- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Single Parents
March2013FTM
member
Not Sure if I'll be a Single Mom, but...
March2013FTM
member
I don't even know where to begin. I'm in my mid-20s. Have a good career and good paying job. So does my BF who is the same age. We were together about half a year, and boom! found out we were pregnant. Since then, our relationship has been very rocky. He tells me he loves me, and wants to be with me, but he's not truly supportive. His actions don't match up his words, and it is all the little things that add up. The only BIG thing he won't do is stand up to his family members that are unsupportive. A couple call constantly and tell him what a mess he's in, how awful this is, how terrible of a person I am, this is a mistake and blah blah blah. Mind you, they loved me before finding out I was pregnant. I've begged him to stand up to them and tell them if they can't be positive, then to butt-out of our relationship and baby! I've never said he needs to cut them off entirely - that's not fair. But he DOES need to set boundaries because these people are bringing the both of us down. He's just become very childish and isn't stepping up to the plate. I don't know if this is reason to leave or not, but I feel so unsupported. I cook, I clean, I work, I'm a tutor, I'm a full-time student... and I'm pregnant. Is it so wrong to want to be pampered? Or... hell... at least made not to feel fat? I had lost a lot of weight, gained some of it back after dating, then gained a lot in my first trimester because all I ate was junk food. But that was nausea + comfort eating. I'm trying to curb it, but it is very hard for me, especially with all the drama...
I feel like I'm whining. A lot of you ladies here sound like you had men that were pieces of work, and I feel like I'm just being a flake. It is hard to bash him, because I love him, but he's just not... there for me. He doesn't hold my hand at doctors appointments. I have to beg him to even come... And his lack of desire to be a man and protect his growing family from negativity and attack is making me fall out of love with him.
Not sure what to do - but it kinda feels good just to vent. 14 weeks pregnant as of today, part of me says 7 weeks isn't enough time for a guy to adjust. But then - it isn't like I really had a choice, us ladies have to cope quickly! We are carrying the baby after all!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Not Sure if I'll be a Single Mom, but...
This is exactly how I felt during my first pregnancy, and I stuck around. Honestly, instead of the first 6 months of my son's life being the best I've ever had, it was the most stressful and rocky 6 months of my life. I think between the pregnancy and my son's 1st birthday we "broke up" at least 6 times and ended up back together.
Instead of enjoying being a new family, we just argued all the time, over nothing really.
We ended up back together, and now we're pregnant with number 2 (gotta love birth control, right?!) and we're back EXACTLY how we were last time around. I have my A/S on Wednesday, and he's not even going to try to get the time off work.
Hmm, I guess I'm not much help, but I feel your pain!
If he won't stand behind you now, doubtful he ever will..
Sorry you are going thru this..
Exactly, and your child deserves to see you getting treated like a queen!
A boy learns how to treat his future wife by seeing how mommy is treated, and a girl learns how to be treated by her future husband by how mommy is treated. So only allow for yourself what you want for them in the future (at least that's what I keep telling myself. Easier said than done though!)
I just said this to my mom yesterday! It isn't that he's done something drastically wrong, but he hasn't done anything right, either. And he isn't the example I want as a man/father/partner/husband for my future son or daughter. He has potential, but I just can't continue to let myself feel beat down and neglected. I'm pregnant - I just want someone to hold me and kiss me, and for them to WANT to do it.
I swear, I could've written that exact thing!
You're not alone. For me it's nice to know I'm not alone in thinking of taking on single parenting and it's not hormones speaking. I was sooo expecting someone to say it's my wild prego hormones whispering things to me.
I'm also in my mid 20's, BF in later 20's. Unlike you, we've been together for over 4 years; he's only job is free-lance work which is a blue-moon when he gets a job from his boss and so far he's failing to get a job that actually can help pay the bills. I'm the most stable person in the relationship; I have a steady income, I live by myself (he still lives with his parents, who want him out), I can pay all my bills (he has to ask me for money to pay some of his bills most months). I'm pretty sure I and baby will be better off and happier, with out me having to support the BF on top of everything.
He's supportive in his own way, he cleans around my place cuz he doesn't want me exposed to the chemicals too much. He's contacted his relatives who've had children about getting there no longer using baby stuff (my family hasn't had a new arrival in decades). He drives me to my doc appointments and comes into the room with me for each appointment, which is nice but he is a chatterbox who takes up most of the "ask the doc time" and with prego brain I forget to ask the doc my questions. He also follows me like a lost puppy to all my other non-ob/doc appointments. He does make me samiches.... but even before the pregnancy he was the one who demanded he be the one to cook/be in the kitchen. BUT when it comes to the stuff that matter during this time; I'm flying solo looking for parenting classes, groups for first time parents, researching stuff, and assistance for new mothers/parents.
It also doesn't help that he's horny as all heck, it's like my belly bump is viagra to him. While I've lost almost all desire for sex and it doesn't even feel good at all for me now. He makes me feel extremely guilty about it, despite me telling him repeatedly how filthy and (OMG my lady bits feel gross already without him shoving something in there) and ill it makes me feel. Now he's not exactly a skinny man, he's the class of chubby that has a man-preg keg gut. And before the pregnacy he was on me about my weight dispite me being a tiny bit chubby, I've tried to eat healthy (and most of my pre-preg weight I gained because of his cooking) but he likes to childishly insist on sweets when I'm shopping for MY place. Now, he comments a lot about the doc saying how I can't gain much more weight and he doesn't say anything about me staying stable for months (after I let myself eat everything in view the first half of the first trimester). Oddly he's very not supportive of my mad craving for subs (loaded with veggies. OMG yuuuuuuuuuuuuummmm) because my mother craved subs with my brothers (and he reaallly wants a girl).
Now the thing I do think is just the preg hormomes whispering evil things in my ear, is... and if you're a flake then I'm a big flaky-flake lady. I'm losing that feeling of love for him. It seems he only really wants sex, which is a chore now for me. All the small nice things he does seems like... I don't know, trying to get on my good side so I will be willing to have sex, where I feel almost no pleasure cuz I'm distracted by down there feeling more like a stink filled swamp. His biggest man-argument is that I get pissed at him for looking at porn (on my computer) and yet I won't give him any; he doesn't try to see it my way. But enough of my lack of sex-drive. He seems to never take me seriously, I've yelled at him in public about things that are pissing me off about his behavior and he seems to brush it off as some meaningless outburst, going back to doing that thing I just ranted about. He's threatened me, saying one time that if I break-up with him, I won't get any child-support from him. Despite all the subtle hints I've placed, he talks about marriage with our friends with me right there and rarely talks directly to me about it. Either he's brushing it off as preg drama or he doesn't take me seriously when I say bitterly and annoyed "IF ...I decide to marry you." when he's mentioning it to the doc or closest of our friends.
It does feel good to vent. Men just SUCK and really don't get the train-wreak that is happening to your body. Awful way to put it, but it feels like you got hit by a car or something and they don't get that some days everything just hurts.
Just came across this posting and it really resonated with me. I am currently 6 weeks pregnant and it came as a huge surprise to my boyfriend and I. I am 28 and my boyfriend is 31. We have only been together for 6 months. I have a steady, well-paying job, while he is currently in between jobs / freelancing / interviewing. The thought of having a baby right now scares the crap out of him, and he doesn't think its the right time. However, I am feeling differently and really want to have this baby. I don't know what to do or how to proceed, since every time we have the conversation, it turns into a fight. All I want is for him to feel what I am feeling/going through. I don't want to force him to do something he is not ready for, however I don't want to force myself to do anything I don't want to do either. Any advice would be sooo appreciated!!!