2 Showers for Same Friend....WWYD?

526SadieSadie · September 2012

A friend's wife is due in November and I was invited to a shower his mom is hosting in three weeks. I RSVP'd yesterday. I just met her recently but she's an awesome girl and I'm very excited to be included in her shower.

I just got an invitation today to another shower hosted by my friend (the Father to Be) at their house in mid-October. WWYD?

I know its icky to host a shower for your own child's birth - I'm not asking for commentary on that front. My question is: would you assume they don't know about the shower his mom is hosting? I don't want to give anything away by saying that I can only attend the first shower...but on the same token, I have no idea how his mom would know my name or get my address unless he gave it to her.

I'm conflicted. Again, they're great people who I like a lot and I'm touched to be included, but the second shower seems excessive (might not be the right word) to me... She doesn't have any family around, she grew up in foster care (I don't know her well enough to have details). I feel bad about not wanting to go to both, because I really want to be supportive but two gifts...eesh.

mama&baby · September 2012

Odds are, FTB doesn't understand etiquette because he is a guy. Or his SO wanted more present so she convinced him to host one, too. Either way, I personally would only go to one. If you feel like you really DO want to go to both, then I would get two small presents and bring one to each shower (not spending any more than you would have on one gift for one shower). But if you are wierded out by the concept, just go to the one his mom is hosting. That's what I would do!

PunkyBooster · September 2012

I would just go to the one her mom is hosting

MCRM22011 · September 2012

I'd go to the first one that you rsvp'd for.

sabriel1 · September 2012

mama&baby:

Odds are, FTB doesn't understand etiquette because he is a guy. Or his SO wanted more present so she convinced him to host one, too. Either way, I personally would only go to one. If you feel like you really DO want to go to both, then I would get two small presents and bring one to each shower (not spending any more than you would have on one gift for one shower). But if you are wierded out by the concept, just go to the one his mom is hosting. That's what I would do!

This was exactly what I was going to say... where the husband is the one who is ACTUALLY your friend I would go with two smaller gifts and go to both... if you hadn't already RSVP'd then I would suggest going to the one the husband was hasting dince he was your friend but looks like you are stuck going to the mothers regardless

moonglow_84 · September 2012

I'd RSVP just to the first shower hosted by the mother and attend it before RSVPing to the 2nd one. If it is a surprise, your friend and his wife may cancel theirs after this one happens and then there's nothing to worry about. If they don't, I would politely decline the second shower and say that something came up last minute or something.

rhubarb123 · September 2012

IMO you should definitely go to the one his mom is hosting since you RSVP'd that you would attend. Give the nice gift at that shower. If it IS a surprise shower (which I'm thinking is not since it would have said so on the invite) then I would also go to the DTB's shower but get a smaller gift (maybe a little outfit). If he is inviting basically all of the same people I'm sure there will not be a big turnout so I'd definitely want to support him (especially since he is a good friend). The people that do go (who also went to the first shower) will probably just get small gifts.

526SadieSadie · September 2012

Sorry about the post & run - DH worked really late and I was trying to type and take care of Livi.

Thanks for your input, ladies!

I think I might attend both, I have time to decide thankfully!!

MonicaClaire13 · September 2012

526SadieSadie:
Sorry about the post & run - DH worked really late and I was trying to type and take care of Livi.

Thanks for your input, ladies!

I think I might attend both, I have time to decide thankfully!!

I would go to both but maybe bring a smaller gift to the second?

Maybe since the husband is hosting the second it will be less like a traditional shower and more like a gathering of friends. Not so formal and stuff? idk, I do think it's weird to host your own if you already know someone is throwing one for you. But if it's a surprise maybe he just wants to do something special for his wife since as you said, she really has no family or anything

Ivana_Stolichnaya · September 2012

Choose just one. I was invited to one from a mom-to-be's playgroup and then invited to another by the mom-to-be's older sister. I chose the one closest to me. The other would have been a 2.5 hour drive one way.

mhickey426 · September 2012

They must know that the mil is throwing a shower because how else would the mil have your info to invite you. Also, what FTB throws a shower it is her throwing it.

I would only go to the one shower and that would be the one you already said yes to. I definitly would not give 2 gifts and go to both showers. I would also probably give a smaller gift becaues she is having 2 showers and you said you just met her not that long ago

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