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Working Moms
BigIsland07
member
Really frustrated with DH
BigIsland07
member
in Working Moms
DH just got home from an 8-day business trip (like, walked in the door 10 minutes ago). DS has REALLY missed him. I assumed DH would go in a little late (like 30 minutes) to work tomorrow and hang out with the kiddos for a little extra time. When I asked DH if he was going to go in late tomorrow, he said, "No. I'm not tired and I don't feel like I need to." I told him HE might not need the extra time, but there was a little man upstairs who could sure use the extra time. He responded, "Whatever, honey. I'll see him when I see him." He'll see him for 15 minutes in the morning.
I'm PISSED. I've been busting my balls for the last 8 days to make sure these kids don't miss the attention of having two parents around. DS has REALLY missed his dad, and I've shared that with DH. I'm disappointed. Maybe that's a better word.
Guess I'll spend my morning trying to explain to DS that daddy had to go to work and couldn't hang out. Arg.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Really frustrated with DH
That sucks. My DH has a job that has an odd schedule. DS gets used to him being around 24/7 for two weeks, then he goes to work for 2 weeks. While he gets home here and there over those 2 weeks- DS REALLY misses him and often the first couple days are "where is daddy? I miss daddy" and some tears. But daddy might walk in - sometimes after being awake ALL night and desperately tired - and he'll drop everything and focus on DS.
While this is "one" time and your DS is still young, in the long run, if your DH keeps up this attitude- it WILL show through eventually and your DS WILL notice that daddy doesn't make him a priority. And it will affect how close they are.
If your DH is o.k. with this- then keep up what he's doing....
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
All of this. It really took a while for things to register with my DH that DD really did notice when he wasn't around, and really did miss him when he traveled. At one point, DH was gone so much for work (and then for fun guys weekends on top of it) that I finally had to point out that DD didn't care when he came home anymore. I'd already tried begging him to spend time with her, pleading with him to take a 1/2 day from work after weeks of travel, and nothing worked. It wasn't until I pointed out the change in her behavior, and he paid attention to it, that he made some changes. It took a while, but they're best buds again.
I hope your DH figures it out soon.
Your H may feel pressure to show up to work now that he is back in town. I know that I tend to get way behind on my other work and emails while I travel and it stresses me out big time. In all fairness to your H, I don't think it should be expected that he will automatically cut short his work day just because he was out of town for a few days. I understand that it stinks, but those expectations were probably on the table when he took a job that involved travel.
Duke's House: Eating and Running with the Big Dog in Chennai: eatrunbrit.com
2010 Race PRs:
5K - 24:57 10M - 1:28:20 13.1M - 1:57:29 26.2M - 4:28:29
I'm going to offer a slightly different perspective, and probably one you won't agree with.
You posted this literally 10 minutes after he walked in the door after an 8 day trip. And at 10:30 at night no less! Way to welcome him home. I travel for work occasionally and the last thing I need from my H when I get home is a lecture about how much I was missed and a loaded question about whether or not I'd be trying to make it up to my kid - all in the first 10 minutes! And ditto to the posters who asked if adjusting his work start time is even an option for him. It wouldn't be for me or for my DH.
I get that you don't like to see your kid unahppy about missing his dad. But if traveling is part of your H's job, he will need to get used to it. You "trying to explain to DS that daddy had to go to work and couldn't hang out" is not going to help the situation and, honestly, sounds pretty passive agressive to me. Daddy has to work, period. Making work this big awful thing that keeps Daddy from DS is not going to make things any better.
If this is a habit, then, yes, as others have said, you need to address it with your H. If not, it sounds like you need to find a way to allieviate the pressure on yourself to be twice the parent when he's gone.