Dealing with our Parents "bad parenting"

mzovoce · September 2012

DH and I have a more hands on approach to parenting, instead of just saying "no" or "don't do that" we try and always redirect our son. It doesn't always work, and I'm even suggesting that our way is better than another. But we notice with our parents they don't get down on his level and play with him, and they say "no" first and then suggest something later. Then they get frustrated when he doesn't listen, he's 26 months. I don't listen to them and I'm in my mid-30's.

I also noticed with my parents that they raise their voices a LOT. Again, not saying I don't, but they do it with a lot of frequency, and it bothers me. DS sees his grandparents about once a month, for a few days each month. Neither is local, but we try very hard to make sure that he has a relationship with them both. How do I handle this hurdle that I consider to be quite significant.

MyBeanieBaby · September 2012

I'm having similar issues. Except I get very upset when my mother raises her voice with my little one. If I'm there, I should be the sole person correcting my child. I am the parent. They are just family members.

My only issue is that my mom keeps telling me every single day that I need to start spanking her and that I need to make my toddler fear me... If my toddler even slightly has a tantrum she blames it on me not whipping. And saying kids never behaved so badly "back in the day"

GRRR!!!

Sorry no advice really. I just know where you are coming from.

js13524 · September 2012

I would just talk to them. Let them know that the time they spend with your son is special. And they don't always need to be disciplining him. That's our job as parents. I tell my parents that I personally don't mind if the rules get bent at Grandma's or Grandpa's (my parents are divorced) house. Spoiling babies are what Grandmas and Grandpas are for!! I mean, that should be the fun of being a grandparent. Getting to do all the fun stuff (playing and spoiling) and getting to skip all the 'not so fun' stuff (like disciplining). Aside from saying thing to keep babies safe (like: 'don't hit your sister' or 'no playing in the street'), grandparents should leave the rest to us!!

dragon_chica · September 2012

I have the opposite problem. They let my kids get away with murder. Wanna know why DS keeps banging on our laptop? Oh, it's because grandpa lets him do it. Why does DD jump on her bed? Oh, it's because grandma lets her do it.

I don't really have your problem but like pp said, you need to gently let them know that you're the parent and it's your job to discipline them. Especially since you're there they won't have to feel the need to do that and instead they can enjoy being fun grandparents.

meg1974 · September 2012

We have similar issues. The only thing I can think of is to talk to them, which I know is awkward. If it's your DH's parents, I think he should be the one to do it.