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Babies: 3 - 6 Months
cmurphy09
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UuuHH. WTF, lady moment how would you handle
cmurphy09
member
This happened around when DD was 2.5 months DH and I finally decided to go out to dinner w/ her... As we were sitting in the lobby waiting for a table dd needed a diaper. While changing her in the ladies room, a woman whom mostly spoke spanish came up TOUCHED my daughter midchange on her arm! Continued to tell me how precious she was and 'to be careful, someone might try to steal her' then went on about her kids in their 40's 50's... Like I Friggin cared about her kids or anything she had to say! I was shocked and appalled at this woman's behavior... Being a new mom, tired and hungry I was left speechless and feel like I let DD down, still, for not laying into this woman hardcore.
In all seriousness, how would you have handled differently without hittingthat's assault... and suggestions on how I better prepare myself for potential future weirdos? And to properly corner someone when they try to fainsp? Ignorance?
In all seriousness, how would you have handled differently without hittingthat's assault... and suggestions on how I better prepare myself for potential future weirdos? And to properly corner someone when they try to fainsp? Ignorance?
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Re: UuuHH. WTF, lady moment how would you handle
The situation you described really wouldn't upset me. The only time I get iffy about people touching DS is if they touch his face. It was her arm, and she didn't try to pick her up or anything. She was just being friendly.
I partially blame the restaurant for not putting change table in a stall and instead having it out in the open.
Diaper changes are a pretty normal things for babies, so while yes, I'd rather strangers not see my son's junk, it isn't the end of the world. This just isn't something I'd get worked up about.
You are probably never going to be able to avoid the comments, people telling you their life story, etc. But DH and I have always had a strict policy about strangers touching our babies, anywhere.
If it happens again, you just simply say firmly, "please don't touch my child." If they give you a hard time, you can throw them some line about cold/flu germs, or you can make the argument that your child is intitled to their personal space too. (DH has had some fun with the latter one).
Either way, you are her mom, and if it makes you uncomfortable, don't be afraid to speak up!
It wouldn't bother me too much personally. I'm pretty aware of the wide range of emotions different mother feel regarding ppl touching their babies. Unfortunately, many other people aren't as aware, especially older people. Whenever someone does get a little too close, I always think of my grandmother, who would totally do the same thing, with zero malintent and I usually back down.
Ultimately, though, that is your baby and if you are in a situation where you feel someone is too close for comfort you should never hesitate to say something. Just do so calmly and politely and realize the other person likely is not trying to offend you.
I think you're overreacting. The lady touched her arm, not her privates. From your story, she wasn't acting predatory in any way, and comes across as just a nice older lady who was happy to see a cute baby.
You're going to have to get used to the weird ways of well-meaning strangers. We've got a long way to go in this Mommyhood thing, and you're going to be mad a lot if you take offense to every little thing like this.
ETA: as a pp said, if you're not comfortable with people touching your child, just politely (yet firmly) tell them. I might have been uncomfortable with her touching a bare leg during a dipe change, but an arm just isnt that big of a deal to me.
212 Facebook Admin.
This.
To me it would really be NBD. It's not like a creepy looking man waltzed into the ladies room to look at you DD while she was getting her diaper changed. Most older people just genuinely love babies, and I'm sure seeing yong moms out with babies brings back a lot of fond memories for them. IMO it sounds like this is exactly what happened since the lady started to tell you about her grown children.
And FWIW...I'm not the most social person in the world, but when an older person sees DD and starts to reminisce, I try to listen with a smile because it might just make their day. In this fast paced world, the elderly tend to get shuffled out of the way.
Recent enough for me to remember...An article I read today reminded me of the situation & put the question in mind as to whether or not I handled the situation appropriately by disregarding her.
Maybe so... And I never once thought she was 'that' kind of weirdo, lol. Just disrespectful of boundaries... Not to mention she hovered throughout the time it took to change her diaper & touched DD as she came out of the stall prior to washing her Hands (gross!!).
Just wondering how other moms react... Also I live in Jacksonville, FL most ppl are asshats here - looking how to be douches, when you live in a big city your guard is always up - it has to be
In your first post you didn't mention she touched your baby right after coming out of the bathroom PRIOR to washing her hands.
In that case, I would tell her not to touch my LO until her hands are washed. I understand your guard being up but given the right circumstances(hands washed...) Let her admire her baby..she probably misses hers!!
I might be in the minority here, but I also hate when people touch my LO without permission. I also feel like a shitty mom when I don't say something or prevent it from happening. I would be especially annoyed if it happened in the washroom. I don't think I realized how obnoxious this was before having a child of my own, though I have never touched a random baby without permission before. People forget that babies put their hands and toys and whatever else in their mouths. They also forget that babies are human beings not toys. When looking at it from that perspective, it's creepy when people transgress another person's right to their bodily integrity, no matter how minor that transgression is.
I also find that comments about 'stealing the baby' or people who make jokes about taking the baby from their parents quite disturbing on an instinctual level. It sets of my mama instincts like nothing else. I have disallowed people who I would rationally trust with LOs life from holding her because of comments like that. I honestly believe it's an evolutionary instinct and not one we should be ashamed of.
That being said, intention is an important factor here. People don't realize they are being obnoxious, they might even genuinely believe they are paying you a huge compliment. Is it worth getting annoyed about? Yes. Enraged? No. Just develop your strategy for preventing this from happening in the future and realize that it's part of what you deal with as a parent.
I have to say your comment "she mostly spoke spanish" frankly came across as a little racist. If she mostly spoke english, would it not have been that bad...
Then I saw this post and thought to myself that maybe you were questioning whether or not this was something that hispanic cultures would have felt more comfortable with like this poster said. I really hope that is where you were going with that.
This. I forget what the actual term is, but there is some 'curse' about giving a baby a compliment and then not touching said baby. Not sure if it's specific to Mexican culture, or a general belief among Spanish speakers. It is considered rude NOT to touch a baby in this instance. HTH!
This. I usually see it as a compliment - I'm glad that people think that DD is cute and want to interact
I'm still getting used to speaking with total strangers, but if they took the time to notice us and say something nice, then I appreciate it.
As long as DD's face or hands aren't touched (especially face, though), I have no problem.
Thank you for being respectful toward my POV as we're all different. You hit the nail on the head...
And to those assuming I'm racist b/c I mentioned the lady spoke spanish... I mentioned it due to COMMUNICATION barrier!! I don't care of a person's cultural ways, no excuse to be rude! Now go sip your koolaid...
This would be no bid deal for me, people LOVE little babies. My lo gets touched on the arm often and I dont mind because they just wanna say hello and talk for a minute, Now if they hadnt washed their hands after using the bathroom that would change my opinion of them touching lo.
I know one day when I'm an old lady and my lo is grown up Im gonna be one of those people who wanna see your baby and talk about my lo for a minute.
This made me lol b/c I received a similar comment, thought it was odd. I use a change pad and found a mini can of lysol to use when I'm out ;
I don't mind ppl touching her just not during a diaper change that's where I draw the line young, old, male, female idc, not biased just particular than most it seems w/ dd. I would never yell, of course... just awkward, like uh wtf, hello? Unsure how to handle looking for tips :
I think you miscomprehended this post... if you have no advice other than to place judgment based on misquoting and criticize, plz move along...
Have a nice day!
Mal de ojo...the evil eye. In order to protect the baby from the evil eye you touch them on the arm or the head when giving a compliment. She was trying to both say nice things about your baby and protect them from harm.
If you are uncomfortable you can politely, but firmly, say something (especially about the handwashing), but please avoid "lay[ing] hardcore" into someone unless they are trying to do something actually hardcore. Consider that there may be something you don't know about involved (like this belief, in this case) and make sure your reaction is appropriate to the original action.
Huh?
While I personally don't touch other people's kids, this behavior doesn't seem abnormal to me at all. I don't think "boundaries" were crossed, she was just being nice.
And most changing tables are found outside of the stalls so blaming the restaurant is kind of silly.
She is not placing judgement at all. You are really defensive and seem ready to "lay into people hardcore" a little too quickly.
Whatever... I'm not laying into ppl, nor defensive, aside from the borderline racist comment...that hit a nerve tbh. I'm simply explaining myself better since ppl aren't 'picking up what I'm putting down'... tired mommy brains seem to be having a hard time today, understandable ;P
I did hear something along the lines of 'evil eye' from an old friend about her cuban culture about looking someone in the eye, etc... but didn't know what it entailed. That's interesting to know.
I think all of the PP's understand perfectly "what you're putting down." What you're doing is trying to make us feel the same way about the situation that you do. Frankly many people don't care if another person touches their kid aslong as they're not an apparent creeper. When you added that the lady was hispanic/latino the first thing I thought was, yep that's cultural. I for one wouldn't have even worried about it unless she touched the baby's hand or face, at which point I would have washed with a wipe and moved on. My tired mommy brain understands perfectly that you are overreacting.
It has nothing to do with tired mommy brains. People aren't "picking up what you're putting down" because what you're "putting down" is ridiculous. Seriosuly, a nice older woman gave your baby a compliment and touched her on the arm (which it seems is a gesture of protection over your child for her culture) and then proceeded to tell you about her children. You are going to have a long road of WTF moments if you get this worked up over something so harmless. Trust me when I say your child will come across far worse situations in their lifetime, and if for some reason she doesn't, then be glad that the worst injustice in her lifetime was a compliment and a gesture of protection.
Did it catch me off guard and felt slightly uncomfortable initially? Yes.
However I never reacted to the woman just listened to her... I recently read an article about random ppl touching their children putting my initial response in question. Purpose of this post, which is what you ladies seem to not be grasping...
It's not ridiculous, don't like ppl touching her in a public restroom. If you don't care with children fine whatever. I'm not the kind of person who strikes convos with random strangers in stalls either and generally see it as an invasion of privacy. I disagree with most of you as much as viceversa and find most of your comments rude tbh...not in the fact some disagree but in the fact the comments are poorly written...
I'm reading through some of these comments and I'm thinking...seriously??? If someone came out of a bathroom stall and didn't wash their hands...I'm disgusted in general. Add not washing then touching my baby and I'm pissed!! Thats gross! I'm nice to people when they say things and talk about their kids and all, but I don't care who you are...wash your friggin hands! If it would have been my grandma, I would've been mad. You don't know what she touched in there!
Bottom line...talk to me and my baby all ya want. Don't touch! Complete strangers (young and old) have touched my son's hands and face before and it makes me mad...he doesn't take a pacifier..he sucks his two fingers.
DS born 04/25/2012
That part of this whole thing that bothered me the most was when you said the part about not friggin' caring about hearing about her kids. She sounds like a sweet, wellmeaning elderly woman, and you sound like a complete b!tch. When your kids are in their 40s and 50s, you'll probably want to reminiscence about them, too. And hopefully you won't make the mistake of trying to do so to a jerk like yourself.
No, your posts came off as "How dare this random Hispanic woman touch my beautiful, delicate, dainty child's arm!!!! Grrrrrr." And it isn't like she touched your baby in a vulnerable area, while going to the bathroom. I stick with my inital assessment-you are overreacting.