Respite Care

jmoka7 · September 2012

I got an email about doing respite care this weekend. I decided to go for it so I can get my feet wet, lol. It's for two little boys age 3 and 4. I'm looking foward to it since it's my first placement even though it's just for the weekend. No sleeping in for me, lol. Any advice you could give me would be much appreciated!

MayDayGirl · September 2012

expect not to get much done (not that you can't with kids, but with new kids, especially when you aren't use to having kids in the house... it's different

Good luck! Have fun!

srmmm09 · September 2012

It might be good to have an "emergency" fun kit, in case things go sideways at some point(s).

Foster1Mom · September 2012

That is great. I hope you have a good time. I would make sure I had some ideas on things to do. Just think you will sleep like a rock when they go down for the night.

elissaann26 · September 2012

Our first placement was for respite care. If you want to read the details, they are here.

1- Remember that your goal is to just make it through the weekend. This means that you might have to adopt parenting practices that you don't agree with. For example, Carrots (1 year old boy) was used to drinking an entire bottle of juice before going to bed. And then around 2am, he drank another bottle of juice. I STRONGLY disagree with this practice. But it isn't fair to the child to try to change this over a weekend when they will be going back to an environment where it will continue. It is HARD to do something you disagree with, but sometimes it is necessary to survive.

2- Have tentative plans. If the kids seem like they would be up for going to the park, then go! Maybe have a few playdates available. We ended up going to a birthday party on Saturday morning, then having a long nap, then going to a neighborhood block party. We figured we would try all of it and if they started melting down we would just go back home. Sunday we decided to go to the park for a playdate and hit up McDonald's for lunch (special treat for behaving).

3- Have extra clothes. The children we watched did not come with many clothes. Peas actually didn't bring any pajamas. And within 10 minutes of wearing his pajamas, Carrots spilled juice all over them. So I would strongly recommend having a few outfits ready to go.

4- Keep them busy and going if possible. This will tire them out and making night time MUCH easier. If night time isn't going well, put the kids in the car and drive until they are asleep. DH spent over 5 hours in 2 days driving Carrots around. It was just easier than figuring out how to get him to sleep.

5- Talk to your SW about what information you need to have. We only had the children's first name and age. We found out after the fact that we should always have a child's full name and date of birth before they are in our home. And we are also privy to some general details about their case.

6- I hate that I have to say this but I would strongly suggest trying to not leave the children alone with one adult. This was a recommendation given to us after the fact. This is super hard to actually do, but since the children are with you for such a short period of time you don't want any room for accusations. We haven't been in this situation, but thinking back we would have changed how we did a few things with Peas and Carrots to just CYA (cover your @ss). For example, if we did have to leave the children alone with one adult, we would make sure we were playing in the yard so that others could have observed our conduct. Again, if your heart is in the right place this shouldn't be an issue. But you never know, so it is better to at least give it a thought.

7- Try to talk to any friends/family that you might encounter during your weekend to make sure they know not to question the children about their background/why they are in care. When we had to explain to children why we all the sudden had little ones in our home we just said that they were visiting. Most adults were very receptive to respecting their privacy. But we had a few who responded to us "I can't ask xyz or abc?" "No you can't. That really isn't any of your business". And we also had to intervene in a few conversations where the questions to the children got a little too invasive- stupid people. Just something to be aware of!

That is all I can think of for now! GL! It is a wonderful way to get your feet wet! We were really happy that we had the respite care experience before accepting our first long-term placement.

DaisyZH · September 2012

Love PPs advice, all great information Smile I don't have any personal experience yet but just wanted to say good luck, have fun and let us know how everything goes!!

jmoka7 · September 2012

Thank you so much! Such great ideas! I already know I'm going to be exhausted, lol! I plan on taking them to feed the ducks and play on the playground on Saturday and I already have meals planned out. Thanks for the advice, I'll update with my experience!

morgan2B · September 2012

How's it going or how did it go? We got our feet wet for a whole year by doing respite and really appreciated the experiences! We were able to see what we could handle, which ages we preferred, meet new kids and foster parents, etc.

jmoka7 · September 2012

Thanks for asking! It is going so great! I'm a single foster mom, so I was a little worried about being super tired and keeping them both safe when we went out. I'm not sure if the boys are just a fluke, but they really are great and so very well behave. Today we went to the park, played on the playground, feed the ducks, went to a store, and chilled at home the rest of the day. Dinner time, bath time, and bed time have all gone without any hiccups. Well, except last night when it took them almost an hour to fall asleep because they wanted my dog to sleep in the bed with them, lol. This experience really has been great and it cleared any nerves I had about how things will go when I have my first permanent placement. There's more details about the first day in my blog if you're interested. Have you adopted through foster care yet or still just fostering?

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