I shouldn't feel this way ... I just can't help it.

MH, my son and I will be moving in with my parents. I was out of work my ENTIRE pregnancy. I got my BFP on Oct. 10th. I went into work Oct. 11th and found out that the place was closing Oct. 31st. What perfect timing. Nobody wants to hire a pregnant person. By the time I found places to interview at (thanks economy) I was showing. 

Now that my son is here, I'm on short term disability and need surgery coming up because of other medial issues on top of my PPD. I feel like I've failed MH and my son. Our lease on our apartment is up Dec 1st but we're going to try to leave a month early and move in with my parents Nov 1st, and TBH, its probably going to just be cheaper to eat whatever fee would be associated with breaking the lease. Its not the ideal situation, but I'm lucky that my parents are so willing to let us live there for whatever time we need to.

We'll be saving up to purchase a home instead of moving back into an apartment. As soon as I recover from surgery I will find a job. MH is Native American and theres a federal loan for Natives that guarantees a loan for housing. The interest rate for the mortgage is only 2.25% and we only need to put 2% down on the home, and its a fixed rate, which is phenomenal. 

I should be grateful and excited and happy that we have a place to go while we're facing such a financial hardship right now. And sometimes I am. But right now I just feel like a failure. That if I could just get my sh!t together and get a job we wouldn't be in this mess. (Yah... because I could've talked my dr out of putting me on short term disability.) Or if I could've found a job during my pregnancy we would've been better off now. (Yah ... like people want to hire a pregnant person.)