Spanking

mldain · September 2012

Are you or are you not going to spank your child? And why?

I believe a "love tap" as another bumpie put it is ok. But to hit your child with a spoon or belt like what happened when I was a kid is not ok.

XCrissCrossX · September 2012

At this time, I don't plan to spank my child. I may or may not change my mind down the line (I doubt it). However, NO ONE else will be permitted to spank my child (except my DH, of course).

I agree with spanking sending a mixed message.

Furthermore, I don't believe that causing physical harm is helpful in teaching a child why a behavior is wrong. Nor do I think humiliating the child, which seems to be the goal when spanking occurs in public, will teach them proper behavior.

As for "lovetaps", I don't understand the point. If it doesn't hurt, it isn't going to phase the kid- in most cases, I doubt they even notice. So the only person getting anything out of it is the parent... so does it make someone feel better to whack at their child?

EDWHIP · September 2012

It's seems a bit archaic to me. But I, too, was spanked as a kid. Not the route I will choose to go, though.

MrsWindyCity · September 2012

mainerocks:
I will not spank. #1 reason is the mixed message it sends. I don't want my child to hit, and therefore I will not hit my child, no matter how light or "love tap".

x2

rlmanning · September 2012

I dont believe the "time out" way of disciplining works very well. We are now dealing with the Time Out generation and some of these kids have no respect for adults or authority and do not understand that No means No. It really is sad....

With that said, I was spanked as a child and I feel that I was very well behaved and well manored. I understood if my mom said no or stop that I better do what she says or I will get into trouble. I had respect for adults and I also had a healthy fear of my mom. I didnt look at her as my best friend, she was my mom. Now I dont think you just spank your child because he/she is crying or just doing something that really is no big deal. But if my child does something that deserves a spanking then, yes she will get a spanking. But it has to be justifiable, I wont just use spanking as my everyday discipine.

rlmanning · September 2012

Just to clarify

Spanking = a light spank on the bottom

I dont beleive in slapping accross the face or swatting period.

rlyttle · September 2012

I will/have spank my child, but my spank is probably what you call a love tap. It is rift on the bottom & gets his attention more then it actually hurts. I would never use a belt or anything.

etude de la vie · September 2012

Time outs don't work with DD. she loves the solitude and often puts herself in time outs when upset.

I either put her things in a time out (which prompts her to run into her room and lay in her bed alone) or if it is bad a slap on the hand...when she pulled out the plug cover..... Or spank in the butt....when she ran out to the street as I was pulling DS out of the car.

I have hardly had to spank and the few times she has had a slap on the hand or butt she has never tested that boundary again. My friends that only do time outs will put the kid in time out 50 times for the same offense.....obviously it wasn't working on getting the message across.

PunkyBooster · September 2012

No spanking. I think there are much more effective forms of punishment.

jani7 · September 2012

mainerocks:
I will not spank. #1 reason is the mixed message it sends. I don't want my child to hit, and therefore I will not hit my child, no matter how light or "love tap".

This. Not only do I not want my child to hit, I don't want my son to grow up and hit. We will not spank.

dairygirl19 · September 2012

rlyttle:
I will/have spank my child, but my spank is probably what you call a love tap. It is rift on the bottom & gets his attention more then it actually hurts. I would never use a belt or anything.

This. Sometimes in a scary situation it's more about grabbing their attention than it is a punishment. I've literally met kids where it's all that works.

I don't plan on using spanking as my main form of punishment but if it's warranted I will do it. But it will be a then and there light tap sort of thing. I hate the whole, "Wait until your father gets home. He'll spank you and then we'll talk about it." I'm more of a done over let's move on, not reride the same horse 4 hours later sort of person.

And I also can't judge parents that hit their kids for hitting. In some cases, it's all that works again. There are some kids that will just keep doing it until they realize it hurts. Now of course common sense needs to apply and all that jazz. It's not free reign to beat your kids.

cyprissa · September 2012

I will not spank. It doesn't set a good example and research does not support its effectiveness.

Now, I will admit that I smacked my sons hand when he climbed the stove and reached for something hot. It was a split second impulse and I felt bad, especially since it did NO good. He tried to get right back up there. Sequestering him in his room even for just a couple of minutes was much more effective.

jllmb79 · September 2012

mainerocks:
I will not spank. #1 reason is the mixed message it sends. I don't want my child to hit, and therefore I will not hit my child, no matter how light or "love tap".

same here

jllmb79 · September 2012

mainerocks:
I will not spank. #1 reason is the mixed message it sends. I don't want my child to hit, and therefore I will not hit my child, no matter how light or "love tap".

same here

Duffgurl · September 2012

mainerocks:

I will not spank. #1 reason is the mixed message it sends. I don't want my child to hit, and therefore I will not hit my child, no matter how light or "love tap".

I agree Yes

NotSharknado · September 2012

I'm on the mobile site so I can't see siggies. To the posters who have already spanked, how old are your kids? For the spankers, at what age do you start using that form of discipline?

NotSharknado · September 2012

I don't think children should be afraid of their parents. A "healthy fear" makes no sense to me.

carlab44 · September 2012

We do not and will not spank. While I agree that many kids now don't respect adults, there is a lot more to that than simply whether or not they were spanked. Spanking does not guarantee your kids will be respectful, and choosing not to spank does not mean your kids will be disrepesctful. Teaching respect is a much more involved process that is as much (and likely more) about leading by example as it is about discipline. Stating that the problem with disrepectful kids is a result of them not being spanked WAY over simplifies it.

Kitiara5512 · September 2012

NotSharknado · September 2012

Kitiara5512:

I like.

autumnmichele · September 2012

I will not spank my child. I teach her not to hit so why would I hit hurt. DH disagrees with me. He was spanked as a child and thinks it is ok (but has never done it to DD and will not as long as I can help it). It is really a conversation that he and I need to revisit.

[Deleted User] · September 2012

[Deleted User] · September 2012

[Deleted User] · September 2012

swimiz500 · September 2012

CTGirl30:
Never.

In fact, I think parents who use spanking as a "discipline" technique are either too lazy or ignorant (or both) to educate themselves on the myriad of other possible methods of handling behavior that don't involve hitting your child.

You can't hit your spouse (domestic abuse) and you can't hit your pet (animal abuse). So why is hitting a child any different? And what is that BS about "love taps"? Whatever silly lilttle name you want to give it to cutesy it up, you're still demonstrating to a small child that you have physical power over them and will use it to your advantange to "teach them a lesson." All it teaches is that it's okay to hit others. When, really, it's not.

Absolutely agree with all of this.

JaysonandKristin · September 2012

CTGirl30:
You can't hit your spouse (domestic abuse) and you can't hit your pet (animal abuse). So why is hitting a child any different?

You also can't lock your spouse in a room (imprisonment), nor can you put their car keys on time out so they can't go anywhere. Why is it OK to limit your kid to their room, or put their toys on time out?

This comparison is lame.

While I'm all for the "myriad" of other forms of discipline, I'm never going to tell anyone that spanking their child is abusive, nor effective.

JaysonandKristin · September 2012

Loppy19:
gwinnygirl:
CTGirl30:
Never.

In fact, I think parents who use spanking as a "discipline" technique are either too lazy or ignorant (or both) to educate themselves on the myriad of other possible methods of handling behavior that don't involve hitting your child.

You can't hit your spouse (domestic abuse) and you can't hit your pet (animal abuse). So why is hitting a child any different? And what is that BS about "love taps"? Whatever silly little name you want to give it to cutesy it up, you're still demonstrating to a small child that you have physical power over them and will use it to your advantage to "teach them a lesson." All it teaches is that it's okay to hit others. When, really, it's not.
F'uck yes to all of this. Well said CT.
This, exactly.
Also, time out works extremely well in our house. I think consistency is key. Also, not using it just because your kid is irritating you and you are the one who really needs a time out. I've seen that a lot with friends over the years.

I disagree that consistency is key when it comes to discipline. Natural consequences are the EXACT opposite of consistency, but they work wonders in our house. A punishment for a poor decision does not need to be the same today as it was yesterday.

TiffanyBerry · September 2012

CTGirl30:
Never.

In fact, I think parents who use spanking as a "discipline" technique are either too lazy or ignorant (or both) to educate themselves on the myriad of other possible methods of handling behavior that don't involve hitting your child.

You can't hit your spouse (domestic abuse) and you can't hit your pet (animal abuse). So why is hitting a child any different? And what is that BS about "love taps"? Whatever silly lilttle name you want to give it to cutesy it up, you're still demonstrating to a small child that you have physical power over them and will use it to your advantange to "teach them a lesson." All it teaches is that it's okay to hit others. When, really, it's not.

Yeah. This.

Time outs don't work in our house either. That doesn't mean I've got nothing left to do. It takes a little more time and thought to do something other than hit or lock up, and sometimes figuring out what is going to work is HARD, but that's my job. No one said it would be easy.

ThatWasAHoot · September 2012

We don't plan on it, specifically. But I will not let him become a little $hit like a lot of the kids I've been around lately. I have noticed that kids have turned into terrible little things and the parents just allow it. My neighborhood is full of them! 8 year olds telling their parents "No" and the parents just listening. Are you the adult or not? We will not allow this.

I also can NOT STAND when parents say no and then allow something directly after! Ie:

Child: Can I get this videogame that is blatantly for adults?

Parent: Absolutely not

Child bugs parent a bunch and parent finally says okay.

Not gonna happen!

JaysonandKristin · September 2012

gwinnygirl:
JaysonandKristin:
Loppy19:
gwinnygirl:
CTGirl30:
Never.

In fact, I think parents who use spanking as a "discipline" technique are either too lazy or ignorant (or both) to educate themselves on the myriad of other possible methods of handling behavior that don't involve hitting your child.

You can't hit your spouse (domestic abuse) and you can't hit your pet (animal abuse). So why is hitting a child any different? And what is that BS about "love taps"? Whatever silly little name you want to give it to cutesy it up, you're still demonstrating to a small child that you have physical power over them and will use it to your advantage to "teach them a lesson." All it teaches is that it's okay to hit others. When, really, it's not.
F'uck yes to all of this. Well said CT.
This, exactly.
Also, time out works extremely well in our house. I think consistency is key. Also, not using it just because your kid is irritating you and you are the one who really needs a time out. I've seen that a lot with friends over the years.
I disagree that consistency is key when it comes to discipline. Natural consequences are the EXACT opposite of consistency, but they work wonders in our house. A punishment for a poor decision does not need to be the same today as it was yesterday.
Yeah, um no, especially if you're referring to punishment in the physical sense.

Natural consequence:

DS is climbing on something. I redirect, he objects and climbs again. This time he climbs up and falls off the object scaring the crap out of him. Natural consequence.

DS is throwing toys. I ask him to not throw his toys and show him how to play with it in a more appropriate manner. He throws the toy and it ends up somewhere he can't reach it. He no longer gets to play with the toy. Natural consequence.

Hypothetical scenarios, but they illustrate the concept.

Not consistent, however, lessons are learned.

Ceci131 · September 2012

I'm a child psychology/professor of clinical child psych. We just covered spanking/punishment in our class. Here some recent statistics(I know some people will never believe/put any faith in research). I have the original citations if anyone is interested. In addition, the estimate of prison inmates who report being spanked has been cited to be 75%.

Eighty percent of prisoners in the United States were abused as children or raised in violent homes.¹

The more children are spanked, the more anger they report as adults, the more likely they are to spank their own children, the more likely they are to approve of hitting a spouse, and the more marital conflict they experience as adults.²

Spanking has been associated with higher rates of physical aggression, more substance abuse, and increased risk of crime and violence when used with older children and adolescents.³

Children who are spanked frequently at age 3 are more likely to be aggressive when they?re 5, even when you account for possible confounding factors. Signs of aggression included behaviors such as arguing or screaming; cruelty, bullying or meanness to others; destroying things; fighting and frequently threatening others. Even minor forms of corporal punishment increase the risk for child aggressive behavior.⁴

Actions causing pain such as spanking can acquire a positive value rather than the intended adversive value. Children who expect pain may actually seek it through escalating misbehaviors.⁵

Spanking is no more effective as a long-term strategy than other approaches, and reliance on spanking as a discipline approach makes other discipline strategies less effective to use.⁶

dehsignz · September 2012

No spanking, hitting, slapping, love tapping of any kinda. I just don't get it. They are smart tiny humans, speak to them and teach them the rules. I just don't see how hitting a baby is going to help with anything.

meg1974 · September 2012

I'm not. I not comfortable with it, and I've also read studies that say it doesn't work.

Kitiara5512 · September 2012

JaysonandKristin:
Loppy19:
gwinnygirl:
CTGirl30:

Never.

In fact, I think parents who use spanking as a "discipline" technique are either too lazy or ignorant (or both) to educate themselves on the myriad of other possible methods of handling behavior that don't involve hitting your child.

You can't hit your spouse (domestic abuse) and you can't hit your pet (animal abuse). So why is hitting a child any different? And what is that BS about "love taps"? Whatever silly little name you want to give it to cutesy it up, you're still demonstrating to a small child that you have physical power over them and will use it to your advantage to "teach them a lesson." All it teaches is that it's okay to hit others. When, really, it's not.

F'uck yes to all of this. Well said CT.

This, exactly.

Also, time out works extremely well in our house. I think consistency is key. Also, not using it just because your kid is irritating you and you are the one who really needs a time out. I've seen that a lot with friends over the years.

I disagree that consistency is key when it comes to discipline. Natural consequences are the EXACT opposite of consistency, but they work wonders in our house. A punishment for a poor decision does not need to be the same today as it was yesterday.

Well, bless your heart.

EmilyStL · September 2012

I won't spank. My DD is a pretty easy kid and responds fairly well to redirection type discipline, so I'm going to stick with that as much as I can. I think that other forms of discipline may require more thought or patience, but they are worth it. That said, this is not really a hot button issue for me. Spanking isn't my style, but I don't think it's tantamount to child abuse and I would a gazillion times rather someone spank their kid (as in a single swat on the hand or bottom, using only a hand) than not set boundaries.

juliane2004 · September 2012

jani7:
mainerocks:
I will not spank. #1 reason is the mixed message it sends. I don't want my child to hit, and therefore I will not hit my child, no matter how light or "love tap".

This. Not only do I not want my child to hit, I don't want my son to grow up and hit. We will not spank.

Both of these.

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