Disappointed in Sister in law-vent — The Bump
March 2012 Moms

Disappointed in Sister in law-vent

I just wanted to vent a bit about my SIL.......who is DH's only sister (twin sister). I am so disappointed in her.  While I pregnant, around Christmas, she wrote a very rude e-mail to family...she has a lot of issues with the family that go way deeper than I would ever want to try and understand BUT in her e-mail she was very rude to me, when she described as her brother's partner. I was hurt my this, I have been apart of family for 7years and thought her and I were close. I confronted her about it, she apologize and said how excited she was to becoming an aunt, and wanted to be a big part of Jonathan's life; and I said yes that's what we wanted to, and we should out unnecessary drama behind us.

Jonathan is 6 months on sat, and she has seen him a total of 4 times. A part of me is saying I shouldn't care, because we have a HUGE family and Jonathan has lots of people who love and adore him! But the other part is so disappointed in her! She's been using the excuse the her being a full time student in grad school has kept her from not having any time....and i just don't think that is a good enough excuse, because I know many people getting their masters, working full time and still seeing family. She never calls or text asking how he is doing. She never calls to try and make plans to see him. It is just so sad to me! DH and I sent her a message congratulating her on finishing school and graduating..and she replied THANKS! that's IT...no how are you guys, how Jonathan doing NOTHING!

Sometimes I just want to lash out at her! Especially when I see her post on FB that she's is out partying, or spending time with her friends kids....but her nephew doesn't exist! and other times I don't think I should waste my breathe. DH is very mad at her as well, and neither of us know how to handle this. Just so disappointing and sad! Baptism is coming up, and I dont even want her there. Jonathan is a great kid and so much fun..I don't understand why she is being like this!

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Re: Disappointed in Sister in law-vent

  • I'm sorry I think I can definitely relate this one. I only have a brother who is married and his wife is expecting their first in December. I think your SIL and mine are just self centered and if it's not about them they can't be bothered. Two trying to get someone like this to care will never happen. My SIL had a miscarriage last May at 6 weeks and decided that november she couldn't be around anyone who was pregnant so she didn't go to christmas, my shower or show up when I was on bedrest for 5 weeks after ending up in the hospital. Then I had the baby and she was pregnant and she like yours has only been around my son mabye 4 times and the first time she met him she said she couldn't be around him although she was pregnant at the time. So I think I have realized some people suck and we have to do our best to not let their actions affect us and have zero expectations so you don't get hurt.

    Married: 5/09 ~ TTC Since: 10/10 ~ PCOS ~ Progesterone from 10/10 - 2/11 ~ HSG on 3/18 - Clear ~ Started Metformin 1000mg & Clomid 50mg 2/11 ~ Metformin upped to 1500mg 4/6 ~ 6/7 Now going to SG and put on Clomid, Ovidrel, Gonal F, Prometrium, Estrace ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP!!!!!! March 6th our little man was born. 

    6/17/13 - Ovidrel, Follistim, Prometrium ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP! March 17th our St. Pattys day baby arrived

    10/29/17 - Started process for IVF, got pregnant & miscarried a 2nd time since summer. 2/22 started stims - Menopur, Gonal F, Cetrotide - retrieval 3/6 - , PIO, estrace 3xday - FET 4/18 = Beta 1: 616; Beta 2: 1342 = BFP 

  • that totally sucks! i never understood self-centered people...they drive me insane! their dad has been cancer free for two years but he goes for regular check ups...when I talked to him the other day, I asked him how his appointment was, he said went well, and then he said she called and all she talked about was her her her never asked how he was feeling! So I guess if she doesn't show any interest in her own father...you are right I should have zero expectations for her to come around with DS.

    The only thing that drives me MAD..is the very last time we saw her was for FIL bday back in June...and she was telling EVERYONE at the party how she was baby crazy for Jonathan and just loves him so much....her fakeness drives me INSANE! I think if I did lash out on her it will be because she is acting fake in front of people about how great of aunt she is...when she's not!

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  • To not ask about her father is terrible. But you said it..I wouldn't talk her up anymore unless she really gives you good reason to. My sil right now does not have any family members throwing a shower for her due to purposely avoiding my cousin and myself our entire pregnancy. But not it's about her so she expects people to care when everyone is fed up.

    Married: 5/09 ~ TTC Since: 10/10 ~ PCOS ~ Progesterone from 10/10 - 2/11 ~ HSG on 3/18 - Clear ~ Started Metformin 1000mg & Clomid 50mg 2/11 ~ Metformin upped to 1500mg 4/6 ~ 6/7 Now going to SG and put on Clomid, Ovidrel, Gonal F, Prometrium, Estrace ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP!!!!!! March 6th our little man was born. 

    6/17/13 - Ovidrel, Follistim, Prometrium ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP! March 17th our St. Pattys day baby arrived

    10/29/17 - Started process for IVF, got pregnant & miscarried a 2nd time since summer. 2/22 started stims - Menopur, Gonal F, Cetrotide - retrieval 3/6 - , PIO, estrace 3xday - FET 4/18 = Beta 1: 616; Beta 2: 1342 = BFP 

  •   gotta love family... which might explain why I will be seeing my mom for the first time in 23 years  for Christmas... and last week at the IL's... lil man was in FIL's office and fussing.. BIL gets up of fthe sofa in the front room and closes the door so he could watch TV.. he has spoken directly to our son once and he is almost 6 months old. 

    We knew it would be like this... BIL is mildly autistic and does not like kids..specially crying ones.. but kids in general lol.  He doesn't mean any harm but he doesnt have the same social skills or boundaries as most people... a month or so ago he walked into FIL's office while I was breast feeding and sat down to use his dads computer.. I told him ..dude you do realise I am feeding the baby.. he just mutters.. oh didn't notice and continued surfing the net lol.... too frickin funny.

    Don't take it personally.. the only people that matter are you and DH and the kids..everyone else is just icing on the cake.  My way of thinking is  family members like that are no big loss.. one less gift under the tree wont hurt your lo and they don't need that kind of adult influence around them when they are growing up anyway.

    My DH has an aunt who still hasnt seen our son..and I could give a @#@# if she never does.  He has another who saw him for the first time last week and nearly got her head ripped off her shoulders when she went to take my son off FIL because he was crying... right there beside me she reached for him like I wasn't there..oh I think not m'dear. I have seen the results of  her child rearing skills, so when she gives me parenting advice.... I have to bite my tongue not to laugh. At the very least she should have asked if it was ok to hold him... he had never seen her before and he hadnt even really seen her up to that point that day...so to him she is a total stranger.

    Family... *rolleyes
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  • WipzI remember you writing about your family before. Just goes to show we all got issues with our families and like you said no big loss. If I could I would cut my inlaws out as well. But until then we just haven't made plans with any of these crummy people in our lives. We want to spend our time with people that care to be around us and love us for us. Everyone else..can eat it :)

    Married: 5/09 ~ TTC Since: 10/10 ~ PCOS ~ Progesterone from 10/10 - 2/11 ~ HSG on 3/18 - Clear ~ Started Metformin 1000mg & Clomid 50mg 2/11 ~ Metformin upped to 1500mg 4/6 ~ 6/7 Now going to SG and put on Clomid, Ovidrel, Gonal F, Prometrium, Estrace ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP!!!!!! March 6th our little man was born. 

    6/17/13 - Ovidrel, Follistim, Prometrium ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP! March 17th our St. Pattys day baby arrived

    10/29/17 - Started process for IVF, got pregnant & miscarried a 2nd time since summer. 2/22 started stims - Menopur, Gonal F, Cetrotide - retrieval 3/6 - , PIO, estrace 3xday - FET 4/18 = Beta 1: 616; Beta 2: 1342 = BFP 

  • Aw, I'm sorry :( 

    DH's sister is almost the same.... She was really excited to be an aunt while I was pregnant, but even though she and her husband only live a few minutes away, she has still only seen DD a handful of times. And it's always been at the IL's house, or at their house... she's never gone out of her way to see DD. I know she's busy, and that she doesn't have an obligation to see DD or anything... but it's still hurtful that she isn't more interested. 

    Last week a bunch of our friends met up, and SIL was there. She took DD who started to cry right away (dealing with some separation anxiety), and a friend asked if DD is always like that with her. SIL said, "No! Not usually!" and I just rolled my eyes - There is no "usual", that was only her 4th time holding DD since she was born. 


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  • image joyfullyfound:

    Aw, I'm sorry :( 

    DH's sister is almost the same.... She was really excited to be an aunt while I was pregnant, but even though she and her husband only live a few minutes away, she has still only seen DD a handful of times. And it's always been at the IL's house, or at their house... she's never gone out of her way to see DD. I know she's busy, and that she doesn't have an obligation to see DD or anything... but it's still hurtful that she isn't more interested. 

    Last week a bunch of our friends met up, and SIL was there. She took DD who started to cry right away (dealing with some separation anxiety), and a friend asked if DD is always like that with her. SIL said, "No! Not usually!" and I just rolled my eyes - There is no "usual", that was only her 4th time holding DD since she was born. 

    that is annoying! I try really hard not to let her bother me. DH has had a lot of issues with her and over the years they have tried to forget things and be cool with each other. But she is a very selfish person and DH calls her out on it all the time...so at this point he is done with her and doesn't want to waste any more time trying to get her to be involved with the family. and I agree with him. I think it's sad she is so self-centered that family does not matter to her.

    It really gets on my nerves when she tries to act like shes baby expert and Aunt of the year in front of people. But I told DH I am not going to let her upset anymore..she will never change..and she is just missing out and that's her own fault!

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  • image MariJ1008:

    that totally sucks! i never understood self-centered people...they drive me insane! their dad has been cancer free for two years but he goes for regular check ups...when I talked to him the other day, I asked him how his appointment was, he said went well, and then he said she called and all she talked about was her her her never asked how he was feeling! So I guess if she doesn't show any interest in her own father...you are right I should have zero expectations for her to come around with DS.

    The only thing that drives me MAD..is the very last time we saw her was for FIL bday back in June...and she was telling EVERYONE at the party how she was baby crazy for Jonathan and just loves him so much....her fakeness drives me INSANE! I think if I did lash out on her it will be because she is acting fake in front of people about how great of aunt she is...when she's not!

    ^this reminds me of my aunt. My grandma has had cancer for 2 years and isn't doing great at all. My mom and I live 19hours away (She's in TX. We're in WI.) So we don't get to see her often and can't just go visit whenever. My aunt lives 3 hours. I know it's still a little drive but that is what SO and I make weekends to go visit family around here. And she can't even make that drive to go see her mom who is most likely not going to make it. My mom, dad, bro, Isaac and I all drove down when Isaac was 2 months old to go see her. A 19 hour drive with a 2 month old wasn't easy but to go see her was worth it. It makes me sick my aunt won't go see her. She never calls her mom, never asks how she is doing. It took my grandma 2 months to get a hold of my aunt just to tell her she had cancer. My aunt never cared to call and ask how I was doing while I was pregnant or never calls to ask how Isaac is. She only cares about herself. Then when something goes wrong in life (like after her mom FINALLY got a hold of her to tell her she had cancer) my aunt goes on facebook all "woe is me" and tries to get everybody to feel bad for her. I hate it.

    Sorry your SIL is being that way. It sucks. Selfish people need to get real and understand life isn't only about them. There is so much more going on in life.

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  • My sister in laws are a lot like this. My son is 2.5 and they've probably seen him about 10 times.  Only family holidays and the boys' baptisms.  Never hey, can I come visit/can you come visit, I miss my nephews.  When he was first born, one didn't even bother to come meet him, she just waited until we came to her mom's house for Christmas when he was already a month old.  (This is the first nephew/niece for both of them).  They are only 2 hours away.  Neither of them even came to his first birthday party.  One of them never even bothered to rsvp one way or the other, and that same day put as her facebook status "just sitting around and decorating our tree" so it's not as if she had to work or was sick etc.  I didn't even bother to invite them to his 2nd and THEN they were mad.

    One is always posting on facebook about going out drink but is so busy.  The other posted twice articles about how kids should not be allowed in public places and on the 2nd time I sent her a pm and let her have it about how she has a wonderful nephew and it's too bad she doesn't appreciate that.  I chalk it up to 1) They are self centered and 2) They come from a family where their mom didn't get along with their dad's side of the family, so they didn't grow up having their aunts and uncles as a big part of their lives so they don't know how to be aunts.  I'm so thankful that they are not my boys only aunts, and my sister makes up their shortcomings being the doting aunt that visits every other weekend, is always buying and making things for them, and wouldn't miss one of their events.

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  • I can absolutely relate, OP.  My SIL is very selfish.  In the beginning, she said she was all excited and she couldn't wait to be an aunt yadda yadda yadda.  She NEVER asks about Olivia.  She has come over four times to see her at our house since March (twice for less than a half hour).  She has asked to come over a couple of other times, but she either didn't show up at all, or she wanted to come after 8:30, when Olivia was already in bed.

    She *somehow* manages to see her boyfriend and to go out with her friends but can't seem to find the time to see her niece.  It's sad, really.  Olivia doesn't know her.  If you read my MIL rant on the 3-6 month board, you'll hear all about my "wonderful" Saturday night and to that end, I will add that when we left the restaurant, SIL's bf gave me a hug and a kiss and kissed Olivia good-bye - SIL waved at us from the car.  I wanted to scream "Kiss your f*cking niece, you assh0le!"

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  • It is so sad and frustrating to me! I am trying so hard not to care, because she is the only one that has no interest in him. We have such a big family and great friends, so Jonathan has so many people around him that love and adore him; SO this one SELFISH PERSON shouldn't matter.  Last night I was uploading a bunch of pictures from my camera, and I had pictures on there for FIL birthday back in June, and couple picture of SIL and DS...and it made me so sad that June was the last time she saw him, and it's September and she has never called or texted or sent a FB message asking how he is doing or to come visit. Sunday is DS Baptism, and I am going to see how she acts...but I have warned DH, if she acts fake and starts telling people how she is baby crazy for Jonathan, I am going to confront her! If she acts uninterested, then that will show me she doesn't care at all about her nephew, and I will stop caring about her.

    I am really interested to see how Sunday is going to be! =)

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  • I don't know if I should say I'm hoping she's nice to you or not - it seems to me like she needs a good telling off (but I'm feeling confrontational after my weekend).  It'll be a special day for you and your DH (and Jonathan) so I guess I'm hoping she shows up and behaves herself so you don't have to remember his baptism day as "the day Mommy told Aunt Whoever to grow feathers and *** in a tree"

    I hate to sound like one of "those" moms, but when/if your SIL has a child, maybe she'll realize how truly special and amazing babies are and she might reflect on how she hasn't bonded with her brother's child. 

     

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  • image 526SadieSadie:

    I don't know if I should say I'm hoping she's nice to you or not - it seems to me like she needs a good telling off (but I'm feeling confrontational after my weekend).  It'll be a special day for you and your DH (and Jonathan) so I guess I'm hoping she shows up and behaves herself so you don't have to remember his baptism day as "the day Mommy told Aunt Whoever to grow feathers and *** in a tree"

    I hate to sound like one of "those" moms, but when/if your SIL has a child, maybe she'll realize how truly special and amazing babies are and she might reflect on how she hasn't bonded with her brother's child. 

     

    I don't think I will say anything to her on Sunday..just because the entire family will be there, and like you said, I want it to be a fun memorable day for Jonathan and us. But I think after Sunday, I will definitely say something to her.

    And I honestly I don't think she will ever have children, she is way to selfish for that. I know her SO wants kids, but she says not yet..but I really don't think it will ever happen.

    I guess the main reason why this is hurting my feelings is because she and I were close, we were friends....I was planning our wedding before we got pregnant and I asked her to be one of my bridesmaids; and after our many conversations, nights out, lunch dates, about how she is so excited to be an aunt, and I was excited to do things with her and jonathan...it really makes me sad that she has completely changed and acting so selfish.  I have definitely lost touch with some friends after I had baby, because they go out clubbing every week and I don't anymore, or we just don't have much in common anymore, and I understand that happens, I understand as people grow and change you loose people along the way...but it's hurtful that SIL is one of those people..I was not expecting that at all. If it was anyone else, I wouldn't waste my time..for example friends who didn't even call me after I had csection, or ever some see my son...I don't waste my time and I don't talk to them anymore....but with SIL it is really hurting my feelings and I think I have every right to say something to her, I will at the right moment, I guess. Or I maybe I will loose my cool and just go off on Sunday..LOL..let you know.

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