For those who have had a VBAC
I didn't see any recent posts about this, so I'm not sure if it's come up. I tried googling, but I read so many ridiculous things and got such a wide range of answers, it's seems like it's all down to personal experience..
But I was wondering how the vag/sex is after a VBAC if it's different than after a first-time natural birth. I had an emergency c-section, so I was laboring and contracting and all that good stuff but never got to the pushing her out part because she never dropped. I would REALLY like to try for a VBAC (my next appointment is next thursday so I'd like to talk to my ob/gyn about it), but me and my FI are a little worried about the stretched-outness of things afterwards.
I feel like it's kinda selfish of him to want me to just have the repeat c-section, but I also feel kind of selfish to push for the VBAC and try to experience what I couldn't with my daughter. I know the outcome should be a healthy mama and baby, but I can't help but think about the condition of "down below" afterwards. I think I'm pretty informed about things, but there's only so much you can gloss over from google. I guess I just want some more personal stories on the topic.
Re: For those who have had a VBAC
It's definitely different for everyone. I tore during my VBAC and of course was afraid fo sex for a couple of months. The first couple of times didn't feel that great while we got back into the swing of things but now everything is fine. DH doesn't feel a difference and it feels the same to me also.
It took me longer to get back to sex after my c/s because I was so afraid of anyone going near my incision since it got infectect.
Also, perhaps remind your FI that you are three times more likely to die during a c/s and then ask him if that is a risk he is willing to take to preserve his current sexual status? I am thinking he'll see it differently if he gets the facts of both;-)
But the short answer to your question is it is different for everyone.
I think we need to get past the idea as a society that a mother who has her own wishes is being selfish. Wanting to NOT have surgery is not selfish.
A VBAC is comparable to any other first vaginal birth in terms of the risks of vaginal tears or problems with sex. A vagina is a muscular structure--it is designed to change size to accomodate both a baby and a penis. Ina May Gaskin makes a good point in one of her books that no one is shocked when a penis can change size and then go back to normal, but we don't trust that vaginas can do the same thing. Yes, sometimes women have bad tears or other issues from vaginal birth, and that is a risk you have to weigh when considering VBAC. But I also think it is worth asking yourself whether, if this were your first delivery and you'd never had a c/s before, you would be considering a c/s just because you didn't want to get "stretched out?" Or would there be other reasons you would consider a c/s as well?
And FWIW everything is fine in that department for me, although it did take some time after my VBAC to get back to normal. But it actually took time to get back to normal after my c/s too, and I think a lot of it had to do with breastfeeding and postpartum hormones, as much as with how I delivered.
HTH!
It's not kinda selfish, it IS selfish of your DH to ask you to have a RCS. It's not selfish to want a VBAC.
Millions upon millions of women have totally decent sex lives after vaginal births. Having a vaginal birth doesn't usually mess up anything, sex-wise.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)