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Stay at Home Moms
Steph_whalen5@yahoo.com
member
Anyone else feel/felt as though they were losing themselves?
Steph_whalen5@yahoo.com
member
I should start by saying that it was much more me pushing to SAH after DD was born. I have loved every minute of it and truly wouldn't change it for the world. That being said, I cant seem to shake this feeling that I've lost who I am in all of this craziness. I feel like I'm still the mom and wife, but me as a person seems to have gone MIA. Am I making any sense ? Does anyone else feel this way or felt this way in the past? Is it a phase or should I try to find something not baby related that entertains me too??? Thanks for listening!
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Re: Anyone else feel/felt as though they were losing themselves?
I'll just speak for myself but yes, I've been thru that. I wasnt able to do the things I loved to do before kids (or at least not as regularly) ex. read, ride my horse, stuff that I cant do with the kids. I had to go thru an adjustment phase where I grabbed little bits when I could and asked for help when I needed it (which was very hard for me). Also, I joined a Mom's Club (momsclub.org) and that helped too. GL, mine did pass!
edit--I had a big adjustment being home in terms of work/money too...I was in upper management and made a great living/always had my own money. Took me quite a while to feel comfortable spending DH's money
I do, but even worse I have no desire to change it.
I have a feeling when both the kids are off to school all day I'm going to need some serious therapy. lol.
Yes - I'm dealing with this to some extent. I really miss swimming... I used to go almost every day for the past 5 years at least, but I've only gone a couple times since DD was born. It's part of how I define myself - a swimmer. My muscles actually ache to get in the water. And with the school year starting back up, DH is getting back involved with all of our church and volunteer commitments, while I stay home. *Sigh* I'm happy being a wife and mother, but it's going to take some adjustment not to have as much time for myself, for sure! I totally get the whole
"who am I now?" thing.
I just watched the movie The Bridges of Madison County, and was really struck by a quote... here:
"When a woman makes the choice to marry, to have children; in one way her life begins but in another way it stops. You build a life of details. You become a mother, a wife and you stop and stay steady so that your children can move. And when they leave they take your life of details with them. And then you're expected move again only you don't remember what moves you because no-one has asked in so long. Not even yourself."
I think that's so beautiful and sad at the same time. Life is certainly different as a mother, but it's no less of a life!
Yes, to some extent, but I feel like multiple factors have contributed. Also, I'm sure that all mothers go through this to some extent, it's just seems like it would be possible more extreme/more obvious as a SAHM because it's a considerable lifestyle change on top of everything that's already changing in your life! For me, I feel like I went through a whole shift. Obviously there's the going from a working adult/wife to leaving my job to SAH, but at the same time just becoming a mom has drastically changed who I am. I'm also 26, had DS when I was 23 so I feel like I was also going through a transition from a young adult to more of a "real adult" if that makes sense. No more shopping in the junior's section for me!
All of these things have kind of left me trying to figure out who I am. Some days I feel like answering that "who am I?" question is more important than others. When I find myself struggling I do feel like it helps to do something that I enjoy doing, whether that be going out to dinner with friends or just spending some time relaxing and reading. Just kind of helps me to realign.
I can say, I recall hitting a frustrating point with the "losing myself" thing when DS was approaching a year. I think it's almost like those first few months of new motherhood/caring for a baby are so intense it's easy to kind of lose sight of yourself when you're always, always, ALWAYS, putting someone else's needs first and just trying to find a balance for everything. When DS was around a year or so I feel like I kind of came out of that and started doing some things for myself that made me feel better and gave me more balance in my life.
GL!
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Yes to a small extent. I think for me its a new transition to work through. I sometimes see my married friends with no kids and think how awesome that stage was! No kids to lug around, able to go out whenever you want for however long you want, etc.
Joyfullyfound-Love the quote you posted! I think it is so true. I saw it with my mom who was a stay at home my whole life. (She is still staying at home now) Being a mom consumes your whole life. Your friends become the parents of your kids friends. Then when they are gone or no longer in an activity your friends kinda disappear.
I think as kids get older, I think the easier it may become. (Totally speculating here! We may have a little more freedom to do things we like. They may be a little easier to leave with baby sitters, etc.
Good luck-hope you start feeling more like yourself soon!
Not silly at all mama! I was reading something recently that was talking about how PPD can be diagnosed as far as (I think, if I'm remembering correctly) 2 years postpartum. I honestly don't know that much about it, but when I was reading that I was surprised by the amount of time that can go by and it still be applicable. I certainly believe it though
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Reading this quote just brought tears to my eyes. It does change you, to have kids. I am just a lurker, as I have a career that keeps me busy outside the home.
But I still struggle with not being about to do the things I love as much, and I mourn my pre-baby life occasionally. Of course she is the love of my life, but it is still hard to feel as if you've lost your old life.