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trouble digesting some news from BM

sassydevil83sassydevil83
in Adoption
Ok so let me preface this by stating that I have nothing but love for our BM. We have been in each others lives for many years and our parents are best friends. With that being said, this weekend i got a call from DD BM, well she is expecting again. I wanted to be happy but that was not my first reaction. When she placed DD with us the reasoning was behind her placement was that she already have a 4year old that she could barely care for, no job, no stable home, shaky significant other, etc. Well the only thing that has changed in her situation is the man. That makes 3 children 3 different dads...no job, no stable home, her boyfriend has 2 children of his own and she still has the one. My main concern is DD, I dont want her to think that her BM threw her away, since she kept her first got "rid" of her and then kept the last. So please give me some advice so I can be "happy" in this situation and not be angry at the fact that there is only going to be a year difference between DD and this "sibling". I know that this is a long rant but I am just beside myself.
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Re: trouble digesting some news from BM

  • jillianmbjillianmb member

    Well I think first of all, I don't think you have to be happy about this; you just have to find a way to accept it and show kindness to the BM in spite of your feelings. You just found out so your emotions are going to be heightened for a while. 

    As far as your DD, I see you concern.  If BM decides to parent this child your story to DD will probably not change that much: the truth is that BM loves all three of those children, but at the time DD was born, she could not take care of here even though she wished she could have.  As your DD gets older she will likely both struggle more with this truth but also understand it more and see the disparity between how she is being raised and how her bio-siblings are being raised.

    Children who were adopted into their families have to work through these emotions; we wish we could protect them from it, but the truth is that it is part of their story and our job is to support and guide them through the painful parts.  You can do this! Your DD may struggle with some of the questions you mentioned, but she has an awesome mom to support her and love on her through it all. 

    TTC September 2010 thru October 2011
    SA February 2011: Normal
    RE App. October 2011 - Recc. Clomid and IUI

    Taking a break from TTC to pursue adoption

    Met our 2 year old son in Russia July 2012!
    Court trip October 2012
    Home November 24 2012!

    Back to RE Summer 2013. TTC journey continues: 

    Dx DOR, endometriosis, low sperm count 
    Clomid + IUI#1, #2 = BFN / IUI #3 = ???

    Laparoscopy scheduled December 2013

    Adding a Burden
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