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saying the RIGHT thing

rockpaperloverockpaperlove member
in Infertility Veterans

I was at a concert last night with a group of girls.  The one who got some pretty amazing FREE VIP tickets had a baby about eight months ago and I had not seen her since she had her son "J".

She and I have never previously talked about my infertility struggles, but through this group of girlfriends - I knew she heard through another as it wasn't a secret. 

At some point during the concert, a light and silly conversation I can't even recall in the midst of all the chaos somehow someway led me to genuinely and cheerfully say..."you are so lucky!" (in reference to "J"). 

Her demeanor immediately changed and with the upmost sincerity...she said, "I am so sorry - I don't know what to say" and she gave me a big huge heartfelt hug!

How amazing is that?!

Long story short, there were a few tears and hugs exchanged and I reassured her that she said exactly the right thing when she said she felt like she needed to say more.  I kept saying, no - you said the best few words that simply mean the most.

We need more of her type to say the few select right words!

Countless BFN(s)
Moving to IVF

IVF1 (ICSI): Long Lupron
6R. 3F. 3DT. 8Cell 1Grade 2Embies. 1Frostie.
Beta 1/22: 14 Beta 1/24: 24 Beta 1/26: 28
Round One Result: Chemical Pregnancy

Pressing Forward

IVF2 (ICSI/AH/ACU): Microdose Lupron Flare
13R. 11F. 5DT. 2TFR'ed. 1Frostie.
Round Two Result 4/30: Harsh BFN

FET. 2TFR'ed.
Round Three Result 6/25: BFN
Where do we go from here?

Moving forward with CCRM in 2013
ODWU revealed blocked tube(s). Lap 2/15.
Bilateral Tubal Ligation. Stage IV Endo.
Finally some (tough) answers.


IVF3 (ICSI/CCS): Antagonist with EPP
13R. We have 3 CCS Normal Embryos!


Lupron Depot: May 2013 to August 2013
Long awaited FET on 9/3. 2TFR'ed.
BFP on FRER 5dp5dt: IN SHOCK!
Beta1 9/10: 152.7! Beta2 9/12: 378! Beta3 9/14: 1224! 

1st ultrasound 10/1: TWO beautiful heartbeats!  Overjoyed!

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Re: saying the RIGHT thing

  • mm29mm29 member

    I love this post!  

    It is rare when ppl say the right thing.  

    ::: Married June 2003:::
    TTC #1 since: Aug. 2008
    Me: 34, DOR, MTHFR-A1298C (heterozygous), decreased blood flow to uterus, Mild Endo
    DH: 38, Balanced translocation 5&10, unexplained MFI, normal SA and SCSA
    Tx History: IUI 1&2= BFN
    IVF# 1 W/ICSI= BFN
    IVF# 2: cancelled d/t no response
    IVF# 3= 1 egg retrieved=immature/not viable
    IVF# 4= c/p
    ***CCRM ODWU***
    Found DHs BT and Me-decreased blood flow to uterus
    Recommended DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture. Decided to cycle locally
    ***New RE***
    DE IVF# 1(cycle #6) w/pgd, (freeze all): 30R, 23M, 15F, slow/poor embryo development, 4 biopsied, 1 Normal "Norm"; DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture. 
    IVF# 6: (OE/DS) cancelled
    IVF# 7: (OE/DS) 1R, 1M, 1F, arrested day 5
    Plan-DE IVF# 2 (cycle #8): DE/DS in May 2015

    http://icanhazbabyz.blogspot.com/
    imageimage image 
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  • Mrs.McIrishMrs.McIrish member

    Remember my post the other day about asking someone not to send me a birth announcement?? I am happy to say that my friend also said the RIGHT thing. She didn't try to fix it or diminish it or tell me to adopt or ignore me..

    She said "I'm also so very sorry to hear about your struggle with infertility. I'm sure IVF has been incredibly draining, physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. I feel as though infertility is the hidden struggle because most people don't talk about it. You are certainly not alone. I know so many people who've had incredible difficulty conceiving and have witnessed their pain. I'm sorry. Thank you for your honesty with regard to receiving baby information. I can certainly respect that. Please know that we're thinking of you!! And, please let us know if there's anything we can do."

    TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
    DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
    5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
    OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
    DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
    DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
    CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
    DE IVF #3 1/14  ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d

    DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
    First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!

    K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days

    imageimage

    SAIF/PAIF Welcome


    http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com

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  • Edwina.McDunnoughEdwina.McDunnough
    thumbs up !
    +++
    Report Reply
  • GregermisGregermis member
    awwwww SmileYes
    TTC #1 Since 4/2010, Cycle 30
    Positive for HLA-B27, I'm a mutant :p
    Testing - Me ok, gluten issue? DH - borderline count, low motility
    4/28/11 IUI#1 = BFP!(5/25), EDD 2/2/12 - m/c 5w3d
    7/3, 7/31, 9/25 - IUI#2-4=BFN
    IVF#1 - 1 blast = BFP!! (12/30), EDD 9/9/12, confirmed c/p 4w2d
    FET#1 3/2/12 - 2 blasts =BFP!! EDD 11/18/12, us#1 = twins! Confirmed m/c 5w6d
    4/20-surprise BFP and another c/p 4w2d
    FET#2 7/16/12 - 2 blasts = BFN
    FET#3 8/20/12 - 1 blast - BFP!! Beta #1-2=177, 354
    1st u/s 5w6d, one beautiful little HB :), 2nd u/s 146bpm
    baby girl born 5/10/13

    TTC#2 since 12/17/2014, Cycle 8
    Repeat Testing...FSH=12, AMH=3.8, AFC=28. 
    IUI#5 5/10/15- c/p?
    IVF#2 8/19/15 - cancelled due to cysts
    IVF#2 take two 10/2015 - 5 blasts frozen
    FET#4 12/11/2015 - BFN - 4 blasts remaining
    FET#5 2/18/16 - BFP!!!  Beta1-3, 126, 250, 745!!

    Image and video hosting by TinyPicLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    Tons of love and ((hugs)) to my IF sister NMscubagirl


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  • glueckglueck member
    She did great. I wish everyone could be so clued in!
    imageimage

    TTC#1 since October 2010

    "The jump is so frightening between where I am and where I want to be...because of all I may become I will close my eyes and leap." Mary Anne Radmacher

    Me:35, 5 major abdominal surgeries for Ulcerative colitis, failed j pouch, perm. Ileostomy DX-DOR & Tubal abnormalities/Extensive Adhesions from earlier surgeries.latest fsh -26 :(

    IVF 1- March 2012 Antagonist Protocol; BCP until March 3; AFC this cycle is 10 (Hooray); Start stims on March 9; ER on March 19- 2R; 2T (1 perfect 8 cell, 1 scrappy 3 cell); tubal infection from ER-hospitalized. Doomed! BFN

    Essure Procedure to treat bilateral hydrosalpinx; June 2012, wait 3 months for confirmation test.

    IVF2 (Egg Banking)-letrozole/antagonist cycle; June/July 2012 225iu merional + cetrotide; slow responder, Ovulated before ER. Unbelievable. Canceled remaining cycles with my eggs

    DE IVF in Brno, Czech. Approx. ET on Oct 6 CANCELLED-Essure didn't close both tubes-test again in 3 months

    IVF3-DE IVF ET on Dec 9, 2012 (decided to roll the dice no matter what!)

    2 perfect HB transferred; 8dp5dt beta:36; 10dp5dt beta 15; chemical pregnancy.

    Turning our hearts toward adoption

    DH:36, SA-perfect

    Married since July 11, 2009

    Fur baby Cairn Terrier

    SAIF/PAIF Welcome

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  • Roxie5739Roxie5739 member
    imageglueck:
    She did great. I wish everyone could be so clued in!


    Ditto! Would save a lot of "throat punching" thoughts

    Multiple ectopics, 2 failed IVF's
    IVF #1: Did not get to ET, embies all failed PGD (major chromosomal defects)
    IVF #2: We have 2 chromosomally perfect embies as a result of PGD (Boy/Girl) 1 failed the thaw (Girl) Transferred 1, yet ended as a c/p
    Thought it was the end of our TTC Journey 6/20/2012
    SHOCK BFP 9/28/2012: IT'S A BOY! and everything is normal !!!!!!

    Little A born 38w 2d on 05/23/13 and is a true miracle for this IF Vet!
     

    image              

     


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  • Jlynn3Jlynn3
    imageRoxie5739:
    imageglueck:
    She did great. I wish everyone could be so clued in!


    Ditto! Would save a lot of "throat punching" thoughts


    I agree!

    And McIrish, it's wonderful that your friend responded as she did.

    It's nice to know not everyone is completely clueless when it comes to saying the right thing!
    SAIFW
    TTC since 2008 dx PCOS & MFI
    Clomid/Femara no "O"
    IVF #1 BFN
    FET #1 cancelled for biopsy
    FET #1.2 c/p, July 2012 c/p
    IUI #1 & 1.2 canceled
    IVF #2 ER 12/1, Freeze all due to OHSS
    FET #2.1 cancelled due to DVT risk, FET #2.2 Jan 2013
    my blog
    image
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  • rockpaperloverockpaperlove member

    imageJlynn3:
    imageRoxie5739:
    imageglueck:
    She did great. I wish everyone could be so clued in!
    Ditto! Would save a lot of "throat punching" thoughts
    I agree! And McIrish, it's wonderful that your friend responded as she did. It's nice to know not everyone is completely clueless when it comes to saying the right thing!

    I agree with all of the above here. 

    And, McIrish - your friend is a keeper!

    Countless BFN(s)
    Moving to IVF

    IVF1 (ICSI): Long Lupron
    6R. 3F. 3DT. 8Cell 1Grade 2Embies. 1Frostie.
    Beta 1/22: 14 Beta 1/24: 24 Beta 1/26: 28
    Round One Result: Chemical Pregnancy

    Pressing Forward

    IVF2 (ICSI/AH/ACU): Microdose Lupron Flare
    13R. 11F. 5DT. 2TFR'ed. 1Frostie.
    Round Two Result 4/30: Harsh BFN

    FET. 2TFR'ed.
    Round Three Result 6/25: BFN
    Where do we go from here?

    Moving forward with CCRM in 2013
    ODWU revealed blocked tube(s). Lap 2/15.
    Bilateral Tubal Ligation. Stage IV Endo.
    Finally some (tough) answers.


    IVF3 (ICSI/CCS): Antagonist with EPP
    13R. We have 3 CCS Normal Embryos!


    Lupron Depot: May 2013 to August 2013
    Long awaited FET on 9/3. 2TFR'ed.
    BFP on FRER 5dp5dt: IN SHOCK!
    Beta1 9/10: 152.7! Beta2 9/12: 378! Beta3 9/14: 1224! 

    1st ultrasound 10/1: TWO beautiful heartbeats!  Overjoyed!

    Report Reply
  • mtlaurelmtlaurel
    We do need more of her in the world!
    TTC #1 since June 2010
    Me: 36, DH: 42
    Dx: DOR and MFI

    DH: low count + very low motility; hormones all normal; Sperm DNA Frag. test = poor to fair; male karyotyping normal
    Me: FSH 13.4 + AMH 0.26 + hypothyroidism; Scratch the hypothyrodism (?); Blood clotting and immune panel all negative; endometrial biopsy normal

    IVF #1 (MDLF - Jul/Aug 2011): BFN (9R, 5M, 3F with ICSI, 3dt of 1 10-cell grade 2, no frosties)
    IVF #2 (EP-antagonist - Sep/Oct 2011): BFN (6R, 4M, 3F w/ ICSI, 3dt of 1 6-cell, 1 7-cell, grade 4s, no frosties)
    DE IVF #1 (shared cycle - June 2012): c/p (6R, 6F w/ICSI, 3dt 1 8-cell grade A- and 1 7-cell grade A-; no frosties)
    DE IVF #2 (shared cycle with new donor - Nov/Dec/ 2012): - BFP!!!!! 12/14/12. U/S on 12/27 shows twins!!!!!

    SAIFW/PAIFW
    Report Reply
  • AmCheriAmCheri member
    What a nice and genuine moment. Thanks for sharing!
    Baby girl Lila born 2013.
    Baby boy Henry born 2015.
    Expecting our capstone baby (boy) early March 2018.
    Report Reply
  • jadweddjadwedd member
    nice!  about time someone said something right!
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
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  • emcaemca member
    I love this!  Most people have no idea what to say and then end up saying the wrong thing!!

    After 1 IUI, 3 IVF's with CGH/CCS testing, 10 early miscarriages, and lots of tears and frustration, we are moving on to Domestic Infant Adoption!  We are so excited to see what the future holds.

    Report Reply
  • Bethany1026Bethany1026
    I wish this was everyone's response....this just brought tears to my eyes :o)
    Anniversary
    TTC #1 since 3/10:
    DX: Me-PCOS, retroverted/ tilted ute - DH- MFI, DH-4 mo of Clomid therapy= no improvement. Weekly HCG injections.
    Me-34, DH-33
    HSG- unsuccessful, SHSG (dialated)-no blockages
    7/11-Clomid (unmonitored) BFN,
    #1 Fresh IVF 9/11: w/ ICSI & AH (only option): (1 transfered, 8BF) = BFN!!
    #2 FET: 2 transferred (2 6BF) 12/11 = BFFN!!
    Surprise + HPT on break! 2/12 Beta 1: 6 Beta 2: <5 = c/p ( RE had given me provera... So pretty sure this ruined everything)<BR> #3 Fresh IVF 3/12: w/ ICSI & AH (2 transfered 8BF & 7BF, 1 to freeze) = BFMFN!
    New RE 5/12
    6/14 Hysteroscopy
    #4 Fresh IVF 8/12: 5dt of 2 5AB blasts = BFN!... what else is new?!?
    New RE insists its a transfer issue, immunology checked & good
    #5 IVF FET 1/13 under anesthesia : Two 5 day blasts transferred
    + HPT!! Beta1: 2315 Beta2: 6442 Beta3: 31,061
    First u/s 1/30/13: Shows 1 healthy heartbeat!!

    Was he was right? I wasted 4 IVF's and the doctors were not getting the catheter in?!?
    ~~ Bump Bestie/ IRL Lynn0926 ~~
    BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • SuzanneJesseSuzanneJesse
    Hi all, I'm. Newbie here but have lurked for weeks now.  I'll be posting more in IF, but thought it would be ok to share a story here...i really hope i don't offend anyone.  a dear friend of mine who gave birth to her amazing twins 5 years ago with her first IVF (they dealt with male factor issues) and about a year ago had a failed cycle with the 1 embryo that had made it to freeze - found out that at the ripe old age of 42 she was pregnant naturally.  A total surprise as she thought she was going through menopause.  Well two weekends after she found out a group of us were going to her house for a girls weekend.  She and all my friends knew the struggles I had (have) been having for over 4 years, so she called me to let me know.  The first words out of her mouth..between sobs was..."I'm so sorry!". Through sobs and sobs she just was hoping that I would have been the one calling her and telling her and here she was...I told her of course she shouldn't be sorry or sad for me, but you know what?  I have never been more touched in my life that she had that reaction.  I could feel my pain in her tears and I just knew that she knew. That yep, it hurt like hell.. And she said and did exactly the right thing for me.  And I love her all the more for it.

    Me: now over 40, careerwoman; DH: 34 love of my life
    Blood work, anatomy and his SA = in fine shape say drs
    Our journey so far:
    7/09: BFP m/c 6w s/e/p, 2 rounds methotrexate
    4/10 BFP m/c 6w D&C..it was a boy :(
    6/10-2/11 TTC naturally, BFNs
    3/11: Clomid cycle, BFN
    4/11-9/11 TTC naturally, BFNs
    10/11 IUI #1 BFN
    Have to breathe over next few months.
    Feb 2012: IVF #1, max stims, only 3 retrieved, all fertilized, only 1 transferred on Day 3. BFN.
    RE says move to DE. DE it is.
    DE IVF #1 - 10/29: 12 eggs retrieved, 10 fert. 11/2: Day5 transfer 2 'perfect' blasts. 4 blasts on ice. 11/11: Beta #1 at 9dp5dt = 72.7 11/13: Beta #2 at 11dp5dt: 30.3 c/p :( WTF appt 11/27: RE a little dumbfounded. Checking Thyroid panel again, Hysterogram as well; FET most likely in Jan. '13.have reconsidered a parallel path of adoption.
    PAIF&SAIF always welcome
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