Bedsharing with Baby But Not DH?

alliecat1234 · September 2012

Just wondering how many people bedshare with their children but not their spouses? I have been bedhsaring with my baby but my husband sleeps in the guest room so he can get more sleep. I am torn with continuing bedsharing with my baby because I feel like I should be sleeping in the same bed as my husband. Not that it would make a huge difference - I go to bed earlier than he does, but something about it just feels strange. Any thoughts?

tokenhoser · September 2012

My DH snores, and it's gotten worse in the last year or so. I haven't voluntarily slept a whole night with him in a looong time.

I coslept with DS for the first 6 months or so, and now we just all sleep in different rooms.

I would rather get sleep than anything. Our marriage is great. We do make a point of lying down together and talking for a few minutes when I go to bed - we get the conversation and contact. Then DH gets up for another few hours and goes to bed in another room.

pammi2003 · September 2012

tokenhoser:
My DH snores, and it's gotten worse in the last year or so. I haven't voluntarily slept a whole night with him in a looong time.
I coslept with DS for the first 6 months or so, and now we just all sleep in different rooms.
I would rather get sleep than anything. Our marriage is great. We do make a point of lying down together and talking for a few minutes when I go to bed - we get the conversation and contact. Then DH gets up for another few hours and goes to bed in another room.

This!

I co sleep with both our kids and he sleeps in our daughter's room so he can get some sleep.

fredpuma · September 2012

DH slept on the couch for the first two months or so, then eventually moved back into the bed with us.

ncbelle · September 2012

DH works nights and is a night owl anyway while I'm a morning person. Even before we had kids he preferred to sleep in the guest room because it's darker and quieter there during the day. Even when we did sleep in the same bed, we never went to bed at the same time and on nights he works we only overlap sleep maybe an hour or two.

So....I don't think it matters. If everyone in your house gets good sleep and is happy with the arrangement, who cares??

boogerbearoriginal · September 2012

Technically we all sleep together, but since H works afternoons, he doesn't come to bed until around 1-2a and me/lo get up between 6-7a. So it's not the whole night, and we never go to bed at the same time.

Ditto PP - do what makes everyone happy and well rested.

zmoss · September 2012

If you feel strange about it, obviously something about it is bothering you.

You can love your baby and AP. Still, what about the commitment and needs/ familiarity of the sleep arrangement established between you and your partner?

How does HE feel about it?

MrsOjoButtons · September 2012

We sidecarred a crib to our bed to avoid this, but decided a few days ago to experiment having H sleep in the guest room. So far so good. We'll reevaluate as we go.

lcherian · September 2012

Yes, my dh did not sleep in the bed during the infant stage with any of my children and we plan to do the same with this one.

sugarbear0524 · September 2012

zmoss:

If you feel strange about it, obviously something about it is bothering you.

You can love your baby and AP. Still, what about the commitment and needs/ familiarity of the sleep arrangement established between you and your partner?

How does HE feel about it?

I agree. My DH would have be really hurt if I had told him he couldn't sleep in the same bed as me so that the baby could.

Maybe sleeping in separate rooms works for you. If so, great. Just remember to ask your DH. Don't assume. Take his preferences into consideration and decide together.

PayolaCrayola · September 2012

DD I sleep in her room on an air mattress at least 4x a week...I don't think it makes much difference because DH usually goes to sleep around 1am while we're in bed by 8...then I'm up for work at 345 I put DD in bed with him...I think we all sleep much better. He's a big guy all 3 of us in bed was hurting his back cuz he couldn't stretch out.

I think the part youre struggling with is the idea that you "should" sleep in the same bed as your DH...we had the same issue but honestly if we can all get rest that's what matters most.

alliecat1234 · September 2012

PayolaCrayola:
I think the part youre struggling with is the idea that you "should" sleep in the same bed as your DH...we had the same issue but honestly if we can all get rest that's what matters most.

I think this hits the nail on the head. My husband is fine with sleeping in the guest room (and actually prefers it because he gets better sleep that way). I guess I am the one with the hang up because I feel like we "should" all be in the same bed. But really I agree that it makes sense for him to sleep in the other room because I breastfeed so there's no reason for both of us to wake up at night. It makes me feel better to see that I am not alone.

LadyDelilah · September 2012

DH has a completely different schedule than we do so he sleeps in the other bedroom and I sleep with DD in the master

maggielw · September 2012

SO and I actually have 2 queen mattresses next to each other on the floor. So its like one gigantic bed. DD and I sleep on one, and he sleeps on the other. That way we are all together, but we all have more room too....especially since he is a diagonal sleeper. It works for us, and we all get to sleep better.

Meg&Jesse · September 2012

ncbelle:

So....I don't think it matters. If everyone in your house gets good sleep and is happy with the arrangement, who cares??

I agree; however I think our society "reinforces" that a husband and wife must share the bed.

We coslept with DS1 for a year and off and on after that, it was all 3 of us in bed. Since DS2 was born DH has been sleeping with DS1 in his bed. Prior to DS2 being born DS1 would sleep with us one night a week and some other nights come into our bed, so it is just easier for DH to be with DS1 now. And, DS2 is up every 2 hours now to eat, so at least everyone is getting some rest for now. I think you need to do what works for your family and what works for everyone to get some sleep (even if it is "different" from what other people do)!

Rdautenhahn · September 2012

ncbelle:
DH works nights and is a night owl anyway while I'm a morning person. Even before we had kids he preferred to sleep in the guest room because it's darker and quieter there during the day. Even when we did sleep in the same bed, we never went to bed at the same time and on nights he works we only overlap sleep maybe an hour or two.
So....I don't think it matters. If everyone in your house gets good sleep and is happy with the arrangement, who cares??

Same in our home! By the time my husband gets home we have been asleep for hours, then when my LO finally wakes up, I'm guessing my husband has only been sleeping for 2 or 3 hours. On his off nights we all go to bed together but he usually can't sleep that early so he gets up anyways. If it works for your family that is what is most important!

pepomntpat · September 2012

I have started doing this sometimes. DD goes to sleep on her own at night and DH and I start in the same bed, but when/if she wakes in the MOTN I usually finish the night with her. It's just more restful that way.

I wonder if some kind of part time thing would work for you? Or maybe you just want to hear that you aren't weird. You aren't. You do what you need to do so that everyone gets to sleep. As long as you feel like your marriage is going well then keep getting rest.

JenninMA · September 2012

I've coslept with both of our kids, DH hasn't. I'm still cosleeping with our 3 yo, although I'm hoping to get him sleeping on his own soon. I think as long as everyone is getting the sleep they need it doesn't really matter where they sleep. Honestly, given his snoring and tossing and turning, I think I get a better nights sleep next to my son.

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