Telling aunt/cousin about Meet the Baby party

jterpbride · September 2012

My sister will be hosting my shower. My mom said she didn't want to invite extended family because the guest list would get out of control. We have a pretty big family, so with friends, it could easily become a 50+ person shower.

At first my mom said she'd do a second family only shower, but I suggested a Meet the Baby, which could be more casual and not about gifts, and could just be in one of the small "party rooms" in her condo building. She liked that idea.

So the shower in Nov. is just friends plus immediate family (mom, sis, MIL, grandma) at my house. I know my mom will spread the word about a Meet the Baby party to all other family...except on my dad's side.

Background: my dad died seven years ago, and there was some animosity when he got sick and my uncle and aunt barely visited, didn't offer her any help/support, etc. Her biggest problem is with my aunt who my mom thinks "runs the show" and is selfish, yada yada. That being said, my mom and aunt can be around each other for weddings and those types of things, but outside of events they don't talk and the unspoken truth is they don't like one another.

My mom said she'd invite her and my female cousin to the Meet the Baby party but that won't be 'til next spring. I wouldn't want my aunt and cousin to think there was a shower and they just weren't invited. Plus I'm sure my friends will post photos on FB and my cousin will see.

So, to finally get to my actual question: will bringing up now that there is a friends only shower but they'll be invited to the Meet the Baby seem like I'm fishing for them to ask "Oh so where are you registered?" My concern is not about gifts, it's about seeming like we chose not to invite them to a shower, which worries me given the already sensitive relationship between my mom and aunt. Or am I overthinking it?

rhubarb123 · September 2012

I believe you are overthinking it. Invite who you want to your party (if that is just close friends and close family then so be it). Cousins and aunts are not necessarily close and it sounds like these people on your dad's side definitely are not close. If they see pics on facebook and ask why they weren't invited just tell them that you are having a Meet the Baby Party in the Spirng and hope they will be able to make it to that. Our meet the baby parties were much bigger than any of the showers I had so hopefully there is enough room in the community room you speak of. lol

MCookie816 · September 2012

Honestly, I kind of wonder why you would choose to invite friends over family to your shower. I mean, I understand that the guest list would be too large including them both but if your Mom(family) is throwing the shower I think it would be more appropriate to invite your family rather than friends. Especially given the fact that you are worried about family finding out about not being invited via Facebook photos, it all sounds very sticky. GL!

jterpbride · September 2012

MCookie816:
Honestly, I kind of wonder why you would choose to invite friends over family to your shower. I mean, I understand that the guest list would be too large including them both but if your Mom(family) is throwing the shower I think it would be more appropriate to invite your family rather than friends. Especially given the fact that you are worried about family finding out about not being invited via Facebook photos, it all sounds very sticky. GL!

I'm just worried about one person finding out via Facebook photos, my cousin. And her telling her mom. The rest of the extended family is older and not on FB, and my mom would tell them about the Meet the Baby. I'm really not that close with most of my extended family. They are more people my mom is close to.

No, my sister is actually throwing the shower, but my mom said not to invite extended family. I questioned it but she said it was just going to be too much and she can't invite some of them but not all.

My immediate family will be there plus friends, which sounds right to me. So I'm fine with this choice, but just wanted advice on how to tell my cousin, who would also tell my aunt. She probably won't be offended or think I'm fishing for registry questions but just making sure. I wouldn't want it to come across that way.

EastCoastBride · September 2012

rhubarb123:
If they see pics on facebook and ask why they weren't invited just tell them that you are having a Meet the Baby Party in the Spirng and hope they will be able to make it to that.

THis.

ANd there is NOTHING wrong w/ inviting friends over family. My extended family is not close. At all. My wedding- we absolutely chose close friends over distant family. I don't believe in "blood is thicker" than water as an absolute. Some people don't fit into the mold.

moonglow_84 · September 2012

EastCoastBride:
rhubarb123:
If they see pics on facebook and ask why they weren't invited just tell them that you are having a Meet the Baby Party in the Spirng and hope they will be able to make it to that. 
THis.
 ANd there is NOTHING wrong w/ inviting friends over family.  My extended family is not close. At all.  My wedding- we absolutely chose close friends over distant family.  I don't believe in "blood is thicker" than water as an absolute.  Some people don't fit into the mold.

I'm in agreement with all of this. I had 5 bridesmaids in my wedding and none of them were family members, not even my half sister, who is ten years younger than me and lived with my dad while I lived with my mom. I had friends who I was close to and it was more important to me to honor that friendship.

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