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Blended Families
Considering sending SD a Cease & Desist letter
Talk me down. I want to come UN GLUUUUUUED.
My dad says I need to ignore this and focus on DD, my job, and the divorce. He's probably right.
My last communication with SD was back in May when I told her to never contact me again. In our last direct communication she threatened our business as well as threatened to track DD down after I informed her to not ever contact me or DD ever again. Since then she has made unprovoked and extremely false, rude comments about me on facebook, texted nasty comments, threatened to call CPS, disowned H twice and hasn't talked to him since mid July, gotten married to her abusive boyfriend, and today I hear from H's family that she is saying that my sister is doing a background check on H and she is "concerned" about her father. Okay. Riiiiight. Never mind my sister has better things to do with her life, but you are now concerned about your father who you disowned right before your wedding and threatened to report to CPS and haven't talked to since. What a big crock of sh*t.
She is WHACKED. This is whacked, crazy thinking.
I have ignored every single one of her attempts to bait me and create drama. Every single one that involved me and/or H. I have moved on and I am doing my damndest to focus souly on DD, my career, my personal finances, and put my bad marriage and her and SS and all their crap behind me.
I have NOT ONCE provoked her in any way shape or form, and yet she continues. And now she is involving my family. She does NOT want to go there. When she threatened to call CPS on something absolutely ridiculous I told H if she stepped out of line again I would take legal action. He didn't try to discourage it.
SD's mom has also been calling H. He's talked to her and he recently has relayed to me that she has asked if we got divorced if I would keep DD away from him. I found it very odd she and he would be even having these conversations.
H called SD and told her to "Back off" and that if she continues, she's going to have a cop at her door and some serious legal fees fighting a lawsuit or criminal charges. ANd he's right.
She kind of admitted to him, but immediately started to say that she had tactics too that she will use if necessary. Excuse me? I'm not using any "tactics" against her. I've moved on and I am living my life and putting the crap and her as far behind me as I possibly can. H tried to tell her that I am not creating any problems and she needs to stay out of our marriage and our lives and focus on her son and the life she has made for herself.
H also told me that SD said that her mom said that H has been calling trying to get back together. Okay. That right there tells me these two BSC women are coniving. And for all I know H has been confiding in his ex. Who knows. DON'T CARE!!!
Now, I don't care if she wants to chit chat and say what she wants to say on FB and to her friends and mom, but leave my flipping family out of this!!! Why my sister has been drug into this, I don't know. My sister has not been involved AT ALL because I have kept it that way out of sheer embarrassment.
My god, next month can not come soon enough. I may be able to file for a divorce then, depending on speed of the court system on the bankruptcy. Once H signs...it's all formality and I can serve the Big D papers. Which will surely stir up a whole nother sh*tstorm of drama with SD because it's what she does, but at least I will be able to shut it out easier than with H and I still in the same home.
I'm ready to move on.
So what do I call her here after the divorce? XSD? It would really be nice not to call her any form of "daughter" anymore.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Considering sending SD a Cease & Desist letter
Also, I think a cease and desist letter might be warranted. Call the bluff. Your DH already told her if she doesn't quit she's going to be facing legal consequences, so bring on the legal consequences. It will only make your case that much stronger when you go to court and set up all the custody/visitation/"do not allow SD around my child" stuff.
that's what I'm thinking too, but my dad made the point that I could be stirring up more than I really can cope or deal with at this time. He also said that ultimately she could turn her issues on DD too and I have to remember that she is innocent in all of this.
He may be right.
And at the same time I really am sick of this. It's time someone hold her accountable and she knows that I am dead serious and I and my family are not someone to mess with. None of us did anything to deserve her abuse and I don't want to put up with it any more. Maybe if someone actually stood up to her, she'd realize she can't continue.
Then again...I have to remember she's crazy.
Wait until the bankruptcy paperwork is cleared. Dont let her screw that up (god knows how she could, but dont tempt fate).
Then wait until you serve the paperwork at you leave the house.
The VERY NEXT communication you get from her, serve her with the C&D Letter.
THIS is for YOUR protection if she or her BM or SS or any of their family call CPS on you. You have preemptively provided a legal papertrail pointing to any calls as punitive, vs true welfare related concerns.
PLUS, it helps you lay a foundation on getting a Restraining Order for you AND your DD. That RO will be applied to SD, even if DD is in H's care. So that can be used in the custody hearings as well.
But you have to do it the "right way". So just sit tight for one more month.
My divorce lawyer has written her in as having supervised visits but says he can change it anytime. He is not advising me to file a letter, and said I could do it if I want save $ and not pay him, and then if she steps out of line again, I could do just as you said Illumine and have him process going forward. He says if I give her clear and fair warning, a judge would likely consider it given her history. He's leaving it up to me because I know her best and only I know what she may do and what I want to potentially deal with.
H called his mom this morning because he also heard from SD that SS is going to move to Texas where MIL is and move in with her and work with her husband. I laughed out loud. Perfect. I KNEW he would do this. So we got more information from MIL. Both kids have been calling her crying to her about how awful I am and how their father has let them down. She says that I and H have abandoned his kids and it's not right and someone has to look out for them. What is so incredible - but not surprising - is that both of these kids wanted nothing to do with her. Now she's their next target. I'm laughing. I told H if she wants to entertain drama queens and take in jailbirds, felons, and drug users let her. More power to her. I won't do it and I do not feel bad.
H ripped into her and said he didn't want his son around the drugs there. For those that don't know, MIL is rumored to be back on drugs and H's brother who was in jail for drugs and theft is out and living with MIL too. Historically this is a bad mix. Perfect little place for SS to get back into trouble.
I'm sitting back and laughing. I'm taking dad's advice (and Illumine's) and just sitting back, grabbing a bowl of popcorn and watching the show. This will not be my mess soon and will only help my case to restrict any kind of contact with DD.
I have to protect DD from this as much as possible.
I do have to hand it to H. He's not putting up with it and he's been putting his foot down and standing his ground with everyone. Too bad it's too late.
Mel - I agree, but I am recording everything because accumulatively it's over whelming and will help when she does significantly do something that I can file a restraining order or no contact. Which I think will come.
My lawyer stated when she made the threat against our business in written form that I could have done something then. So I do have a few things that will weigh in my favor. Hell. It all does.
SD claims she has my emails to hold against me, but I did not make threats and I did not start anything. It all came from things she's stirred up and it's me clearly telling her to stop and what I'm not putting up with.
SHe in turn goes whacky and off the deep end. It will only hurt her in court and show she's unstable.
I'm not worried. I can not wait until it's all formalized and I can move on.
Does your H know this divorce is coming? Will he keep things civil, or is he going to fly off the handle?
For your sake and DD's I hope he can keep things classy, control his stupid kids, and make an honest effort to co-parent your child with you.
Thinking of you a lot.
Honestly, I don't know how he's going to react. I'm hoping it for the same.