Sad Transition to Preschool

MaliaMouse · September 2012

LO turned 3 in June. Last week we started preschool at an "In Home Preschool" taught by a woman I have known for 7+ years. She is wonderful. He goes to school MWF 9-1 and I volunteer in the classroom on Wednesdays. Last week we started on a Wednesday. LO still needs some time with learning to follow direction, understanding that he can't always do what he wants when he wants (ie follow someone elses schedule), etc. He's been away from home before, stayed with my parents for a few days and nights, and had his Gramma babysit him here. He's taken swimming classes, sports classes, and had a regular playgroup. Two of the kids in his preschool class are kids he's done classes with and refers to as his "best friend". First day of class he was fine, seemed to have fun and enjoyed the experience. Friday he had his first day with out me and there were no tears, he told me he had fun at preschool, and according to his teacher and Friday's assistant, he had a great time. This Monday when I went to drop him off he was fine again. Wednesday I volunteered and his eyes were wet the entire time. His lips were curled into a "I am about to cry but I am trying to be strong" look. He repeatedly asked me to take him home. Today before we even left the house he was saying "No preschool!" When I dropped him off he was near tears again. I left before I started to cry myself. 15 min later I got a text picture that he was playing and having a great time, his teacher and the assistant told me that he had had a great day and was having fun. He showed me the art project he'd done and told me he'd had fun. We got home and played and did some errands and then he took a nap. Woke up-fine again. However about 7 (an hour early) he stated to tell me he wanted to take a bath and go to bed, he began to cry and proceeded to clean up his toys sobbing all the while. He was fine in his bath, fine for books, and then when we cuddled before he went to sleep he was so quiet. He looks so sad. He seems like something is WRONG.

IS something wrong? Is he okay? Is this just part of the transition to Preschool? Is it too soon to try? How much longer should I give it before I decide to withdraw him from school? I hate seeing him sad. Upset, angry, I can handle all of that, but sad? It is literally breaking my heart.

Help... advice? please.

MaliaMouse · September 2012

I don't think so. I've been asking him if he feels bad, sick, if anything hurts, etc and he says no and that he is sad

macchiatto · September 2012

Hm. It might just be the transition; I'm not sure. My boys started preschool last January the week after they turned 3. The first day they were both really happy and kept asking, "Can we go to preschool again?" By the second week though, Will started saying repeatedly, "I don't want to go to preschool!" every time I mentioned it. Alex, though, LOVED it. At dropoff Will would be clingy. It was interesting since Will's usually pretty outgoing and loves to explore and try new things; Alex tends to be shy and cautious. Before starting preschool, Alex didn't interact with peers at all, but he made friends there. I thought at times about pulling Will out but it was so good for Alex and I hated to think about sending one twin and not the other. I think Alex loved the structure and Will had a hard time adjusting to it but we decided after talking to some mom friends to stick with it and Will started admitting he liked it again.

All that time he was always happy when I went to pick them up so it didn't seem like he was genuinely sad or upset at school.

ldcoffel · September 2012

Aww! That would make me sad too. Is there a specific event that happened that he's having trouble communicating to you about? DD loves preschool, but became very upset and emotional because she worked on a geoboard and thought she was going to be able to bring it home, but it is something that stays at school.

Also school days wear her out more than home days. She needs time after school to unwind and process everything that happened.

brownmouse · September 2012

It seems from the timeline of your story (and correct me if thats wrong) that he seems fine the days you are not there, but the the day you volunteer he gets upset about it. Maybe he is having an issue with you being at the school with him. I am a preschool teacher, and at a bit over a yea, my daughter went to the same school I was teaching at. I have found that in the beginning, on the days I was in her class (sometimes I float around and cover breaks when the ratio is low in my regular classroom) she had a much harder time with transitions and following directions, and happened to cry more than using her words. It's hard for them to see Mama helping out with other kids, and grasping the possibility that they might not be your #1 priority all the time. I'd suggest giving it a few weeks for him to settle in before volunteering in the classroom and see if that helps.

MaliaMouse · September 2012

Thanks everyone for the heartfelt advice. He did wake up with a cough and a runny nose, so maybe it is part "sick" part "rough transition" either way it tears me in half to see him sad. I guess I just need to stick it out until it gets better... it will get better right???

I wish I could take the advice and let him do it all on his own, but I get discount for volunteering and it is the only way I can afford it

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