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Creating good will vs. being right

ldooldoo member
in Single Parents
I'm buying two car seats for STBXH's car because I took them when we moved, which he deems unfair. He bought them new beds, and I thought, "Fine, I'll be nice and get him new seats since he got new beds, which I also took when we moved."

Granted, I'll have to get them new beds soon, too.

I know I don't HAVE to get him seats, but it's creating good will this way. And with his temper, that's really important. No, I don't want to be bowled over continually by his insistence that I do things, but at this point, doing something nice can go a long way toward our co-parenting efforts.

Plus, I'm OCD about what seats they have, and if he's going to get something crappy on his own, I REALLY want to buy the right ones.

What would you ladies do?

(I wrote about this here https://amominlimbo.blogspot.com/, but I have only one follower and needed advice. Ha!)

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Re: Creating good will vs. being right

  • FyreFlyeRushFyreFlyeRush member
    I'm in the buy it yourself phase. You have to buy all your own baby gear. I'm not giving you mine.

    Our facilitator told me he needs to provide his own stuff for LO. But, if you want then to have X car seat, then buy a set for him or let him use yours.
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  • DarthNBJenniDarthNBJenni
    To be honest, I wouldn't do it. My court order language really screwed me because it said I would provide all baby gear. Which my ex-husband took to mean all their clothes, toothbrushes, car seats, strollers, EVERYTHING. He's even asked me for food for them before. He provides them nothing while they are at his house. It's like they don't exist over there.

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  • keychain01keychain01
    I agree with FFR, if you want a particular one your kids to be in then yes get it yourself. But will it stop there though? I mean he will notice that it bothers you that they have a particular one which in turn he can keep using excuses and then here you are furnishing for two homes and cars. But at the same time I know you want your kids to be safe. I guess tread carefully when doing stuff like this.
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  • ldooldoo member

    imagekeychain01:
    I agree with FFR, if you want a particular one your kids to be in then yes get it yourself. But will it stop there though? I mean he will notice that it bothers you that they have a particular one which in turn he can keep using excuses and then here you are furnishing for two homes and cars. But at the same time I know you want your kids to be safe. I guess tread carefully when doing stuff like this.

    I think you hit the nail on the head: I need to tread lightly. We've been in difference houses since May, so in terms of other big items, there's not much left.

    In terms of clothes, shoes, etc....They are at his house Wed and Thur night, and all day Sunday, coming home to me at bed time. So I dunno...I just pack PJS and an extra set of clothes in their suitcases. I HAVE given him a bunch of clothes at his insistence, but they sat in his truck for two months. And now that they're in his house, they're not even put on shelves or in drawers.

    And I've been OK with that, because it's not really a problem.

    But as I think of it, wouldn't my 4yo - who doesn't want to be at his house (she misses her mommy) - feel more like it's her home too if he created some space for their clothes? He created a nice bedroom, but their clothes are unused in a bin on the floor.

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  • UberBizUberBiz member

    It depends on what the rest of your relationship is like. I've always been nice to my ex when it comes to our daughter, because I want it to be amicable for her sake. I've let him borrow the carseat before, and I used to always pack her clothes for weekend visits. Now that she is there for longer periods of time (we live 6hrs away now so she only goes during school breaks), he has clothes for her there and I don't have to pack anything. But trust me, it's taken 6 long years to come to this point of friendliness, the beginning was nothing like it is now!

    If you stick to your guns about certain things (like if he has to provide health insurance or part of the cost for things like daycare or something), then I don't see any reason to compromise on other things. If he bought two beds, I'd say that was a bigger purchase than two carseats, and you made out on that one.

    OMG too many tickers...
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