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Feel like you missed out the first time?

Bambina54Bambina54 member
in VBAC

I really want to go the VBAC route for this (my second) pregnancy.  I feel like after having a surprise c-section with my son and not being prepared for it at all, that somehow I missed out on part of the birth experience.  I never got to a pushing stage and in hindsight I really was unprepared for the labor and birth experience.  I guess I've always wondered if anyone else feels like they missed something by having a c-section.   

I've become very familiar with the Bradley method and want to try a VBAC this time.  I feel like even though my OB is willing to let me try it, he would rather just have me schedule a RCS and get it over with.  Maybe it's just my hormones, but it seems like he isn't as supportive as I would like.  At least my husband is onboard!  I can't help but feel a little discouraged after my last appointment, though.

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Re: Feel like you missed out the first time?

  • RumbleLinaRumbleLina member
    I do not feel like I "missed out" but I do miss having the experience of seeing my child born(general anesthesia cesarean) as well as MH not being able to cut the umbilical cord. When you have a surprise c/s you aren't fully prepared for it can come along with a lot of not so positive feelings.

    I do not know how far long you are but if you feel like your OB is not super supportive I urge you to find an OB where you do not have to question their level of support.  Did you ask him pointed questions like from this website?...https://vbacfacts.com/2009/06/06/interviewing-care-providers-questions-to-ask/
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  • Bambina54Bambina54 member
    I'm 33 weeks.  I generally like my OB.  I think I just need to stay strong and not get pushed into anything.  Maybe it's just the anticipation setting in as things get closer.
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  • Lucky_N_LoveLucky_N_Love member

    I completly relate on the "missing out" feeling. It was a long time before I could watch baby labor shows or even see baby labor pictures without crying. I am sad that I didn't get that feeling of pushing my baby out and having her lay on my chest etc.  I had an emergency c-section and didn't get to see my daughter for about 6 hours.

    I am planning a VBAC this time around and have tried to do everything I can to plan for success. I switched OB's to an office that is very VBAC friendly and said they have and 80% success rate. I also hired a doula to be there for support as I am also hoping for med free.

    If you have the ability I would consider switching doctor's or at least do your research and stick to your guns so they don't try and talk you into a RCS. My new office hasn't treated me any differently and has never said the word CS.

    Good Luck to you Smile

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  • iris427iris427 member

    Yes, I definitely felt like I missed out, especially because I never really felt like my c/s was necessary.  

    Your doctor doesn't sound supportive.  I think you should look into other options in your area.  If a doctor is not on board with a VBAC, they will find a reason to c/s you again. 

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  • sunnydays99sunnydays99 member

    Yep, I definitely felt like I missed out on something with my c-section.  I think a lot of that had to do with it being unplanned so I was 100% prepared for a different birthing experience and it totally threw me off!  It's been almost 3 years and I've since had a VBAC and I still feel sad looking back on my c/s :-(

     Stand your ground with the OB!!  You have every right to try for a VBAC so don't let him get you down.  It's awesome that your DH is supportive!

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  • Cooper81Cooper81 member
    I don't feel like I missed out on an actually birth experience,  but immediately following the c/s if very cloudy for me.   I actually had a very easy recovery from my c/s after the first 24 hours.  I had a very bad reaction to the painkillers they gave me post c/s and could barely force my eyes open and felt very sick for a few hours, that part of the experience I would like to avoid again.  But it's more so having major surgery and the increase in risks and side effects that make me want the VBAC.
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  • emaddockemaddock member
    Yes, I certainly feel like I missed out on the experience the first time and that I had/have the label of "failure".  Honestly, until last week I was still feeling this way until I decided that I really have no control over it.  I am going to plan for the VBAC, hope for it, but if I end up in a c-section I truly hope I will be at peace with it.  I can only control so much and did the best I could the first time around.  I feel I have done a good job of advocating for myself this time around and that my doctor knows my hope to have a VBAC and is supportive but at the end of the day I also want a healthy baby, however that happens.  I want the experience of a VBAC for myself, but if this baby needs to be delivered by c-section I will do whatever is best.
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  • TwizzleTwizzle member
    Yes, I really feel like I missed out the first time.  Not just the birth experience but everything after, including the first few weeks when I was so depressed about the c/s that I didn't appreciate my baby.  I felt like my VBAC was the happiest moment of my life and I'm very sad that I didn't get to have that with my first son too.
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  • crashbaptistecrashbaptiste

    Very, very much so!  Dan will be a year old in less than three weeks and I still have that tinge of disappointment when I look back to those few weeks.  I went two weeks past my due date and because all of the ultrasound techs estimated his weight to be just over 8lbs, the doctors/ nurse practitioner wasn't very aggressive in getting labor moving.  As it turns out, he was 9lbs10oz and crooked so his head wasn't where it needed to be to start effacement and that good stuff.  On top of that, thanks to massive amounts of swelling, they used staples in the hopes my stomach with drain better.  My first day home after they took out the staples, my incision popped open while I was in the shower and my RN mom had to tape me back shut.  

    For the next little one, I'm determined to find a hospital that will consider inducing me early and be supportive of a VBAC.  My husband doesn't entirely understand what my thought process is-- all he sees is that we have a very healthy baby.  He doesn't get that I was terrified of the spinal, I missed holding my son first, of having him on my chest immediately after... I honestly had no connection to Dan for the first week or so after delivery.  It didn't help that formula was forced onto us because of a tongue-tie that kept Danny from nursing...  

    We only get so many birthing experiences in our lives-- might as well do what it takes to make each one count! 

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