Christians: Can you be friends with a non-believer?

dixee.deluxe · September 2012

I know the answer is yes, duh! I have Christian friends. But I don't have any friends that go to those big mega churches. Or ones that go to Church all day on Sunday.

Anyway, here's how the story goes.

DH has owned our house for 12 years. I moved in the year we met, so about 6 years ago. The house is in a pretty rough neighborhood. It's mostly made up of renters and there seems to be a high turnover (lots of Section 8, but that might not be the reason). There are some homeowners, but they are mostly old people. There is, however, one family that lives 3 houses down on the opposite side of the street who are our age. They are always playing outside with their kids. DH and I daydreamed of meeting them and being buddies and drinking beers and watching football and things neighbors do. But we are chickens and we never introduced ourselves. We suspected they were Christian because we'd overheard some stuff about Church, etc.

On Saturday, while I was at Target and DH was home with the girls, someone knocked on the door and DH ignored it thinking it was a salesperson. Turns out, it was the neighbors bringing us some mail of ours! We were bummed, but later that night, a little boy knocked on our door with cookies that his mom had baked! She wrote a note saying they wanted to meet us and this was her cheezy attempt to do so. I thanked the boy and was real nice. But it was 9pm and the kids were sleeping and I was in my jammies so we couldn't go over there.

So, I looked the mom up on FB. Lots of her "likes" are religion related. There are pics with church groups. Stuff like that.

OK, so we really want to be friends with these people, we think! But I don't know if I can hold my tongue if there's any anti-homosexual/anti-choice/etc talk that happens. But, f'real...how often does that happen in normal life?

If any of you are Church-goers as described above, how do you handle friendships with non-believers?

Tambcat · September 2012

My advice is to NOT facebook friend her. That will probably go a long way in keeping the friendship pleasant. I don't think facebook has ever made me like somebody MORE than I did before I friended them. lol

My experience is that kind of talk doesn't happen much irl unless people know the are among like-minded individuals. But it happens all the time on facebook!

gisa886 · September 2012

I'm a Christian, but I'm not antigay or antichoice so I have no real words of wisdom. If they are really following Christ they will love you and be your friend with no judgement.

Gracypug · September 2012

One of my best friends is a Christian and we have very different beliefs. This has never gotten in the way of our friendship. She never tells me what I should or shouldn't believe in and nor do I do that to her. She isn't a preachy type of person though. I would just meet and see how things go. I can't hurt right? If you guys clash you don't have to be friends!

huahualove · September 2012

I'm on the non-believer side of things, but with my friends that are Christians, we just don't bring it up and we get along fine. However, there are some people who just can't get past it so we are never more than acquaintances.

dixee.deluxe · September 2012

I FB friended her on purpose so she knew what she was dealing with! I sent her a nice message too, and she didn't respond.

TucktheTurtle · September 2012

Is it bad to admit I'm a closeted atheist? I don't offer my opinions unless I'm directly asked. As a homeschooler, in Mississippi, H wouldn't get to have too many friends if I did it any other way.

I'm aware this makes me a coward.

KatFCo · September 2012

I think a lot of it boils down to respect. We have non-Christian friends who we disagree with on certain issues, and we know they disagree with us on certain issues. We recognize each others' right to their belief. If we can talk about it respectfully, we do; otherwise we just don't have those debates. We don't force our beliefs on them and they don't force their beliefs on us. Sometimes peole just aren't compatible as friends. DH has some friends who love to go clubbing. We don't drink (not for religious reasons, we just don't like to drink), so if that's how they socialize, it's kind of hard to connect. I'd say see what happens.

dixee.deluxe · September 2012

KatFCo:
I think a lot of it boils down to respect. We have non-Christian friends who we disagree with on certain issues, and we know they disagree with us on certain issues. We recognize each others' right to their belief. If we can talk about it respectfully, we do; otherwise we just don't have those debates. We don't force our beliefs on them and they don't force their beliefs on us. Sometimes peole just aren't compatible as friends. DH has some friends who love to go clubbing. We don't drink (not for religious reasons, we just don't like to drink), so if that's how they socialize, it's kind of hard to connect. I'd say see what happens.

DH and I fall into this category, and this is our #1 worry! If we have a BBQ or watch a football game, there will be beer/wine. I fear that if we are drinking (not getting hammered or anything) in front of their kids, that could be a problem.

I DID see one of her pics was her with a glass of wine!

CPhillz · September 2012

I agree with pp. As for the drinking thing, neither DH or I drink, and our (his) family doesn't either, but we have friends that do, and my family does. Doesn't bother us! If we're hanging out with my family, we just drink water/pop while they have a beer or wine. Its fine as long as their not bugging us about drinking, or vice versa (telling them not to drink). I really hope you guys can become friends - DH and I hardly have ANY friends that aren't some kind of family.. I'd love to have neighbor friends to hang out with!!

KatFCo · September 2012

dixee.deluxe:
KatFCo:
I think a lot of it boils down to respect. We have non-Christian friends who we disagree with on certain issues, and we know they disagree with us on certain issues. We recognize each others' right to their belief. If we can talk about it respectfully, we do; otherwise we just don't have those debates. We don't force our beliefs on them and they don't force their beliefs on us. Sometimes peole just aren't compatible as friends. DH has some friends who love to go clubbing. We don't drink (not for religious reasons, we just don't like to drink), so if that's how they socialize, it's kind of hard to connect. I'd say see what happens.

DH and I fall into this category, and this is our #1 worry! If we have a BBQ or watch a football game, there will be beer/wine. I fear that if we are drinking (not getting hammered or anything) in front of their kids, that could be a problem.

I DID see one of her pics was her with a glass of wine!

For some reason I can't do bold or any formatting in my replies (which is why this is one big block of text), but for many Christians, the getting hammered part is the main thing that would be off-putting. I think there is a difference between "drinking while socializing" and "drinking to socialize"--where alcohol is the main event, so to speak. We're fine with people drinking around us, but we don't want to feel pressured to drink. Since that's not what you intend and you've seen a picture of her with a glass of wine, that probably wouldn't be a dealbreaker.

Patella1129 · September 2012

I think you should reach out to them. It sounds like you both could use some social connections. DH and I have plenty of non-Christian family and friends. We have different stances on hot-button issues like you mentioned but that doesn't mean we don't like each other.

Also, I wouldn't worry about things like the alcohol until you for sure know it will be a problem. Not all Christians are the Duggars DH and I drink alcohol, I wear pants, and I'm actually kind of a Democrat Just like all non-Christians can't be painted with the same brush, neither can all Christians.

dixee.deluxe · September 2012

Patella1129:

I think you should reach out to them. It sounds like you both could use some social connections. DH and I have plenty of non-Christian family and friends. We have different stances on hot-button issues like you mentioned but that doesn't mean we don't like each other.

Also, I wouldn't worry about things like the alcohol until you for sure know it will be a problem. Not all Christians are the Duggars DH and I drink alcohol, I wear pants, and I'm actually kind of a Democrat Just like all non-Christians can't be painted with the same brush, neither can all Christians.

I wear pants...made me laugh Embarrassed

mrs+harlow · September 2012

I have lots of friends that believe in either a different religion or no religion at all. I think it works when there is a mutual respect and understanding thing that goes both ways. It's possible to have discussions about things and not get mad or feel like the other party is saying you are wrong. Sometimes, you just have to agree to disagree. I think if I only had friends that believing and thought exactly as I do, life would be a bit boring.

FusionLMT · September 2012

yeah, most of my friends are Christians of some sort, hard to get away from in Texas. We just don't bring it up, and if someone asks me I say that I am not religious and that is the end of the conversation. My MIL and SIL are extremely religious as well, and I get along with them great. As long as someone isn't trying to convert me, then I have no issues with being friends.

DinabethL · September 2012

I have a lot of friends that don't believe what I believe, and that is ok. I try to influence them, but it is their choice how they want to live. I make what I believe known, but I don't bring it up all the time. Kind of a one and done type of deal. I would definitely befriend them. I would hold off on the facebook friends though. Give them a chance before you write them off.

rxbeth · September 2012

KatFCo:
I think a lot of it boils down to respect. We have non-Christian friends who we disagree with on certain issues, and we know they disagree with us on certain issues. We recognize each others' right to their belief. If we can talk about it respectfully, we do; otherwise we just don't have those debates. We don't force our beliefs on them and they don't force their beliefs on us. Sometimes peole just aren't compatible as friends. DH has some friends who love to go clubbing. We don't drink (not for religious reasons, we just don't like to drink), so if that's how they socialize, it's kind of hard to connect. I'd say see what happens.

Pretty much this except we will have drinks.

Tambcat · September 2012

Sorry, just had to post this...

lol

laurack · September 2012

I don't have any friends that are super religious. A lot of family/friends back home in ireland are "vaguely religious", but I rarely or never find myself in a religion focused discussion.

I wouldn't stop liking someone if I found out they were religious nor would I purposefully not become friends with a religious person. But having met + hung out, if "god" discussions began to happen I'd probably back away from the friendship. I'm just not interested in talking to religious people about their beliefs and why I don't share them or never will.

We became friends with a couple who are vegan. Like religiousness this is something that sort of weirds me out, means when they come over I have to plan accordingly, we can't go to regular restaurants. However it is still ok, I like who they are in general and they don't try to make me become a vegan. So I guess if I had friends who were like this with their religion I would be ok with it.

Good luck making friends! I am terrible at friend making, hubby and I don't know anyone in our neighbourhood hardly!

laf10 · September 2012

TucktheTurtle:
Is it bad to admit I'm a closeted atheist? I don't offer my opinions unless I'm directly asked. As a homeschooler, in Mississippi, H wouldn't get to have too many friends if I did it any other way.
I'm aware this makes me a coward.

I don't blame you at all. I would consider myself Christian now, but I was agnostic for several years. I still don't attend church or do much as far as religion goes, and I live in the bible belt and work with and am friends with some very by-the-book Christians. I never argue with them. My closest friend knows I support gay people, and I know she doesn't. We just don't talk about it. If I'm in a group and something I don't agree with is brought up, I don't go against them, but I don't lie and agree with them either. I'm not confrontational at all, and I'm definitely in the minority with my opinions in this area.

kkfeb04 · September 2012

Not all Christians are non-drinkers. Jesus DID turn water into wine....just farting.

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