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December 2011 Moms
Carrie3102
member
S/O How do You and DH/SO share chores?
Carrie3102
member
At my house we don't really. Which is a MAJOR cause of my stress, anxiety, and resentment with DH right now (which is directly tied to our "rough" patch)
My chores (post 45-60hr/wk job):
Grocery shopping, Dishes (rinse, wash, put away), Laundry (wash,dry, putaway), Dinner, Pack lunches, pack LO bag for sitter, pack her lunch/bottles/snacks, clean floors (mopping and vacuuming), dusting, clean bathrooms, make beds, clean kitchen, clean living room (pick up), clean DD room, wash bottles.
My other responsibilities:
Take to sitter, pick up from sitter, feed afternoon bottle, play, feed DD dinner, give bath, jammies, bed time stories/songs, bed time bottle, put to bed, wake up and deal with every wake up during the night, try to get a shower before she wakes at 5 am
DH's Chores (after his 45-50 hr/wk job):
Trash, grass, flower beds (weeding)
Grass hasn't been mowed in a month or more, and flower beds look like crap.
His other responsibilities:
Play with DD.
He can't figure out why I'm pissed at him all the time. Yet when I ask him to help me with something he sits in his chair and complains that his feet hurt, and that I'm "the mom" so by default that's my job.
After all these comments he sits around asking "what I need help with" I have started saying nothing, because even if I do ask for something, nothing is what I get.
ETA: I don't mop, dust, vacuum, clean bathrooms every day, but I do do it weekly.
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Re: S/O How do You and DH/SO share chores?
I do the inside chores - bathrooms, vacuuming, dusting, laundry, etc. He does the outside chores - lawn, garden beds, trash, etc. We tend to share doing the dishes/pots and pans. He cooks 90% of the time and he does the grocery shopping.
And fortunately for me, he will do anything else I ask him to do.
ETA: we also both work 40-50 hours a week. Right now it's my sole responsibility to get DD to/from daycare, but that's because it's on my way to/from work. When I go back to my other office, we will split transportation again - he'll do drop off, I'll pick up.
LCT - 5.15.14 ~ 9lbs, 22.5 inches
We don't have a clear list of things that are mine to do or DH's to do, but because I SAH I try to get a lot of the inside chores done during the day (not always successfully) so that we have the evenings to relax together when DH gets home from work. He takes care of all the outside chores, other than the flower beds (and he's been a big help with those this year). He also unloads the dishwasher every morning and takes care of whatever DS needs while I'm preparing meals. We usually do the dinner cleanup together.
We recently moved and it increased DH's commute time by quite a bit, and while he was adjusting to that he pretty much stopped helping with anything during the week. I got really frustrated because I started feeling like I wasn't getting any down time at all. We had a conversation about it, and things are much better now.
I pretty much SAH (I just work one afternoon a week), so I do a lot around the house. I do most of the cleaning, cooking, laundry and grocery shopping. (When I was working, I also took care of getting everything ready for A and MIL the next day).
DH takes care of outdoor chores, finances, and our cars. He also does the dishes every night as I'm nursing/putting A to bed.
That's just the general guideline. There have been weeks/days when I've felt overwhelmed and DH has stepped in. He can't read my mind, so I have to ask for his help, but when I ask, he'll do anything and everything to help out. Communication is key for us!
DH told me 3 weeks ago he'd put some laundry away that I asked him to.... It is still sitting in a basket.
Sorry I'm bitter right now. I'm not usually like that.
I'm a SAHM, so I do 95% of the chores inside including meals, laundry, cleaning, etc.
DH does a ton of work around the farm, mostly the more time consuming things like moving hay bales, fixing fence, maintaining vehicles & equipment etc in addition to working 60-70 hours a week on average(We just started a new business in July so he's insanely crazy right now).
We split evenly care for the animals & training is dependent on who has horses they are working with.
DH helps out with DS as much as possible when he's home. The biggest thing that is a huge help is that he gets up with DS at 5:45-6 when he wakes up and lets me sleep an extra hour and wakes me up right before he has to leave for work.
We both have full time jobs, and I think that at this point, things are pretty fairly divided. In the past this wasn't the case and it was the source of a lot of resentment, but it is getting better. My husband is usually pretty willing to do what I ask him to do, but he never seems to remember to do it.
His "official" chores: he does the grocery shopping, he does most of the pet care, trash, and all outside jobs (mowing, weeding, house things), including car maintenance and repair.
He will also pitch in with other daily/weekly things as needed/asked, but I would say I do the majority of the daily chores like laundry, cooking, cleaning the kitchen, bills. I also do about 90% of the baby care when we are home. The thing that frustrates me the most is that he doesn't just see what needs to be done. I hate asking him because it feels like nagging, but he says that he just doesn't know if I don't tell him, so I need to be more specific.
As for how we got to this point? For example, one day I told him I wasn't going to grocery shop, and that if he wanted food, he could go. I hate grocery shopping. I also tell him at certain points that if he needs clean clothes, he better do laundry. Things like that. I used to be afraid of the confrontation, but now I just don't care!
It really is a delicate balance, but I can understand your frustration. I really think communication is key.
OMG this is my life! BUT I do the landscaping also and HIS DAD cuts our grass! LOL he comes home...sits in his recliner and pulls out his lap top and turns on guy TV.... Like you said its not even worth asking for help because by the time he gets to it (3-4 days later) you could have done it yourself!
Im sorry you have to deal with this I totally understand your frustrations x100!
I am a stay at home mom which doesn't mean anything in terms of chore distrubution!
I take care of 100% of baby care (bathing/dressing/changing/feeding) and 50% of baby enrichment (playing/reading/cuddling/hanging out)
My husband is able to work from home a fair bit but he also has to go out of town for a day or two every week.
We don't have any formal plan. We both just step up and do what needs to get done. He takes care of the grocery shopping by himself or we all go together.
He vacuums because he likes it. I vacuum the kitchen after A's food has dried. I wash the kitchen floor.
We both take care of laundry, meal prep, dishes.
Outside chores are taken care of by the people hired by our homeowner's association. We aren't a condo - all freehold but we have a "neighbourhood plan".
My husband has taken care of most tasks related to finishing the basement. We hired pros for electrical and plumbing and mudd/tape and carpet install but he and my cousin took care of framing/drywall. He is the one doing the painting. I swiffered the walls after the mudd/tape.
Bottom line, we work together. If anything, I could be doing more. The first several months after birth that wasn't true but now that iron is where it needs to be and I'm feeling better I need a more helpful routine and less time *here* when A is happy playing!
DH works part time and I'm a SAHM until I find another job (DH is job-hunting too.)
I do laundry, 90% of the baby care, go grocery shopping, pay bills, and clean pretty much everything.
DH takes out the trash, takes care of the pets/car, and does the chores I specifically ask him to (which is nice, but I wish he had some initiative so I didn't feel so naggy.)
We both cook - he may actually cook more than me. I do love that.