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May 2012 Moms
kkchisholm
member
XP: Jealous dog.
kkchisholm
member
So, my dog Jack is getting more and more jealous, not less as time passes. Before LO Jack was very very spoiled and now that a lot of attention goes to DD he's super jealous. Example- If I am on the floor alone, Jack has no care in the world about me.. but if I am on the floor with DD he wants to lay exactly where she is. And just now DH was holding the baby while she 'walked' and I got down and walked towards her and Jack rushed right inbetween us! I know he's aware of where she is but it seems like he just wants to tumble her over or roll on her!
I do SO much to try to make him feel loved. We cuddle in bed everynight, I make sure to give him hugs right after spending time with DD. I bring her over to him and let him give her little kisses. I go outside and play with him leaving Hallie inside with DH and he does the same. I'm worried about two things; I worry about the emotional state of my dog! And I worry about him and dd's relationship and maybe even accidently hurting her! What would you do?
Oh, and we rescued Jack from a shelter 2 years ago.
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Re: XP: Jealous dog.
Former dog trainer here.
It's good you're purposely giving him attention! Now it's time to re-frame how he sees you interacting with DD.
I would teach him a good stay. A GOOD stay. With a consistent way to tell him to stay and a consistent way to tell him he's free, and with lots of fun and good treats! Start to up your "distractions" when he's gotten it. Start by looking at DD while he's staying, then looking back to him and releasing him ("releasing him" means telling him he can stop staying). Then put him in a stay, walk towards DD, come back, and release him. Move up until you can have him stay while you go see DD, hold her, give her back, and then release him. This will let him learn to be able to control himself while you're with her. Remember the 3 Ds for stay: distance, duration, distraction. While you're upping the distraction keep the distance and duration short (e.g. don't put him in a long stay on the other side of the room while with your DD).
Now that he's got the ability to control himself, start expecting it more. Don't put him in a stay but stop interacting with him and look towards DD. If he stays calm, toss him a treat while still looking at her, and then go back to interacting with him. Make sure the treat comes while he's calm and you're looking so you reward the right thing! Again, up what you're doing. Walk towards DD, if he stays calm toss a treat. As he gets good you can do this several times as you keep walking. Talk to her, toss a treat if he ignores you. Etc. The goal is that he learns that you interacting with DD means only good things will happen, whereas right now he sees it as a negative thing. As he gets better at this do more and more before tossing the treat. Don't toss it as soon. Don't toss it as frequently. Etc. Up the time he can "wait" while you interact with DD. He'll be calm and happy during this time because he'll think good things will be coming soon! Eventually this calm and happy while you interact with DD will just be his normal state and you won't need the treat to reinforce it anymore. Also be on the lookout for good behavior when you're not training. It's easy to miss a non-reaction, because it's nothing, but make a point of looking for it and rewarding it with treats, praise, interaction, whatever!
As he gets good at all this be sure you don't yell at him if he runs in between you, etc. Remember, negative attention is better than being ignored! So what is the worst punishment? Ignoring him! If he gets in the way or reacts inappropriately, turn away from him, don't make eye contact, refuse to interact with him. Once he has calmed down you can try again. This won't be bad for your DD at this point, she'll still have your DH or other things to occupy herself, but Jack will get the message. Eventually he'll learn reacting loses your attention, staying calm might gain it.
HTH, feel free to ask questions if you've got them!
Corbin | born 4.19.12
Baby boy #2 | due 4.13.15
Thank you so much! This is very helpful! Thankfully Jack is very motivated by treats and is already a great 'stayer'.
One question, he gets most jealous when she's on the floor. (right now my dh is playing with her in the saucer and he seems to have no care in the world, but I gave him a treat!) So you think I should be away from her and then walk towards her? I don't want to leave her alone with out me right by, but I do have a net/tent thing I can put her in, although he seems less jealous with the net thing, but sometimes likes to get in it too when shes not it in! I'll try this first, but if this doesnt work what would you suggest? Should one of us be with her on the floor and the other do the commands? Maybe put her in bumboI hope I am making sense!
Heres Jack, Hallie and that tent thing I am talking about!
If jack has acess to other rooms, he will sometimes go to the bathroom inside when we are gone. So we keep him confined to living room/kitchen ( as its open) and he wont go inside. Also this area is all hardwood flloors. If we leave access to upstairs open, bedrooms open etc, he may go in that room. He wont go in the house if he has to stay inside that room. So it's my livingroom/kitchen is sort of like a massive crate! I'd try that!
Well, of course, the number one priority is DD's safety! So don't do anything that will risk her. If he's more upset with her on the floor, work up to that, don't start there. When you first introduce it, have your DH there with her to protect her if need be and/or do it with Jake on a leash. You'll want to work up to doing it with him free and DD by herself, but don't try it until you're comfortable nothing will happen!
As for walking towards her, etc, it's really up to you. You want to start with something really easy and work up from there. For some dogs just looking at DD might be all he can handle at first. So start there! For some walking towards might make it harder, which is why I suggested it next, but for some it might be nbd. You know what is easiest and hardest for your dog. It's not so much about doing specific things (first look, then walk, then touch) as it is about slowly increasing the difficulty for YOUR dog. I outlined one example for some dogs, but if it doesn't make sense to you go with what does! You should be able to come up with a safe way to make it harder. Remember: Distance, Duration, Distraction. If you can't find a safe way to up the distraction on your own, try upping the distance (have Jack farther from you and DD) or duration (play with her for several minutes before you acknowledge him). The main point is that your goal is to work at the level your dog can just barely succeed at. If he breaks his stay and/or reacts inappropriately, he's getting practice at the behavior you don't want. You want him to practice the behavior you do want! But you also want him to be able to do the behavior you do want in all circumstances, which is why we make it harder. In summary: you know what is easier/harder for your dog. Start with the hardest thing he can succeed with. Once he can succeed there, make it a little harder. Teeny-tiny increments are fine, just keep letting him be successful!
One last thing: when you're practicing and making it harder, throw in easy ones sometimes. It is incredibly fatiguing to always work at your hardest level, getting an easy success is very rejuvinating!
Also, your family is adorable :-D
Hope that clears things up, feel free to ask more questions. This is easier when I'm there in person and can talk and/or demonstrate, so sorry for any unclearness :P
Well, first, I promise he's not doing this to get even or because he's jealous and wants to punish you (though it can definitely feel that way!). Dogs are flat-out not capable of that kind of revenge-based thinking. It's more likely he's doing it because he's stressed from the change and that is how he's reacting. Remember, housebreaking is the single most unnatural thing we ever ask our dogs to do; no animal on its own waits to go potty in just one type of place and avoids it in another big area (a small den being an exception, but your house will always be too big for that). So when dogs are stressed, that is sometimes one if the early things to go.
Sadly, though, there's no simple solution. Try to keep your dog's routine as close to what he's used to as possible to minimize stress, but you'll likely have to re-housebreak him. And there's no easy way to do that, just a lot of work! Confine him to a small area when you're gone, and when you're home keep him right with you so he can't sneak away to go potty in the house (use gates or possibly even tether him to you with a leash so he can't escape your sight). Give him lots of opportunities to go potty outside and praise excessively when he does. As he does well, give him more freedom. If he starts having accidents again, give him less freedom for a bit, then try to give him more again. Hopefully he'll pick up on it again quickly! I know it's a pain, I had to do it with my dog when we got a cat, wish there was a magic bullet for it!
One last thing: be sure you never yell at your dog for having an accident. If it's after the fact he doesn't understand why you're yelling at him (he doesn't associate his poop being there with the act of pooping in the past). If it's while he's having an accident it's far more likely to make him scared of going in front of you than it is to make him scared of going in the house. And if he's scared to go in front of you it gets even harder to get him to go outside with you when you want!
Good luck!
Thank you for so much of your time! We tried a little today and he's already slightly more careful around her! Can you just come over? haha.
Ha, no problem, I became a dog trainer because I like helping dogs stay in their homes. Glad it seems to be helping! Here's to hoping you keep seeing progress :-D
Oh, and I could come over, but then it's $65/hour. I'm thinking you'd prefer the free internet advice ;-) Good luck! Feel free to ask again if you hit a wall!.