Isn't this odd???

smiling76 · September 2012

So this is weird. My husband's sister lives out of state---and it's about a 9 hour flight to get where we are for her. She's pregnant and apparently the family is flying her in for a shower--of which I knew nothing about until I got an invite. The shower is like the day she turns 20 weeks.

When I asked my husband about that--he just said it was something to do with not being able to travel later in the pregnancy although he too wasn't aware they were even having a shower--but usually the end of travel is around 7-8 months, right? She's not high risk.

I know so many people who have lost babies right around that timeframe--so I know I'm a bit cynical. But wow. I was about to order her gift and just feel weird doing so.

So is this odd or is it just me??? I'm not her biggest fan, so I know I'm a bit cynical in that department too. BUT....she doesn't even look pregnant--it'd be nice for people to see her nice big belly later on. We know that once the baby arrives she'll never come and visit. As it is right now, she doesn't come in unless someone pays for her.

MrsWindyCity · September 2012

I don't necessarily think it's odd for an out of state shower. Of course, I think it's weird to even have a shower that far because how will the gifts get back? But I digress. (ETA I don't think out of state showers are weird, but traveling 9 hours by plan seems reeeeally far).

Even though you can travel into your 8th month, the thought of being on a plane for 9 hours in one of those tiny ass seats with a giant ass belly does not sound particularly appealing to me. So, I don't necessarily blame her for having it a little early.

ETA: And I'm not sure where you live but a few months from now the weather here will get awful, which may impede travel plans, too.

meg1974 · September 2012

If it were me, I would much prefer doing a shower earlier rather than later. I would have been miserable on a plane any time during my 3rd tri.

Telly21182 · September 2012

I agree that being on a plane that long, at 7-8 months would be miserable. It is fun to see the mom-to-be in all her belly glory, but sometimes you have to consider her comfort too!

gatchison · September 2012

I don't think it's odd because of the travel time. I wouldnt want to travel nine hours in my 3rd tri. When I was pregnant with DS we went on a babymoon at 28.5 weeks, which consisted of a 2 hour flight and 1 hour car ride in a rental car. I was miserable and swollen immensely by the end of it ( of course it was almost summer in the south). At my appt 2 days after returning I got put on strict bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy. I definitely wouldn't travel that late again, especially not that far. I know some people do, but for me it's just not worth it.

kcisthebombdotcom · September 2012

Well, I probably wouldn't want to travel in my last 2 months of pregnancy, that's for sure. 20 weeks is crazy early though. I think closer to 28 weeks would have been plenty early enough that she'd still be fairly comfortable and able to travel. I'm with you--I vote 20 weeks weird too.

dairygirl19 · September 2012

Meh.

I don't see the big deal all they way around.

20 weeks is prime time to fly. She still feels good, looks good is comfortable. She can enjoy her flight (well as best as one can) won't be entirely exhausted when she gets off the plane and will have the energy for fun stuff while she's visiting.

Also I completely know what you mean about being cynical..however you can lose a baby anytime. I did at 39 weeks the first time. I know lots of others who have lost babies later too. The date doesn't really mean much and if loss was a factor no one would ever have a shower, kwim?

So weird because of her personality....I understand. But weird looking from the outside in...not at all.

HoolahZinger · September 2012

I had an out of state shower with DD. I had to move away for my husband's job but my family still wanted to throw me one. Just because I lived in a different state didn't mean I didn't deserve a shower...no one actually DESERVES a shower but it is a gift. I wasn't able to fly at all once in my third trimester. I wasn't high risk but my doctor was concerned about me flying over an ocean with no chance of emergency landing if, say, there was a freak emergency on the plane. I think 20 weeks is a tad early but I still get it. This is when you still have the energy and mobile capacity to travel.

She also may not show still for a while out. Some people just don't show their bump. So I don't really think that should be a requirement for deserving a shower gift. As pp said, you can lose a baby anytime during a pregnancy...or even after. My friend lost her child at 8 weeks due to sids. You just never know at any time so having a specific time gauge that is deserving of a gift doesn't really work.

BabyBoyNYC · September 2012

I had an out of state shower, all my friends and family are back in Fl. I flew home at 25 weeks pregnant and everyone gave me checks or gift cards. I don't think its weird it sounds like the family just being a family and trying to do something for her that anyone elses family would do? idk what i'm missing here is she annoying or something? black sheep?

RayRay007 · September 2012

I think it's odd to have a shower so early and you can fly up to 36 wks, usually. However, it probably wouldn't be very comfortable to travel that far along.

AimeeL85 · September 2012

I don't think it's odd. She's probably more comfortable traveling earlier in the pregnancy than later on which is understandable. I don't think her chance of losing the baby is much higher now than in her third trimester and as far seeing a big belly....oh well?

daisygirl2010 · September 2012

I honestly don't understand why you even care?

I understand you don't really like her (which is totally your right) but having an early shower for whatever reason seems fine by me. It's not like she's 8 weeks pregnant or something like that.

memali26 · September 2012

I flew back to my home state for a shower at just past 24 weeks with DD1. It was the only time I had the opportunity to fly back before being to far along to travel. Everyone was aware of the reason for it being so early, and if they thought it was odd or too early, oh well.

AmandaP678 · September 2012

meg1974:
If it were me, I would much prefer doing a shower earlier rather than later. I would have been miserable on a plane any time during my 3rd tri.

This exactly.

MrsNole · September 2012

I don't find it odd. Maybe that date was the only one where the people she really cares about can come, like her mom/grandma, etc.

NewFamily09 · September 2012

I think it's weird, mostly because of all the money that's wasted on her expensive plane ticket kind of defeats the purpose of buying her gifts. She might as well take the money that people are spending on her plane ticket, stay home, and go on her own shopping spree at BRU. There's no way I'd fly on a plane for 9 hrs just for a baby shower. What is it with some people thinking you can't have a baby without a baby shower. Flying 9 hours for a baby shower just seems kind of dumb. The part about her being 20 weeks doesn't bother me so much. If you have to travel at all for a baby shower, it's probably a good idea to have it early.

smiling76 · September 2012

KC_13:
Well, I probably wouldn't want to travel in my last 2 months of pregnancy, that's for sure. 20 weeks is crazy early though. I think closer to 28 weeks would have been plenty early enough that she'd still be fairly comfortable and able to travel. I'm with you--I vote 20 weeks weird too.

Yeah, that's more what I was thinking--27-28 wks or so---so it would be near Thanksgiving and would be great to have her in town AND do a shower. At least closer to the "safe" zone. She will not even have had her 20 wks ultrasound by the shower time. I think THAT is what makes me somewhat nervous. I've just been around so much bad stuff when it comes to that (two BFFs have lost their babies after that point). I know I should just be happy for her--and I am thrilled for her and her hubs--but just nervous about the timing for her I guess. I hope no one thinks I'm too petty.

smiling76 · September 2012

BabyBoyNYC:
I had an out of state shower, all my friends and family are back in Fl. I flew home at 25 weeks pregnant and everyone gave me checks or gift cards. I don't think its weird it sounds like the family just being a family and trying to do something for her that anyone elses family would do? idk what i'm missing here is she annoying or something? black sheep?

LOL----yes, all the above. She basically left the family and has been living in various states for years now. She never comes to visit or even really checks up on anyone. My sons are her only nephews and she has maybe seen them once. Even when she IS in town she spends about 90% of her time with friends and maybe 10% with family (the people who paid for her way here). She just is very hurtful to so many and kind of selfish when it comes to certain things--and I guess that left a bitter taste to me. But you guys are right. I should be more understanding of the travel time.

amatistajoy · September 2012

I guess if family wants to throw her a shower and pay for her flight, then it makes them happy to do that. I don't think it is too odd. I know how you feel being nervous with others experiencing late miscarriages or stillbirths. And, I know how you feel with the whole situation surrounding her time with family too... but I guess if someone is happy to do it for her, then I guess that is great.

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