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Baby Names
NewlyWeds13
member
how to force self to not care about what others think...
NewlyWeds13
member
in Baby Names
I am over a week past due. DH and I have had the hardest time selecting a girl name (easy with my son).
We think we have 2 names narrowed down (will decide when meet her) but both of us are worried as we know our family and friends will likely not like either name very much and we are feeling pressure to name something classic and boring and non-offensive... such as Katherine or Rachel. We like both of those names and agree that we won't regret them, but they just don't feel as right as some other more controversial (in our circle) names... Quinn, Sydney and maybe Emilia.
I always hear on here how people are like, I don't care what others say or not that it matters what others think. If you do care about what others think-- how do you just stop caring about it, so we don't end up settling on somehting we don't like much to make it so others don't talk about us behind our back.
I hate naming kids... I think it is an emotionally charged, difficult thing that causes a large amount of stress. Urgh
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Re: how to force self to not care about what others think...
Natural M/C at 7 weeks 9.17.08 Natural M/C at 7 weeks 2.1.13
I agree that it's a humbling experience!
At the end of the day, there will always be someone who doesn't like the name you chose, no matter how original (or on the flip side, traditional). You can't go through life trying to please everybody. You'll never be able to do it!
Choose a name that both you and your DH love, and don't look back. You'll be happy you chose a name that was special to both of you. End of story!
I could have written this myself. In theory I don't care what others think, but when you know you are liking names that family members won't like, it's difficult. I hate the thought that my mom might not like the name I pick. (Our top name right now is Emmett and I KNOW my mom and sister will hate it.) I think it is natural to want others to feel that you have named your child, a good strong name. I think this is one of the main reasons it's taking me so long to pick a name.
Having said all of that, I just keep reminding myself that it is our child and our decision and I know my family and friends will learn to love his name eventually, even if they don't at first. I want DH and I to be happy with the name and if everyone else thinks it's great, well then that's just an added bonus.
I care to a point. The only person I really discussed names with during my pregnancy was my grandpa. He gave his opinions and advice (like he always does) and I took it into consideration. He didn't say anything horribly negative about any of my choices but he had preferences.
I imagine my family has discussed the name between themselves, but no one has done so negatively (to my knowledge). But if they did I really couldn't care less. They named their babies now I get to name mine.
I would not settle on a name I was neutral about just to save someone the trouble of talking behind my back. You can't please everyone. Chances are at least one person will dislike any name you choose for one reason or another.
I agree. We kept DS' name (Bauer) a secret because we didn't want to hear comments about it. People are still going to make comments, but you just have to stick to your guns and say "It is a name that DH & I love and feel we fits him/her".
Everyone else has given good advice, so I won't belabor the points by repeating them.
I just wanted to say that if anyone hints or says outright that Quinn, Sydney, or Emilia is somehow controversial, daring, or otherwise "out there," you can safely ignore that person because describing his/her bland taste as "vanilla" is an insult to vanilla. Go further ? feel free to ignore this person's taste in movies, music, food, clothing, etc. because life is too short for that level of boring. All three of those names are popular names for girls that are spelled reasonably. Anyone who finds them too spicy must subsist on bleached bread and milk.
Baby Name Popularity by State
Go with what you and your DH love! Lol next the comments will come if someone thinks you are doing something wrong with little one cause it's not their way. Good luck and congrats!
We didn't mentioned DS's name until he was born and introduced him as Hudson Thomas *******. Hudson is not a traditional name. Most of our family loved it but MIL didn't. We just don't care what people think (that's why we didn't tell them). I think with MIL it was more that she didn't have a part in naming him but she had her chance.
DS2's name is controversial. We shared it as a possibility while we were TTC but no one knows that it's the one. It's Felix. While it's classic and old our parents' generation associate it with the cat. Oh well, it's our baby. Just remember that it's YOUR baby and YOU get to name it! So ignore what everyone else will say and enjoy the process for you and DH!
It's a name. Have you ever heard someone come up to a person and say, "Hi, I'm _____" and the person says, "OH, that name is HORRIBLE!"
Usually it's oh, okay. They learn the person's name and that's that.
That's why it's good to wait till the baby's here if you care one way or the other.
I told my mom some possibilities for DD and she ran it by her friends before telling me it was "okay with her." *sigh*. Her first impression of Samantha was "After the witch from Bewitched???!??!" I wanted to say, "No, after the slut from Sex in the City."
One of our friends (who was drunk at the time) said our boy choice was "really weird" (Griffin).
Cousin's kid is Kingston Cole. There was a bit of "Old King Cole" or K.C." at first. But we know that he's just Kingston now, and he's the cutest little bug.
BTW, don't go with BORING. Go with the names you love! You can't make everyone happy. But you can make you and your husband happy. In this situation, that's most important.
Samantha Skye - Aug 30, 2006 AND Maxwell Griffin - April 14, 2009
Of course I want people to like my children's names, but you can't please everyone and it is most important for you and your H to be pleased with the name.
I don't like several of my friend's/family's children's names. So I took that into account when naming mine. I did not like them when the children were born, but most of them have grown on me. I have to hope that that will happen with my sons' names too. I'm pretty sure most people don't like the name Francis and are desperately waiting for us to start calling him Frankie, but it was a name that DH really loved and that was my priority.
It helps that if people are dumb enough to be rude to my face I call them out on it right away. Very few people make that mistake.
ETA: I learned way after the fact that FIL didn't like the name Theodore at first. My reaction was "Oh, well!"
I just think you need to make a decision that makes you happy. I do think regret has to be a factor with baby naming and make sure that if the name you like is on the trendy side that it will stand the test of time with YOU. I know for me, trendy names sometimes strike me as pretty or interesting but then they pass and feel tired and I get sick of them.
As for your comment about Katherine or Rachel. You say these names are "safe" and "non-offensive" but in the same sentence call them "boring". Obviously those names aren't "safe" if people are calling them negative things (boring is a negative IMO) . My DD is Katherine - we call her Kate - and I don't find it even a little bit boring. I think it is beautiful and I love it's versatility. If you find a name snooze-worthy, I certainly wouldn't recommend using it to appease your social circle.
As for your other choices - Quinn, Sydney, and Emilia - I don't think they are that out there at all. Quinn and Sydney are nms - to masculine for my tastes. Emilia is pretty, but very similar to popular Emily and Amelia which put them more in the Katherine/Rachel category than anything else. I would be surprised if anyone was strongly opposed to Emilia.
Pick something you love that you feel will stand the test of time for you.
Married 6/28/03
Kate ~ 7/3/09 *** Connor ~ 11/11/10
4 miscarriages: 2007, 2009, 2013, 2014
*~*~*~*~*
No more TTC for us. We are done, and at peace, as a family of 4.
"Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.” — Charles Dickens
Rylan 1/27/2011, 2:42 pm, 5lbs 12oz, 18.5 inches long
Ayla 10/02/2013, 10:14 am, 6lbs 14oz, 19.25 inches long
Missed Miscarriage 6w3d 3/02/2010
I'll hold you in my heart until I hold you in heaven.
I like you list, Sydney and Emilia are both on our list.
We just don't pay attention to what family says, they will get over any dislikes as soon as they are holding that tiny bundle.
This, 100%.
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
You won't have to force yourself to not care as soon as you meet your beautiful baby. You will love whatever name you pick and not care what anyone else thinks because you are so in love with your child. As say this as the mother of a Jackson - a name that seems to be extremely popular yet hated just as much. It was a compromise name that was not my first choice and admittedly so because of its reputation, but now that my little man is here, I cannot imagine him being named anything else and I love his name.
The names you like are not bizarre/really out there names that people might legitimately side eye or caution you over. I don't think you could go wrong with any of them.
I don't really care what strangers think of my children's names, but family is another matter, and I sympathize with you there.
Here's the thing.
If you're keeping the name a secret until the baby's born, you're avoiding opinions. After the baby is born, almost no one will say, "Ugh, really?" If they don't like it, they don't like it, but they'll probably keep that to themselves. Everyone in our family loooves DD1's name (or, you know, at least says they do). I'm certain most of them would've been like, "meh" if we'd told them before she was born.
My main sticking point with your post, though, was how you said you didn't want to "settle on a name to avoid others takling behind your back." Dude. You have a son. You're doing this parenting thing. You know people are going to talk about your decisions and techniques and choices, even if you're not around. You can't fret over that. You just have to do what works for you, naming your daughter included.
First I want to mention that I LOVE Sydney. It is my mom's name and there are many women on my mom's side that have this name... in many different generations so there are women of all ages in my family with this name.
Ok onto the question itself. I don't know how to tell you to stop caring. For me, I have decided to use family names and that is that. The decision will be up to H and I on which names we choose (we are set in stone on first and middle name for girl1, and first name of boy1. Still discussing middle name for boy1.) It's really not up to anyone else.
Maybe try to remember that this is YOUR and your H's baby. YOU two get to make the decision. Be confident and happy in your decision, and I think the not caring what others think will come with that.
bfp#4 3/19/2014 edd 12/1/2014 please let this be the one!
beta @ 5w0d = 12,026! u/s 4/22/14 @ 8w1d it's twins!
People didn't like our kids name, we named her what we wanted anyway.
If they say something after the baby is born, just say "I'm sorry you feel that way....but you only have to love the baby,not his name. We love his name." and leave it at that.