How do you deal with "NO"?

fignewt74 · September 2012

I feel like lately everytime I ask DS to do something "go get your shoes", "time to clean-up", "lets go upstairs for naptime", etc he responds with "NO!" Sometimes I tell him he is being too bossy or I don't like the way he is speaking to me, but most of the time I end up threatening him "If you don't go upstairs and get your shoes right now, you won't get any books at bedtime."

I really hate all the threats, and am looking for some softer suggestions on how to curb this annoyance, which I think is becoming a bad habit for him. Thoughts?

KathrynMD · September 2012

I still do alot of it as an option. Do you want to put your shoes in 3 minutes or 5 minutes? She normally just wants to have a long convo about it. If she starts stalling too much, I start going. That normally gets her back in the groove.

ldcoffel · September 2012

I do options too. Do you want to pick up the ponies or the books first?

DD doesn't tell me "no," she just ignores me... I count to 3, and that gets her going. Who knows what would happen if I really got to 3?!

JoannaJes · September 2012

We used 123 Magic with a lot of success. I would try giving choices, like PP said, but he would flat out tell me he didn't like either of them. "These are not my choices!" is what he would say. Little stinker.

starshine1977 · September 2012

I teach preschool and another trick I use to circumvent the NO is this. "I need you to do so and so. Can you do it yourself or do you want me to help you?" Most times they want to do it themselves. If this doesn't get them moving then it's, "I'm going to count to 3 and then I'm going to have to help you do it." And then follow through.

ETA: Oh and if you need them to do something, don't ask them to do it, TELL them to do it. Of course they are going to say no if they have a choice. I had a teacher assistant that did this. "Can you go to the bathroom?" Of course they are going to answer no.

KathrynMD · September 2012

starshine1977:

I teach preschool and another trick I use to circumvent the NO is this. "I need you to do so and so. Can you do it yourself or do you want me to help you?" Most times they want to do it themselves. If this doesn't get them moving then it's, "I'm going to count to 3 and then I'm going to have to help you do it." And then follow through.

ETA: Oh and if you need them to do something, don't ask them to do it, TELL them to do it. Of course they are going to say no if they have a choice. I had a teacher assistant that did this. "Can you go to the bathroom?" Of course they are going to answer no.

This is all very good advice. I am totally guilty of the asking instead of telling thing (even though I know I should just tell). The "I need you to do X" also works like a charm, I need to use that on my first requests more often.