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Adoption
Don't know if we are going to adopt or lose our child to his bio parents..Help?
I am so confused and I am at a loss of what I need to do. I have taken in my nephew as a relative care giver and we have raised him like he is our very own because he is like our first child being we don't have any other ones. We got him when he was almost 3 months old and now he will be a year in two months. The case has been up and down...probably adopt and then the parents get back in the picture...but we all know that they only are in the picture because they are being forced to. They do not really care about him and everyone knows it but the court still looks at it like "they are doing things on the case" so they might prolong the case to give them more time or there is still the open possiblity that they might get him back.
they have not tried for almost the whole year and just now within four months..they are being forced to do some things and are doing it to stay out of jail! How do I let the judge know that the baby is better with us, who love him like he is our own. I was told to write a letter to the judge but then the parents get to read it...and then what if they decide to try harder just so I can't keep him...I am so confused and I want what is best for the baby...
But my heart is hurting because they might even consider giving him back and taking him away from the only parents he knows..my husband and I. Any advice and help and prayer would be much appreciated. I don't know how I will handle it if I have to give back my "first" baby to people that are NOT suitable parents....
Help....Thanks
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Re: Don't know if we are going to adopt or lose our child to his bio parents..Help?
Does he have a GAL assigned? Or I think it may also be called a CAS (?) in other states. If so, talk to them! They are the child's advocate in court and they should be fighting for what is in the child's best interest. In our state, the GAL is allowed to speak directly to the judge, both in court but also through formal reports. At least this way the information wouldn't be coming from you directly and the judge could get your message
I would also suggest expressing your concerns to the child's social worker. They should be looking out for the child as well. They have to submit reports to the judge and will have to testify as well.
Have you been able to attend any of the court hearings for your case? Our judge always lets us have a chance to speak. She typically asks us a few direct questions regarding others testimony and then she asks what she can do to help us or the child. Basically, it is our chance to give her a different point of view.
Hang in there! Find a way to get your concerns heard because your little nephew definitely deserves it!
I haven't been in your shoes, so I don't have much to add. All I can say is that I've watched several families go through similar processes and have the same fears you are currently facing. Have faith that the judge will see how much you do for your nephew and how much you love him. He will also see if they are unfit to parent. In most cases, I do believe that the system works in the best interest of the child, if not always in the best time-frame and certainly not without putting the hearts of most foster parents/relative care givers through the wringer.
Be strong and trust in what you are doing and that the judge will make a decision in the best interest of the child you love so much. I wish you the best!
We started the foster-to-adopt road very cautiously because we also did not have any children of our own and were scared to death of getting a child, only to lose them. Obviously we were adoption motivated, but chose F2A because of our hopes of bringing home an infant.
Our first foster son was a whirlwind - we had about 3 hours notice that we were chosen to take him in. He was in an emergency removal situation so we had to decide quickly, but knew we had to jump in feet first! He was 4 months old when we took him in. During the 9 months we had him, we grew so attached, like he was our own. He even met my dad and my husband's mom. Throughout the whole process, it was looking like the only possible choice the courts would have would be to terminate parental rights. Bio dad was never found to confirm paternity. Mom was pregnant again, on drugs, had no home, no support system. But because she at least tried, then got the father of her new baby to marry her, the state let the case go on. In the end, our foster son was returned to his mother. A few months later, the step dad removed him and the new baby from the house. We reached out to him, and he was thankful, but we've never seen our LO again.
It's far and away the hardest thing we've ever had to do. We pleaded with the GAL and CASA, but never found it appropriate to contact the judge or district attorney. Unfortunately, the number one goal is family reunification, even if it's not the best solution. Our foster agency rep told us that repeatedly - it's not always what's best, but what can be good enough.
From the sounds of it, even if your little one is returned to his parents, you may have the opportunity to stay in his life, since you are related. I would keep the faith that it may all work out in your favor, but start to prepare for what may happen if it doesn't. See if the GAL/CASA can advocate some sort of continued contact. I would give anything to see our foster son again, just to know he's okay... Even if I can't share with him that we were essentially his parents for 9 months of his life!
Best of luck to you. Try to stay strong, although I know what it's like to hear those words... **HUGS**