Help with CIO!

Annie Marie · September 2012

I'm basically being forced to CIO (not the point of this post). My DH wants me to lay DS (8 months) down, leave the room, let him cry for a few minutes, come back in & pick him up to comfort him, lay him back down, and repeat until he falls asleep. I haven't done any reading on Ferber or Sleep lady shuffle, but I was more interested in the idea of sleep lady shuffle so I could be in the room (DH doesn't want me to try this though). DS is so attached to me that DH thinks it would just bother him more if I was in the room not picking him up than if I would leave & come back.

Thoughts? I want to do this in the gentlest way possible, but don't have much choice (once again, not the point of this post). Do I go in at increasing intervals? How long is too long to let him scream his precious little head off? Am I going to completely destroy our bond & trust?

Any help & thoughts & encouragement would be greatly appreciated!

If you ended up doing sleep training, how did it go? I didn't have to do any with DD (28 months now) and she sleeps great!

phdprocrastinator · September 2012

Coming from someone who's done CIO:

I'd be really upset if my husband forced me to do something I wasn't comfortable with. Especially if you haven't had time to read up on it. CIO is a method and needs to be employed correctly to work. I can totally understand being at your wit's end with your child's sleeping.

I'd tell your husband that you won't do CIO or any other method until you've been able to read the book. Ferber even insists that both parents need to be on board before trying his method - or else the child will end up getting mixed signals. He also has his proscribed intervals (3, 5, 10 minutes the first day; 5, 7, 12 minutes the second), but says he's worked with parents who's intervals were 1, 2, 3 minutes, because that's all they could stand/agree to.

Finally, if your husband really thinks CIO will work and is best for your son (and you agree to it), I'd insist on starting it on a weekend when he can be there to help for several days in a row. It might be easier if your husband were the one putting your son down so that DS doesn't wonder why the boob isn't coming out.

Temp123197812503460 · September 2012

Another person who did CIO, I know it's not the point of your post, but honestly if you are only doing it because your dh is forcing you there is no way it's going to work. We gave it a half hearted try around 9/10 months but couldn't go through with it. At 13 months when we were both mentally ready it wasn't easy to hear the crying but it was possible. Ad even then it had to be my husband who went in for the checks because I just couldn't walk out of the room (like physically couldn't). I would also suggest you and he read some books together on sleep training methods.

Temp123197812503460 · September 2012

And if you do a sleep lady shuffle type thing you might find it easier to have him be the one sitting there, both easy for the baby and easier for you.But again, having done sleep training I just don't see how it will work under those conditions, you will likely find yourself taking out your frustration and pain about hearing your baby cry on your husband, so whatever reason it is that he can force you to do it will likely get worse.

honkytonk_kid · September 2012

If you (and I mean that plural, as in both of you) have decided that CIO sleep training is the right option for your family, IMO the gentlest, easiest way will be an informed, agreed-to plan. Like pp said, read a couple of the sleep training method books and decide from there, instead of winging it, which can easily end up giving LO mixed signals and dragging out the process.

Good luck mama. I hope you find the best sleep solution for your family

ncbelle · September 2012

I agree that you shouldn't do something just because DH wants you to - this is something you need to be on the same page about otherwise you are just going to resent him for pushing you to do something you don't want to do. You both need to do some reading (I'd throw the No Cry Sleep Solution in as well as the books already mentioned).

nosoup4u · September 2012

phdprocrastinator:
Coming from someone who's done CIO:
I'd be really upset if my husband forced me to do something I wasn't comfortable with. Especially if you haven't had time to read up on it. CIO is a method and needs to be employed correctly to work. I can totally understand being at your wit's end with your child's sleeping.
Finally, if your husband really thinks CIO will work and is best for your son (and you agree to it), I'd insist on starting it on a weekend when he can be there to help for several days in a row. It might be easier if your husband were the one putting your son down so that DS doesn't wonder why the boob isn't coming out.

My initial thoughts exactly. Why is your DH deciding what method you should be using? Do the one that YOU want to do, especially if he's not helping out (which is what your post sounds like, sorry if I'm not reading that correctly).

Are you still nursing? Because that may affect how sad your baby is when you attempt it, too. Why isn't your DH actually getting involved with the nitty-gritty?

beth2882 · September 2012

We tried CIO at 6 months. I ended up crying too and DH didn't like it (even though it was his idea). After talking with the pedi, here is our plan.

Read story, rock DD to sleep in the nursery, rather than the family room, put in crib. After that goes ok, read, rock until drowsy, put in crib, pat/soothe to sleep. Then rock until drowsy, put in crib, leave, but come back as needed to soothe without taking her out. Continue slowly backing off until she is ok with just the rocking during the story, making sure we don't get her out of the crib.

We don't have any issues with waking during the night, just putting her down. But, you just mention the putting to bed part in the post, so hopefully the rest of your night goes well too.

cyprissa · September 2012

I agree with all the other posters regarding being on the same page and making parenting decisions equal. Also, if you are considering sleep training you actually need to invest the time in reading Ferber. He has a lot more information on the science of sleep and how to solve specific sleep issues than just CIO.

I used the No Cry Sleep Solution to end the nursing to sleep association and establish a bedtime routine and then a bit of Ferber to deal with going to bed easily and it was a good combo. I'm still dealing with night waking but we are going through crazy, insane teething.

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