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To invite or not to invite?

CurlyQ284CurlyQ284 member
in Baby Showers

The hostess asked for my guest list so I gave it to to her. We have a really good mutual friend who is a gay guy.  When I asked him to be in my wedding, he literally yelled at me "Yes but I will quit if you try to put me on the girls side.  Just because I'm gay does not make me a girl and I'll be pissed."  I reassured him I had no intentions of putting him with the bridesmaids, and things were fine.  (he was in a lot of weddings that year so maybe someone else tried to do this to him?  I have no idea where that came from).  I did not put him on the list for my bridal shower for this reason, since that's a "girl thing".

Hostess thinks I should invite our friend and his boyfriend (who we adore as well) to the baby shower.  I explained why I didn't put him on the list, and she says "oh whatever, he'll be annoyed if he's invited and he'll be annoyed if he's left out so he can just deal with it"  He lives out of state, I already asked him months ago if he would be coming back home any time this year (they got a puppy and I'm dying to see her) and he said he probably wouldn't because he didn't have enough vacation time so I don't think he'll come anyway.  What do you think?

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Re: To invite or not to invite?

  • MommyLuvsMe1210MommyLuvsMe1210 member

    imageCurlyQ284:
    he said he probably wouldn't because he didn't have enough vacation time so I don't think he'll come anyway.  What do you think?

    I think there's your answer. 

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  • cwm11985cwm11985 member
    You're not inviting any other boys so why would he be any different?
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  • CurlyQ284CurlyQ284 member
    imagecwm11985:
    You're not inviting any other boys so why would he be any different?


    I agree but hostess is pressuring me to invite him so I thought maybe I was wrong in this.
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  • rhubarb123rhubarb123 member

    imageCurlyQ284:
    imagecwm11985:
    You're not inviting any other boys so why would he be any different?
    I agree but hostess is pressuring me to invite him so I thought maybe I was wrong in this.

    Your hostess is wrong in this instance.  Are you inviting non-gay friends that live out of state and have told you they have no vacation time to travel back to your hometown?  Besides...if he came back what would he do with the dog?

    BTW...baby showers are traditionally a "girl thing" unless you are having a co-ed baby shower.  Then it would be OK to invite him but he has already said he can not come back.

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  • EastCoastBrideEastCoastBride member

    imageCurlyQ284:
    imagecwm11985:
    You're not inviting any other boys so why would he be any different?
    I agree but hostess is pressuring me to invite him so I thought maybe I was wrong in this.
    But you've heard directly from HIM that he doesn't like being counted as a "girl" simply because he's gay.  Why does what your hostedd "think" trump what your friend has out and out TOLD you?

    He's a guy. You're not inviting guys.  Don't invite him.

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  • maiatenemaiatene member
    CMW what did you do to your baby for them to make that face lol!
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  • BLPL101BLPL101 member
    I wouldn't invite him. One of my closest friends is gay and I didn't even think about inviting him to my shower.
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  • moonglow_84moonglow_84
    Since he's probably not coming back and he made his feelings clear about "not being a girl just cause he's gay", I'd just leave him out of this one.  I can't imagine he'll feel left out, and if he does say anything, just bring up those conversations with him and I'm sure he'll understand.
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  • 1026pumpkin1026pumpkin member
    I think there are 2 points to consider: unless you're very close to the invitee, inviting someone that you know can't make it is a little gift-grabby; 2- if this is not a co-ed shower, DO NOT invite him.  Especially since he's made it clear in the past he does not appreciate being considered "one of the girls."  I would tell your host that if it's going to be a co-ed shower, invite him; if not, don't. 
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