Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: Need advice on VBAC
First- are you considering a VBAC? If so, you need to work through the fears that it might not happen. Every birth is different. If they were all the same, none of us would have VBACed, you know? My second pregnancy didn't look anything like the first and my birth was completely different.
I can definitely understand your fears. Physically, the VBAC is generally safer for you and baby, which is why your doctor might be pushing for it. Mentally, it clearly is a problem for you. Your emotional well being is just as important as physical.
Is it possible to talk to someone else in the practice who might listen more? Even schedule a different appointment specifically to discuss this? Maybe they can calm your fears and you decide to go for the VBAC. Or maybe you decide together that it is just too much of a roadblock for you and you'd prefer the RCS.
Either way, definitely do some reading on both. There are definite risks to either. The C/S gets increasingly risky the more you have, so if you are thinking more kids, you might want to consider a VBAC. If you were only planning two and really don't want to try for it, let your doctor know you'd prefer surgery.
FWIW, since your first c/s was because of poor positioning, you have a great VBAC chance. But that doesn't mean you need to go that route.
Thank you! I wasn't considering a VBAC at all, until the hard sell. If this baby is a boy, then we are done having babies, and if it isn't a boy we are probably still done, lol. So maybe, possibly one more baby, maybe, lol. That was part of the docs reasoning. I am actually considering changing practices and hospitals, but the hospital/docs I am considering are an hour away which sucks when my current doc/hospital are 13 minutes. I'm going to do some serious research, any links you think are good would be very appreciated.
This is great advice! Thank you! I don't think my OB will listen (he is the only one in the practice) , but I am thinking about attending ICAN meetings.
My first birth was very similar to yours - I pushed for 4+ hours, and he didn't really descend (he was OP/bad position), and I had an unplanned c/s. I was really messed up about it for a good year after he was born, and definitely had moments of "I will have a RCS the next time, what's the point of trying for a vaginal birth again."
By the time I got pregnant, I knew I wanted to try a VBAC, but I had some serious doubts off and on my whole pregnancy. I talked to my MW, doula and husband about it a lot, and worried a ton about even trying. In the end, I know I had to at least attempt a VBAC, and I had a few "ground rules" for myself - I was okay with getting an epidural if labor dragged out, things like that. It helped me to go through the things I had control over - how much I worked out, stayed active, etc., and to remember the things I didn't have control over - when I went into labor, how the baby was positioned, etc.
All that being said, if having a RCS is better for your mental and emotional health, do *not* feel bad choosing it. Everyone is different.
ETA: Like MAprincess said, having a third kid is safer if it's a VBAC vs. a RCS. That was also one of my reasons for planning a VBAC. Your doctor sounds like a good one, in all honesty!
Here are some good links about VBAC:
https://givingbirthwithconfidence.org/2-2/a-womans-guide-to-vbac/
https://www.childbirthconnection.org/article.asp?ck=10213&ClickedLink=293&area=27
https://vbacfacts.com/quick-facts/
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
I am in the same boat as you, going back and forth on my VBAC decision. My docs have been a little difficult too because while they are supportive of either decision, I get a lot of different answers on what will and will to be allowed with each type of birth.
I also had an OP baby who only weighed 6lbs 9oz and just wouldnt budge. My csection experience was also really great but there is just a part of me that wants to try a vaginal birth again. Some great advice one doc gave me is to visualize how you imagine or want your birth to turn out and let that guide your decision. Consider both but ultimately do what you're comfortable with. Neither decision is going to be a good experience for you if you're not committed to it. Good luck with whichever one you choose!
Nosoup's links are great. Be careful of googling it because you get some crazy things.
Your doctors might have some good reading material also.