Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: Anxiety About Attempting a VBAC.
I feel the exact same way! My OB told me tha basically everything has to be perfect in order for me to attempt a VBAC. DD was 8lb15oz when she was born and he said that if this baby is that "big" again he won't let me VBAC.
He said he won't induce me and my BP has to stay down. At first I was really mad at what he said. I felt like he is not even giving me a chance. Then I thought, could I really emotionally handle having ANOTHER failed attempt at a vaginal delivery?
I have so many mixed emotions about this subject and I am really torn. The thought of having another c section makes me sad, but the thought at failing again makes me sad. I am also tired of people telling me, "well, you and your daughter are healthy and that is what is most important." My brain agrees with that logic, but my heart does not. I feel like it minimizes my feelings. I feel cheated. Angry. Sad. SO many other emotions.
I was watching the movie "What To Expect When You're Expecting" last night and I started bawling when all the women started giving birth, especially when one of them was told she had to have a c section. I thought I had come to terms with having a c section. I had forgiven my body. I am still BFing my nearly 19 month old and we have had no issues BFing at all. But since I became pg again, all these feelings are coming back and I hate it.
I haven't had a successful VBAC but I wanted to say that I feel the exact same way. I have gone back and forth on emotions/thoughts during this pregnancy. Before getting pregnant/until about 20 weeks I was dead set on a VBAC. Around 24 weeks I started getting nervous about it and thinking about a RCS. Here I am 36 weeks and I have no clue. I don't want to do the RCS but I am scared of attempting the VBAC and failing. I feel so much more stress this time around than I did with DD as I had no idea what to expect. This time I know what to expect.
I am worried that I am not a great VBAC candidate because I pushed for 2 hours and she was stuck in the birth canal. I find out today what position this baby is in and will discuss more with my doctor about my options. I worry that if I attempt a VBAC and it doesn't work that I will feel like I have failed again.
I was nervous the whole time, even in labor. I even sometimes secretly hoped that there would be a reason that I would be required to have a c/s so that I wouldn't have to worry about failing at VBAC.
What really helped me was to think about what would help me have the birth that I wanted whether it was a VBAC or c/s and to also be flexible. I wrote a birth plan for VBAC, which included no pain meds, and I ended up with the epidural. I also wrote a c/s birth plan that included things I wanted but didn't get from my first c/s, like skin to skin with baby, and things I had the first time and knew I didn't want, like sedatives after birth.
I did not have a "goal' of achieving VBAC so I woudlnt set myself up for disappointment. My goal was to be open to trying different things and to have no unanswered questions/what ifs at the end of it all. Luckily I got to VBAC as well but I think it took some pressure off to know that even if I didn't VBAC I was still going to have a better experience.
However, my midwives were willing to induce and also to let me go to 41w6d. That took a lot of stress off too, as I didn't feel like I was up against a deadline (which is part of the reason I think I had a c/s the first time).
I was really anxious at the beginning of my last pregnancy. I live in a small town and there is just one doctor who has to be available when you VBAC. I found out that I wouldn't meet with him until I was 30 weeks. He had to first approve the VBAC and then also be available around my due date. It was hard to go most of my pregnancy not even knowing if I would have a chance. They also would not induce a VBAC, but they would let me go until almost 42 weeks.
After stressing about it for a few weeks I realized that there was absolutely nothing I could do. I didn't want to ruin my pregnancy by stressing about it. I decided to plan on a VBAC, but be open to a c/s if things didn't work out. In the end I had the VBAC I hoped for.
I never got my hopes up. Obviously we're coming at this with different goals/expectations, but I wanted a vbac mostly because I felt that it was safest for me and my baby. If something was to change- a medical condition that meant c-section was safest- I would have been fine with another c-section. I never regretted my first c-section, even though I had planned a natural birth. I felt a c-section was needed and thus was the best option for us at the time, and was open to the possibility that might happen again. So there were no "hopes" for me. I was only against c-section as a matter of routine, the "once a c-section, always a c-section" mindset.
I stayed calm, I guess, by having supportive care providers (in my case, a midwife). There was never much talk about what if a vbac couldn't happen; we both knew a c-section was a possibility and I was prepared for that if it was the best decision, but it wasn't something we dwelled on. We took it as it came, planning for the best as I was low-risk, but accepting of the fact that something might change and a rcs might become the safest option. The midwifery practice didn't put down rules like "you must go into labour before your due-date" or any other artificial guidelines that would limit my chances.
I think having a supportive care provider is the most important part- and reading the above posts, it doesn't sound like there are that many truly supportive providers out there. Posts about "he won't let me have a vbac if x,y,z isn't met" make me really sad. I wish that there were more providers out there who encouraged their clients' chances of success instead of pressuring them to meet stringent and often arbitrary criteria, without which they'll be bullied into another c-section. It seems like much of the anxiety, judging from the above responses, is based on whether or not they'll be "allowed" to have a vbac, which isn't a factor with supportive care providers.
I did have a goal of VBAC, and I didn't know what I was going to do if I ended up with a RCS. I guess I figured I'd deal with it if it happened? Though I was more open to interventions during my labor (I planned med-free for both my births), and had decided beforehand that I'd get an epidural if it seemed like my labor or pushing was prolonged.
It helped me to list the things I could control, and the things I couldn't. I could stay active, labor upright, go to a supportive MW. I couldn't control how quick my labor was, or when it started, etc.
I agree that having a supportive provider really helped quell a lot of my fears, too. Whenever I asked about laboring (I pushed 4+ hours with my first before my c/s), my MW was always very confident that I was going to have a VBAC. She never had requirements for me, either, just because I was a VBAC.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
I have a lot of anxiety about the unknown. After my c-section, I immediately assumed I would have a RCS with my second child. Mostly out of fear of the unknown - I never fully dilated with my DD so I didnt experience very much of labor. Once I educated myself, I began to consider VBAC. Especially since I want a third child and children will be pretty close together due to my age. But like a PP said, I was always willing to have a RCS if my doctor told me it was necessary. I wanted to try to VBAC but I was content to RCS if that was what happened. In my experience, you can't control what happens once labor starts. The first time I got a csection after dilating only 3 cms in 12 hours and my DD's heart rate started looking worrisome. The second time, I dilated beautifully and then my contractions died once it was time to push. The Dr covering my practice (who I had never met before) gave me pit but it didn't help. After 4 hours of pushing, DS was vacuumed. Not what I wanted but better than a RCS. I also had gestational hypertension and was very close to having a RCS Because of that but I went into labor before 39 weeks and got my VBAC. I am honestly so proud of myself because it was scary for me to labor and I did it. I never complained, I would have kept pushing if they let me. Anyway, I am rambling. Just keep an open mind and be ready to roll with what happens. Good luck!
DD born May 25, 2009. DS born June 16, 2011. BFP #3. 10/31/12 EDD July 8, 2013
I couldn't have written it better myself. I too watched "what to expect when expecting" the other night and a whirlwind of emotions came back to me that I thought I had forgotten about from that day. First- the joy and nervousness of knowing the baby will be delivered today, to the feeling of going through contractions, to the fact that some people have it easier and tougher than others. i.e the scene where she sneezed and they popped out- just like that. and finally to the scene where one needed to have a CS followed by the "She lost too much blood" scene My heart just SANK and stopped right there. I had to hold my tears back. I though, OMG...if she dies... no more kids for me. LOL. sad but true. My day was such a mix of crazy wild emotions I want to forget about. my poor husband.
I too have troubles speaking to some people who give the same response as you mentioned " well, you and your daughter are healthy and that is what is most important." clearly they haven't gone through it so they have no idea. It is one thing if you elect for a CS, it's a complete other thing when you have no choice.
Some days it makes me sad... and nervous for my next pregnancy. I have no idea what to think. I too don't want to have hypertention again. so who knows.