Adoption

Interstate Adoption Pick-me-up Needed

Hey everyone. I'm part of the Dads board, but I needed some stories about happy endings and maybe some advice. 

My wife and I have a baby on the way with our surrogate/friend. Neither one of us is related to the baby bc donor sperm was used. We talked to several Oklahoma lawyers before the baby was conceived and they all told us that I could be listed on the BC because there is no known father and I am the intended father. Well, the midwife said that she can't list me. Ethical issues or something. The surrogate has an OBGYN appt tomorrow and they will talk about this then too. The baby is baking in OK and we live in NY so I know that if we do this as an adoption that the ICPC has to be involved. We are an NYS certified adoption home already.

I'm a member of an adoption forum and they are freakin' us out. Making us feel like this is impossible, so I was hoping someone had an adoption story that involved going across state lines that wasn't depressing. People adopt babies all the time right? Across state lines? I mean I want to bring this baby home before he/she turns 3yrs old!

Thanks,

Chris 

***Loss and success mentioned***
Me:34, Wife: 32
IF reasoning = MFI: Zero Sperm Count using FairFax donor bank
IUI #1 - #3: 2011 = BFN
IVF: 2011 = BFN, lost all 10 embryos (with C/Ps)
Jan 2014 - OBGYN (not RE) found and removed wife's "field of" uterine polyps after failed IVF

Moving on to surrogacy (actually a planned adoption)
Surrogate IUI#1: 7.17.12 = BFP!! 15dpiui = 256, 17dpiui = 346
Oliver Zane born - 3/29/2013 on Good Friday!

IUI #4 - #6: 2014-2015 = BFN (with C/Ps)
Switch sperm donors, start ketosis diet to reduce inflammation late 2015
IVF 2: Jan and Feb 2016, 3 great looking, 8 cell 3 day embryos. Two ET, one frozen
2.18.2016 (8dp3dt) = BFFP!
2.22.2016 (12dp3dt) = 649!!

Started foster care experience in 2012. Now waiting to adopt our foster daughter, 7, who has lived with us for 3 years. 


"Wait for your God, and don't give up on Him - ever!" Hosea 12:6 (msg)

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Re: Interstate Adoption Pick-me-up Needed

  • The legalities and contracts that laid out everything should have been taken care of already? I don't know the specifics of your case but neither of you are related biologically then I would assume adoption. Your home study is current and reflects your intentions?

    As for icpc what is your concern?

    Baby is born. Biological mom relinquishes rights generally a couple days after birth depending on that states rules.

    Then you take baby. Your lawyer submits the proper paperwork so birth state and your state communicate that the child is leaving one state and going to the next. Sometimes this can be as quick as a few days but most of the time it is 7 to 10 days and rarely longer than that.

    It follows traditional adoption route which is usually 3 visits with social worker over 6 months no big deal... how baby is growing, dr visits, etc. First visit is generally withIn a month of birth. Your adoption lawyer would lay it all out. Whoever did your homestudy can do your post placements and submit. And then you finalize in court the adoption generally about 6 months later.

    It sounds though that you weren't prepared for this to be an adoption but that is exactly what it sounds like to me. Get with your lawyer.

    Good luck!!!!
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  • I don't know much about surrogacy, but we are planning to have an interstate adoption and I don't see why it would be a big deal. Like the PP said, ICPC is usually resolved in under two weeks. I don't know anything about OK adoption laws, but I assume you just follow their procedures, go home after ICPC is all said and done, have a few home visits, and then go back to finalize. 

    What are the main concerns that the members of your adoption group have? I would think it would be pretty straight forward unless (A) it happens to be a state that requires an agency for all types of adoption, or (B) if either the BM or SD are registered Native Americans. I am trying to think of anything else that would complicate things, but like I said, I don't know much about surrogacy. 

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  • You need an adoption lawyer now.  This isn't a tradional surrogacy, more like an identified, independent adoption.  Don't worry about ICPC, like PP said 7-10 days you will be in the sending state before you can leave with the baby, but you need a lawyer, probably in both states, to handle the legalities.  Once you get back to your state, you will finalize the adoption.  Took us 10 months, but we had legal custody the whole time.

    And, the baby will be with you likely from discharge from the hospital.

    TTC since May 2006. After 3 failed Clomid cycles, 2 failed Injectibles/IUIs, 2 failed IVFs and 1 failed FET, we moved on to adoption! 

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    Last ditch FET resulted in BFP, and identical twin girls!

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  • Questions and comment. 

    Questions - First, did your surrogate get pregnant because you had a contract with her to do so?  If so, this is NOT adoption unless she was artificially inseminated with her eggs and donor sperm.  I am going to assume you and spouse paid for her to carry, which is not legal in adoption.  Don't you have a lawyer involved if this is a surrogate?

    Comment - Second, KS is an adoption friendly state and if that is the route you need to take it may not be any issue, or should not be, but this doesn't sound like a cut and close case of adoption. 

    GL and keep us posted.

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    Failed Matches - December 2012, May 2013, December 2013
    Moved on to  gestational surrogacy with a family friend who is our angel and due 7/23/15


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