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Baby Showers
Am I overreacting?
I apologize in advance if this gets long... I'm a little steamed right now, so I guess this is part vent, part question.
I posted a few weeks ago about my SIL, who is expecting twin boys after having three little girls. After all of your advice (thank you!) I decided to go ahead with it and sent her a text offering to throw a small get-together with our close family and some of her friends. She initially said yes, but later responded that her mother wanted to put something together and would love my help. Fine, no problem. I told her to have her mom contact me and let me know what I could do to help.
I haven't heard a word about the shower until today. My SIL's mother contacted my husband's aunt (our husbands are brothers) and, after a big long story about recent medical and financial difficulties, requested that my husband's side of the family help with the shower - which turned into them basically throwing the whole thing. I am livid! Rather than take me up on my offer to help, she's contacting GUESTS to help her throw the shower while she pretty much does nothing (she's providing chicken - yep, chicken). If she couldn't afford to throw this thing or wasn't physically able, why did she insist on doing so after I offered? I also learned that this is no longer a small sprinkle: our aunt was told to make enough food for 65 guests! They've also registered for everything: a $400 double stroller, two swings, two carseats, two highchairs. After already having 3 kids (the youngest of whom is not even 2 yet), shouldn't you already have most of this stuff?
Does anyone else see this as super gift-grabby or am I just being irrational because my feelings are hurt? I feel like my offer was declined because it wasn't going to be big enough for them to get all this new stuff that they want. I did not contact my SIL's mom to offer to help (again) because honestly I can't really afford to help throw a shower for 65 people. I'm at the point now where I think I am going to decline the shower invitation and just take my SIL out to dinner to give her the SMALL gift I had planned on purchasing.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Am I overreacting?
ditto
Try not to invest too much worry into it. It's not good for you, but we all agree we'd be irritated.
Just decline it, if it comes up. Tell her that when you hadn't heard from anyone, you weren't able to prepare anything and won't be able to do it, last minute.
Take her to dinner, eat some cake and call it a night. I hope you feel better and GL.
This, there is no way I'd be going to that shower after that. 65 people? Come on! This isn't a wedding but a shower for a FOURTH and FIFTH baby. Your plan to decline and get her a small gift and dinner is wonderful
HOnestly, I do think you're overreacting to a degree. The size? On that I'm with you. That's obnoxious. But it's not about YOU.
Which takes me to me why I think you're overreacting - none of this has to do w/ you but you seem to be taking it that way.
Who knows what she told her mom about your offer. Maybe she didn't pass on your message at all. Or maybe her mom thought if you really WERE interested, you'd contact her.
OR because they knew it was going to be big, but you offered something small, that you wouldn't want to be involved if it was huge (which you clearly don't).
Who the heck knows. But you're framing this like they made these choices to purposely hurt you, and I seriously doubt that's the issue.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Agreed.
Point taken. I certainly don't think they have done anything to purposely hurt my feelings. Perhaps it was just a miscommunication, who knows. I am mostly miffed at the entitlement - the fact that they're making such a huge deal out of this is annoying, especially considered that no one else in our family has ever had so much as a sprinkle for 2nd (or 3rd, 4th, or 5th!) children.
I think I'll decline the shower invitation and invite my SIL to lunch one day before the babies are born.
Thanks, ladies, for your advice!
I would guess that as it's twins, thats why they are going overboard. But still... she has baby stuff. She doesn't need new EVERYTHING.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I would definitely be hurt that my offer was shoved aside because her mom wanted to do a BIG shower but now that the heat is on they want you (and most everyone else) to help with food, etc. It certainly wouldn't cause me not to go to the shower though. I would think that with your DH and your SIL's DH being brothers it would be quite noticable if you didn't attend and would just cause (or add to) drama.
You mentioned that no one in your family has even sprinkles for 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc. children. That might not be the case with your SIL's family though.
This! And the fact is you originally offered to throw her a shower for her 4th and 5th child but then won't go to her shower using the fact that no one else in your family had one as an excuse. That seems hypocritical to me.
I offered to throw her a small get-together with close family and friends (10-15 people) at my house... the fact that this has turned into a huge gift-grabby production is why I am considering declining the offer. No one has asked me to help; I expect that I will just receive an invitation in the mail like the rest of the guests.
I have no problem hosting or attending a small sprinkle for subsequent babies but I think they're going way overboard in this case and just don't really want to be a part of it. My other SIL (my husband's sister) has already decided that she is not going to attend for the same reasons.
I think that my feelings would be hurt but then I would be slightly annoyed that they were turning it into a gift grabby thing....which I get annoyed with regardless if I am hosting or not. I threw a shower for a friend having twins a few years ago, and their first child had just turned one.....all of them being boys. You would think they would have something from the first baby, but they got rid of everything before he turned one. Their registry was overflowing with two of everything,even two swings when they said their first kid hated the swing. That being said, people that came to the shower ended up buying them two swings, but they were ones WAY cheaper than the $200 ones they wanted. They also registered for two little bathtub "spas", which I wondered why you would need two if you can only bathe one baby at a time. Guest got them both, they were used two or three times, and then given away. My friend had two like new matching infant carseats, and I gave them to them....but then they gave them to someone else and got different ones.
If I were you, I would politely not attend and do something after the babies are born or something. That way, you don't have to watch them open their gifts for half of a day. Maybe get pedicures, or go out to lunch. Or even instead of a gift for the babies, make some freezer meals for after the babies are born when they are extra busy with two newborns and three other children.