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April 2012 Moms
eav2c
member
I don't know what to do.
eav2c
member
My dad just called and he sounded terrible. He tells me our cat of 18 years died. Of course I break down. I asked what he did with the cat. He says he sat him outside because that it what you "do with cats."
I broke down and said NO that is NOT what you do with cats and to please have him cremated. Upon listening to my dad further, who is 80, I can tell he is really sick. I haven't seen him in a year and a half. Money is an issue on both ends. This is not the same dad I know. My dad wouldn't sit our beloved animal outside to face the elements and decay like that. He just wouldn't. This is the dad that would properly cremate our animals--as he did with our dog who passed two years ago.
I keep telling my H something is not right. SOMETHING is wrong. My dad is not of sound mind. My dad is sick and I can hear it in his voice. He doesn't call me anymore, hasn't seen C yet, he doesn't do anything... and he is not the type of person who would throw our cat out like garbage. This is the man who did mouth to mouth to try to save our poodle when I was a kid. Man, I never saw a man cry like my dad did when our animals would die.
My dad is sick. He has cancer, I've known that. But he seems to be progressively getting worse and not making very good decisions. He lives alone and my brother doesn't do a single thing to help him even though he lives just down the road. I've tried to get my dad to come live with us but he's stubborn. I feel like I now need to petition the courts or something to be conservator of his estate and just put him in a home. I don't know where to begin.
Sigh. This is not the day I wanted it to be.
[ETA] Oh, and, there is a 28 year old woman who he "likes" who uses him... for food, money, etc. I won't even get into that issue right now because I'm too emotionally frazzled.
[ETA2] When he called he said "is this Elizabeth? No this isn't Elizabeth." He didn't believe it was me when I answered. Something is wrong. I don't know what to do.
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Re: I don't know what to do.
??? Sigh. Reason number 203i8324 why I need to quit TB apparently.
Ok purge lady!! Have you purge today?
I've called my brother 100 times and he wont answer. He's a real peach >.>
He told my dad he was dead to him a few months back... I'm about to blow a gasket. Seriously.
That's all we've got. There's no one. I went off on my dad too. I mean, blew up. I feel really bad. I went off telling him how he needs help and is sick. It's all true but I didn't need to hit him like that with the death of our cat but it was just the cherry on top.
Burp twice
I am so very sorry you are going through this. I cannot imagine. I have no advice to offer or input rather because I am no good at these situations. I watched my dad go through it a few years back with my grandparents though. I just wanted to offer hugs and sending T&P your way for strength.
Andplusalso, just ignore the stupid trolls.
Are you really THAT f*cking sick? REALLY? Of all threads... of all things.
You read my mind.
You are sick! You better step back. You think your cool and can say whatever you want since your hiding....lame.
F.U.C.K Y.O.U
stick your finger down your throat
I would do the conservator thing. I don't know how, or, where to begin. My dad has no savings and I'm not sure he could afford a home. I don't know where to begin either.
I'm not cut out for this. I don't have the knowledge to see this through the way I'd like nor the money to get to him in the snap of a finger.
My dad needs help but I don't have any support other than my husband. It's really hard to rationalize with an 80 year old
I'm so sorry. I think you are right and that you either need to force him into a home or to move in with you guys. I know that your dad is much older, but you should not have to be dealing with this at your age. It isn't something we should be facing until we are at least 50.
Can you go visit him ASAP to evaluate the situation and talk with your brother? I know you said that money is tight, but it sounds like something you really need to deal with.
Burp 3 times
This. Call advocacy agencies. There are tons of sources that can help in your situation. I really hope you find a solution. Also, your brother needs to step up.
I'm sorry. This sounds awful. Do you think you can maybe plan to get out there just to see him?
Also I think you can get the cops to check on people. At least you can try to get them out to the house to make sure he is taking care of himself.
And you should call intervention, purge lady....
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Can you contact his doctor and explain what's going on? They might not tell you anything, but maybe you can at least tell them.
I agree with PPs to contact a local senior center or senior advocacy group to see if someone can help.
Thank you ladies. I'm just lost. I called my Aunt (mom's SIL) and asked where to begin. She said call a place called "A Place for Mom" (but they also help with men, too!) and that will help me with the beginning steps.
To answer some questions: My dad is in PA and about 850 miles from me. We have little to no family. My brother is unfortunately only concerned with himself (as is his wife) and other than that the only family we have is my dad's sisters -- neither of which care to help or be concerned by my dad. My dad lives alone in an apartment which is filthy (people have called and complained and he was almost kicked out). I've tried to move him down here (to TN) multiple times but until recently both my H and I were in college and were living paycheck to paycheck. We had planned to go visit my dad and get things sorted out over the holidays but I'm now not quite sure that is the best decision and that I need to do something ASAP.
I feel extra terrible because I really kind of was a major biiitch on the phone to my dad when he called. He didn't need that. I should have been more mature and adult like but my emotions got the best of me. I kept thinking "Who the FLUCK puts a beloved animal outside? Are you flucking crazy?" and then I just felt worse because he's sick, old, and needs help. I can't expect him to do or know better because he needs help. I feel like the worst daughter ever. My H is mad at me now too because I'm acting all stupid. I made my dad feel so bad that he went out and got the cat and is bringing him to be cremated... which in turn means he's driving while upset. He probably shouldn't drive when he's not upset.
I don't know what to do about getting up there. C would HAVE TO go with me. I EBF and we don't have anyone to watch him if he were to stay here when H works. I dont have enough milk pumped either. Plus, staying in my dads apartment is a no-go because it's beyond filthy. I wouldn't ask my worst enemy to stay there so not only would that include needing a flight... but a hotel... and a car.
My brother is refusing to answer his phone (typical) and I texted his wife saying it was imperative I talk to my brother ASAP but per usual my brother doesn't give two flucks.
A Place for Mom will help. You may want to call Social Services as well--they may be able to help you figure out what to do.
Could your DH go instead of you and C? Could he drive there? 850 miles is about 15 hours, give or take. It's a long, long day, but he could do it and not miss work if he left on a Friday. It'll suck to be sure, but is that a possibility?
I know you don't have any family up there, but what about friends or neighbors?
I'm really sorry you're dealing with this.
mm 2/17/11 * dd born 4/20/12 * bo 1/3/14 * edd 1/21/ 1/15