SAHMs - help me decide!

ShopperKristi · September 2012

So I am super-fortunate to have the option to stay home with my boys if I choose to after my maternity leave but three weeks in I am starting to wonder if I am cut out to be home alone with two babies all day. I am super nervous about being alone and trying to feed them at the same time, console them at the same time, etc.

So if you stay home, how did you manage with newborns? Any tips? Did you ever regret it? I am so torn!

BananaPancake · September 2012

Staying at home is ROUGH for the first year. It's thankless, grueling, mind-melting and incredibly tedious.

I'd do it over and over and over and over and over. :-) There is nothing like mothering your babies, and the first year is rough but rewarding. There are so many tiny firsts that your daycare provider doesn't get the chance to tell you about, and your babies really and truly WANT to be with YOU all day long. No one can do it like Mama, and you'll never regret spending this time with them.

macchiatto · September 2012

My boys are 3.5 and I've SAH with them this whole time. I have done some very part-time and project-based WAH jobs as well along the way. I don't regret it, though it's been really challenging at times! The biggest keys to surviving in the newborn stage were:

* sleeping in shifts with DH. Otherwise I would've gotten NO sleep. I would go to bed really early--like between 7 and 8 p.m.--and sleep until 1 a.m. (This worked even better after I stopped BFing. ) Then I would get up and take over for DH, who would then sleep until 7 or 8 and then he'd get up for work. The boys also tended to sleep better during the first half of the night so he could usually get an hour or two of sleep during his shift as well.

* tandem-feeding them (first BF, then bottle)

* 2 friends who each came over for 1-3 hrs once a week to help out with holding and feeding babies, watching them so I could shower and pump, chatting with me while we fed babies or folded laundry, etc.

* accepting offers of meals and one couple from church even came over and cleaned our whole house when the boys were 1 month old! That was a huge blessing.

DH and I had to share a car until the boys were 10m so I went a little stir-crazy; they were also January babies so we couldn't even get out and go for walks those first few months. If you can do so though I think that would help!

Kb103109 · September 2012

Being a SAHM is very challenging. BUT I would not change it for anything. I adore being home with my girls. The only advice I would give to you is to try to keep yourself busy and make sure to have time alone at least once a week, take full advantage of anyone offering help in any way, and just get a routine down. My girls are 9 months old and I feel like I have been going nuts the last few months with anxiety because I did not take all the good advice people gave me and did not accept the help being offered. Being a first time mom I wanted to prove to everyone that I can do it on my own and that I am a good mom. I do remember the first few weeks of being alone with them was sooo hard on me. DH was working of course and when the constant help faded it made it worse. GL!!

KellyD01 · September 2012

I've SAH all but 2 months of my 4yo's life. There are times I want to rip my hair out, ESPECIALLY when the girls were little, but I wouldn't change it for the world. When the twins were 2 weeks old DH went back to work and I haven't had anyhelp during the day since.

A few things that worked for us

DH would get up w/ me when the first one woke at night, he'd change her diaper and go warm bottles. Once the bottles were warm he'd wake the second girl and we'd feed them at the same time. Luckily they always went back to sleep right after.
I did a good bit of meal planning w/ crock pot meals. I'd make up most of the meals on Sunday, put the veggies or sauces into a ziploc and the meat into a 2nd ziploc. The stuff for monday and tuesday went intothe fridge, eveything else into the freezer. I'd throw it in the crockpot in the morning while the 1st bottles of the day were warming.
If the girls wanted to eat at the same time during the day, I'd lay one inside a boppy pillow on the couch next to me, and prop the other in my lap. (I'd put my right ankle resting on my left knee and nestle her there) One would scream when it would come time for burping... but that was the best thing I could work out.
Another option for both eating was the girls in their rock n plays, me holding the bottles.
Housework just did not get done! Our agreement was that I was staying home to be a mom first, housewife second, and if things didn't get done during the day so be it and it would be up to both of us at night. I know plenty of people who had their first child, stayed home and did it all... that doesn't work so well w/ multiples.
When DH was home everything was 50% his responsibility. That went for housework, meals, and taking care of the kids.
Finally... you take one day at a time, one hour at a time if you need to. Twins have their own sets of challenges most moms w singletons, even singletons very close together in age just don't get.

angelfire02 · September 2012

I have been home with my babies for 4 months now and LOVE it. I was a nanny for 5 kids before they were born so honestly for me going from 5 to 2 made my perspective a lot different. But I can say of course that it's hard. It's stressful and challenging, but you get into a routine and figure things out. My husband went back to work when the babies were 2 weeks old, I was pumping around the clock every 3 hours and did all the night feedings myself. We didn't have any help so I just made it work. Here is what worked for us:

1. On the weekends my husband HAD to get up and help me at night. It ended up that I was faster doing it on my own, but it was nice to have the company!

2. I was never able to BF because I had some HORRIBLE infection that I am still battling, so I just pumped, but I had a hands free bra, so I would pump while feeding the babies in their boppies and then burp them on my lap sitting up. This cut down on the total time I had to be awake. I also had two sets of pumping flanges so I didn't have to wash everything every time. Have enough bottles to get you through an entire day.

3. I would go to Target to get out of the house for things we needed once a week. I save grocery shopping for when my husband can come with me. I tried to do it alone but I get distracted because I don't have anyone with me!

4. Make sure you shower. This was the ONLY time I got to myself for the first three months. Use that time!

5. I wish I would have been more on top of having frozen dinners for when we came home. I thought that being home I would have time to make dinner. Nope.

6. Like pp said, take it hour by hour if you need to. You really do figure out how to do things on your own, my husband started a job out of town for the next 2 months so I'm totally on my own. But we're making it work and my kids are learning the importance of patience at an early age.

Good luck with your decision, I don't think that every parent is cut out to stay at home so you need to do what's right for your family. And you can always try it and go back to work if it's not a good fit for you.

adacopeach · September 2012

I have been off of work for 5 months now and I've had my boys at home for about 3 months. I go back to work tomorrow part time and I have been crying for a week now. I don't want to go back to work......It is a rough job being at home 24/7, but they are only this little once. Plus, it does get a little easier, as they get older. I would give ANYTHING to be in your position.

ShopperKristi · September 2012

Thanks so much for your responses! I just love the gals on this board! I know in my heart staying home is what I want for myself and my boys but I think I am just nervous to give up a job I am comfortable in (but don't love by any stretch of the imagination). I really appreciate all your tips and a dose of reality too. I am sure some days will be an absolute challenge but the rewards will be so much greater than any job!

MuseumMaven · September 2012

SAH was really hard for the first few months, but I'm so glad I did it. I would recommend getting as much help as you can - I had some "grandmas" from my church who loved to come over and snuggle babies. I was great - I got some help, a little company, and they got to cuddle adorable babies. Everybody wins.

I nursed and was able to tandem nurse after about three months - my boys had latch issues, so before that it was one at a time. I usually put the other in a swing or in a bouncy and bounced him with my foot.

Going for walks was a life saver. When they both were fussy I could usually get them to calm down by walking around with the stroller.

Using a sling or carrier also really helped - I could wear the fussy baby and still get things done around the house like doing laundry or making myself some lunch.

I will admit, there are days that I really miss working and my career, but then I get a lapful of squirming, giggling toddler and I wouldn't change a thing.

lmydogally · September 2012

My girls will be 8 months this week. Last week was the first week I felt normal. Normal as in comfortable in this roll not working and staying home with my girls. I was a lean mean career woman before I had my babies but once they were born I knew I needed to stay home with them.

It's been weird for me but I also love that I am the one who experiences their first mile stones and I never have to worry that they aren't being fed enough during the day or that they will get a cold going around day care.

I have a routine that starts with a walk in the morning. Everyday after their morning nap we do something like go to Target, Story Time, Play dates, etc. One day a week I don't go anywhere and just clean the house. I'm also making other SAHM friends and that helps.

erniebufflo · September 2012

It wasn't for me. Now I am back in grad school, and they go to daycare 3 days per week. We started at 4 months, and it was such a relief.

ColleenS629 · September 2012

It is really hard in the beginning. I chose to SAH and I was so scared to be alone with them to be the only one there when they needed to eat, were crying, etc. In the beginning I did have moments where I thought, "Am I really cut out for this?" My dream has always been to be a SAHM and I never thought I'd be able to so having those thoughts were hard for me. How did I manage? I just did the best I could. I learned how to tandem nurse them so that helped with feeding both at the same time. When they were both crying, I did my best to console one, then the other. Sometimes I wore one and held the other. The most important thing to remember is that it gets better. It gets easier and more fun. I had to decide again whether to go back to work this school year (I'm a teacher so I'm making the decision each year about whether or not to look for a job). My H and I decided that it was best for all of us for me to SAH another year. I don't regret it at all. I often look at them and what they are doing throughout the day and I think "I'm so glad I get to experience this. If I was at work, I'd be missing all of this." They are so much fun now. Of course, there are things that are a lot harder now that they are mobile, but I love SAH and I wouldn't trade it for anything. That being said, SAH isn't for everyone and you shouldn't feel bad at all if returning to work is the best thing for your family. A happy and fulfilled mama = happy babies.

Scorpgirl444 · September 2012

I have been at home since early on in my pregnancy because of where my job was located. 60 miles each way was not something I wanted to do pregnant. That said even if that didn't happen, I wouldn't choose anything else. DH and I were adamant about being the ones to raise our children. While I know for some this isn't possible and I don't at all fault them, we felt very strongly about being the ones who see all of their firsts. Neither of us would have been happy if we heard from a daycare worker that our baby rolled over or sat up or whatever the first would have been.

I love being able to watch them everyday. Just seeing them play with the toys on their play mat and hearing them make all their cute noises is well worth it.

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