Community› The Bump Message Boards› Adoption
Adoption
New Discussion

S/O In On It?

lizlemmon19lizlemmon19
in Adoption

I have seen the book "In On it" be recommended for families and friends.  Did anyone gift this or loan to family members? Was it helpful? Did they find it condescending? Is it applicable to all types of adoption, or center around a certain kind?

 

How would it compare to Adoption is a Family Affair?

I am thinking of getting something for MIL and SIL.

Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
Report Reply to Post

Re: S/O In On It?

  • Rachel SonnierRachel Sonnier member

    I haven't read Adoption is a Family Affair, but we did get In On It for both sides of our family. For us, it tremendously helped to open up a dialogue between us and our families, but we knew that they would read it. I saw another poster said this AM that they did something similar, and no one really read the books. I guess it depends on your family, and you probably know which approach will work with them best.

    I read In On It, before passing it along, and I didn't find it condescending at all. I found that it was aimed at helping family members to see the role that THEY play in the adoption, making them feel included, as well as reflecting a lot of the feelings and issues that adoptive parents face, that you may not feel comfortable, or adequate explaining. I can tell you that my MIL and I are very close, and it was kind of unsettling to me that she was not talking to me, or asking any questions about the adoption at all. 

    The WEEK after I gave her the book in passing, she was excited about the adoption, trying to help us to get our infant CPR class lined up through one of her friends, asking questions and sharing her thoughts regarding becoming a grandmother again. It was really nice, and I realized then that she probably just didn't know a lot about adoption and didn't know what to say, or was scared of offending us. My parents live in a different state, and knew a lot about adoption already, but I even find that the book even gave my mom a few things that she might not have known to ask or bring up before reading it. 

    To answer your other question, it covers DIA, IA, foster-adopt and talks about some of the special needs that come along with adopting older children, interracial adoptions, etc. It really covers a lot of info in a pretty short book. If you are interested, get a copy for yourself, read it and try to gauge wether or not you like it or think they will. Good luck! :-)

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • bumpuser794640bumpuser794640 member
    I haven't read it, but my mom and ILs both really liked it, plus it sparked some good conversations/helped them figure out what questions they had about our process specifically, etc.  We/I/they haven't read Adoption is a Family Affair, so I can't compare it to that.
    image
    image
    Report Reply
  • Dr.LorettaDr.Loretta member

    We didn't, because we didn't find out about it until we'd already been placed. A lot of the book is more geared toward the process, not after placement.

    It applied to all kinds of adoption, and wasn't condescending at all. It had some interesting food for thought, like the fact that grandparents and other family members may have to become adoption advocates and educators with people they encounter, not just adoptive parents.

    I never read Adoption Is a Family Affair, but I'd heard that it's more condescending and it turned a lot of people off.

    IMO you should get a copy of In On It and see if it's something that would work for your family.

    Report Reply
  • irismorningirismorning member

    I actually bought and read the book after my adoption was complete. In my situation the part that was most relevant to my situation was the section on privacy. I actually gave the book to the preacher at our church to pass on to church members who had questions about the adoption process. (I am the only one at our church who has adopted and in many cases individuals would ask some pretty uninformed questions around the children.) The questions were kind hearted (I think) for the most point, just really inappropriate.

    "When" I adopt again, I will definitely pass out more of these books so that my friends understand the emotions and trials of the process. I believe that it gives a good perspective without being condenscending. It was also helpful in aiding others to develop appropriate talking points about adoption.

    I would buy a copy and read it to see what you think. You should be able to get it on amanzon for about $10.

    Mother of two wonderful boys! Blessed through adoption.

    Report Reply
  • IRRIRR member

    My mom recently finished reading it and I passed it on to my MIL today.  I think it is helpful for them to understand the process a little bit better since they haven't been living it like we are.  My mom skipped the section on international and racial adoptions since that isn't applying to us. 

    I had a close friend read a few chapters of the book because I was getting annoyed with all of the questions she had about our E-Mom.  Rather than call her out on it I just told her what pages to read and that stopped it rather well.

    I did not read Adoption is a Family Affair, so I cannot comment on that book.  I do recommend the book for friends and family.  

    image

    Failed Matches - December 2012, May 2013, December 2013
    Moved on to  gestational surrogacy with a family friend who is our angel and due 7/23/15


    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"