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bullying?

kmhunt11kmhunt11 member
in Pre-School and Daycare
DD had a bit of a tumultuous relationship with her BFF toward the end of the year last year. She came home almost every day saying "A. wouldn't play with me." or "A. wasn't nice to me."  I'd ask her and it seemed like it was catty girl stuff.  She's in a multi-age classroom, and that stuff is common for kindergarteners.  I would always say there are always other nice kids to play with, and to just find someone else if A. wasn't being a good friend.  I'd also give her suggestions of other kids I knew were always super-friendly.  This year, I switched her to a different class mostly because I didn't feel her teacher was a good fit, but also to get some distance from the BFF, whose mother is a nightmare and drives me nuts.  At the BFF's bday party during the summer, the little girl's grandma introduced my daughter as A's "frenemy".  While that was inappropriate, it led me to believe that my daughter might be dishing out some of the nastiness as well.  There's only so many talks we can give.  When we send them out into the world (even the preschool world!) they have to figure things out as they can.  Well, they still play together at recess and the "A won't play with me" crap has started again- today was the 2nd day of school!  Is this bullying?  Should I continue to talk to her about the right way to handle it and let her figure it out, or should I talk to her teacher?  I always err on the side of letting kids figure it out- I am a Montessori teacher!  It's just hard to gauge when it's your own kid and you only get one 4 year old's side of the story.  
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Re: bullying?

  • mrsseguinmrsseguin member
    It is not bullying.  Encourage your DD to play with other kids who want to play with her.
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  • jlw2505jlw2505 member
    This has nothing to do with bullying and has everything to do with kids being kids.  Kids at this age love someone one day and hate them the next and are BFF"s the next.  Kids are kids.  I would talk to your DD about being nice and that if she doesn't have anything nice to say to this kid, then don't say anything at all and leave it at that.  You could ask the teacher to pay attention to what is going on between the girls and to give you more insight to make sure you are addressing it with your DD correctly and ask the teachers what they have noticed but I would not take this any further.  Bullying is being picked on and this does not sound like that at all. 
    Jenni Mom to DD#1 - 6-16-06 DD#2 - 3-13-08 
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  • AZ123AZ123 member

    If she says A doesn't want to play with her, then ask her "So who did you play with?"

    Their recesses aren't that long and so long as your daughter doesn't seem upset by it, I'd let it go. There's lots of that "i don't want to play with you." "you're not my friend" junk going on and most of it is ignorable. If you make it into a big deal, your DD might feed off of that.

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  • ridesbuttonsridesbuttons member

    imagefredalina:
    Honestly I'm getting pretty sick of the word "bully" getting attached to preschoolers on the Bump!

     Girls not liking each other or refusing to play with each other is not bullying. (Do you really want a world where kids feel like they HAVE to play with someone or else be labeled a bully? Do they really not get to have their own preferences for friends?)

    Boys making fun of each other a little isn't bullying either; however when it goes from good natured to downright mean and targeted to one individual, that's when it becomes bullying.

    I agree with this completely.  It runs into real life as well when I hear friends complaining about their kid being 'bullied' by being left out of activities other kids are doing together.

    Life involves certain struggles and that includes social struggles that begin at an early age.  Kids get to choose their friends.  Forcing 'friendships' is not only impossible, it is harmful in the bigger picture and scheme of things.

    There will be tears in life.  There will be hurt feelings.  It is part of the life experience.  Hard to witness as a parent but necessary in order to grow.

    promised myself I'd retire when I turned gold, and yet here I am
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