably have more input, but I imagine that napping will be different this time next year. I know if it were me I'd be honored if Ty were asked to be in a wedding, so I would say yes.
Whether or not I'd be insulted, I don't think so. At the end of the day, kids are hard to work with regarding schedules, so I'd understand if someone said their kid wouldn't be able to be in the wedding.
Would you have DD not go to the wedding at all if it interferes with napping? And if so, do you have anyone to watch her. We're lucky enough that as long as the wedding is in town we'd have a sitter since both of our parents are local, but I know not everyone on the board is in the same boat.
I agree and empathize with your vent. The nap is sacred in our house and we do our best to preserve it. Some kids can do it on the go and be happy and rested but it's not the best in our house!
Ok, I see your point but I will say that you likely will be a considered party pooper if you decline your DD being in the wedding. Do you think they will ask? On one hand, tough logistically that day but on the other, a really special moment.
If you are in the wedding you could walk with her (adorable!) or if there is a ring bearer, maybe they can hold hands together. We had a catholic wedding and all of our neices and nephews carried the offering gifts which required getting 13 kids aged 2.5 to 10 years in a line and up the aisle (yeah, we didn't "get it" then since we didn't have kids; sorry family!). Seriously such a great moment and they ALL made it. Yes, it was priceless to have DH's tiny niece carry a flower (with his SIL in toe) all the way up the aisle.
This!
My oldest DD has already been a flower girl 3x (when she was 2.5, 3, and 4). My second DD was also a flower girl that last time when she was 2. They will both be flower girls again this winter. All of the weddings have been for DH's and my siblings. My girls LOVE having been flower girls, even at age 2. I was a bridesmaid in the first one and the MOH in the last one. It wasn't easy being in the wedding and being mom to the flower girl(s), but it's certainly do-able, especially if you have other siblings or your DH who can hang out with DD for a bit while you get yourself ready.
All that said, with a 2yo everyone does have to be prepared for a little flexibility. My sister and SILs all said that they wanted DD(s) to be flower girls and that they knew that with kids in weddings crazy things can happen. When DD1 came down the aisle when she was 2.5, she did walk down by herself, but I was the BM at the end of the aisle so that she could walk right to me and we had planned ahead of time that if she didn't walk for whatever reason in the moment, that I'd just walk back down the aisle to get her and we'd walk together. It wasn't needed and she did great, but it's helpful to have backup plans just in case
We practiced walking down the aisle at home, played wedding a lot, practiced holding flowers while walking - had fun with all of it. I think that helped. Also, it's definitely important for everyone to be flexible and see how it goes. If your future SIL is an uptight bride, I wouldn't word it as such, but I'd decline to have your daughter be a FG for that reason.
I would NOT decline for nap reasons. First, it's a year from now. Her nap schedule might be the same, but it might change during the course of the next year. Also, presumably you will have her at the wedding, whether she is the flower girl or not. I would absolutely be offended if a sibling didn't want to bring their child to my wedding because of naptime. So, if she's going to be there either way then let her wear a cute flower girl dress (there are inexpensive ones new on ebay if you get to choose one) and be in some pictures and keep the family peace.
I don't think you should say no. Many 2 year olds are in weddings...and people usually realize that with a child that young in the wedding, it isn't likely to go according to plan - that is the risk people take with having young children (or anyone really) in their wedding (we didn't have flower girls or ring bearers.. And I am also sure that her nap schedule will change a bit over a year from now so don't use her nap habits now as a reason to say no for something a year from now.
My two boys are getting a surprise May 2015!
I had my 2 yr. old nephew and DHs 2 yr. old nephew both in my wedding and they did fine with it. I didn't understand how stressful it would be for their parents (who were in the wedding as MOH and BM) at the time. I wouldn't have changed it for the world and I don't think my sister or BIL would have either. We knew we had to be very flexible and go with the flow. Everything went well. It will always be cute to have a LO in the wedding, even if they don't fully cooperate. Perhaps someone can take your daughter for a nap at some point (a hired sitter) during the reception/pictures etc. Share your concerns with your brother and his soon to be bride. Let them make the final call, but I believe it will be adorable. Baby Depot has adorable dresses at Easter and Christmas that would make beautiful flower girl dresses for less than $50. Ebay is also a great idea. Don't decline because of naps. Like others have said, her schedule will likely be very different by then.
My ring bearer was about 20 months and my flower girl was about 26 months old and they both did a great job! They were both slightly difficult with pictures but it was NBD. My nephew was the ring bearer and my sister the MOH. We had the back up plan of her walking down holding their hands if they got scared but instead they decided to race down the isle. It was super cute and meant the world to me that my nephew was able to be in the wedding. My flower girl was the daughter of my mom's flower girl so also very special for me. I didn't expect them to stand with the wedding party through the cermony and it all worked out great.
If they ask her to be in the wedding I would verify their expectations of her and ask that they understand anything could happen and if they are OK with that I wouldn't be able to say no. And naps at 2 are very different than naps at 1. Just think of how different things are from a year ago already.
Go with the flow and let DD be in the wedding. It is great for memories and is a family event. DH & I were disappointed we didn't have any young family to be in our wedding party so we did jr. bridesmaid and jr. groomsmen.
My brother got married 2 weeks after DS was born. Kind of disappointed that none of us were asked to be in it on one hand, but on the other I totally understood. They had young family from the other side in it.
This, and FWIW my three older kids, me and DH where in my sisters wedding in 2010, DS1 was almost 5, DS2 just turned 3 and DD1 was 1 1/2. They all did great (I did bribe them with M&M's after they walked down the aisle nicely, but I think this was an OK to bribe moment).
I also agree with the post that people who have kids in their wedding expect that it might not go as planned. Of course you can still say no, but I wouldn't just for the "it might be during her nap" reason.
I was 5 and my cousin was 3 when we were in our uncle's wedding. There is video evidence of me basicly dragging him down the aisle because he didnt want to go. So I agree that it will be difficult to convince a 2 year old. But at the same time I think you need to respect and honor your brother's wish to include your daughter in his wedding. If you are in the wedding too it will be easier. No one should expect her to stand up her the entire time...every flower girl and ring bearer(Sp?) I have ever seen make the trip and then retire to a room with toys with a family memeber...I assume your DH or a younger cousin could look after that.
I mean I understand your concerns but I know I'd be hurt if I was told I wasn't allowed to include someone in such special place of honor in this type of ceremony.
I understand your point generally about naps, but I would make an exception for a wedding (particularly one of someone close, and particularly one that's far enough out in the future that you don't know what the nap situation will even be).
I had a 2yo and two 3yo's in my wedding (our nieces) and it was such a special part of the wedding. I just had their moms (one of whom was in the wedding, two of whom were not) walk down with them, and that worked out really well. It is so special having the photos of them in their special wedding party dresses at our wedding -- those are my very favorite photos. It's one day -- I would let your LO do it.