So early on and already frustrated...

dandj4646 · September 2012

It's been about two weeks since we are officially active with our search and we haven't received contacts. i know it's super early on and I'm being impatient; I guess I am just trying to reach out to find some encouragement with this process. We are so excited about adopting and just want to feel like we are moving forward. We are on abcadoption.com, adoptionready.com, and adoptiononline.com in addition to handing out our own personal cards to everyone we meet and know and spreading the word whenever we have the chance. We are also working with a lawyer who will be putting out an advertisement in several newspapers. Lastly, we will do either Google or Facebook Ads (if anyone has a recommendation as to which is better I am all ears). Are we missing something? I just want to make sure I am doing everything possible to make this work.

silliestbunny · September 2012

Welcome

Keep in mind that wait times can vary from a few days to two years. I've never seen an average wait time that shows the combined agency and independent adoptions... but I would guess it would be more than six months.

If you can (and I know it's hard) try to find something new to take some of your wait time anxiety away I took up knitting while we waited. I took classes and read books.

The journey is completely unpredicatable and it often includes some major bumps and even redirection....

Hang in there

crene84 · September 2012

It is very early and I can't exactly relate. We were super lucky as we were contacted within 6 hours of activating our profile, and we've continued to get a fairly steady stream of contacts (plus we're officially matched with a BM due in less than 2 weeks!). But we are using parentprofiles.com and we paid extra to do "extreme exposure." If the costs are comparable and a few months go by without hearing anything, maybe check out parentprofiles? I think even people that didn't pay for extreme exposure get decent contact from there. Fingers crossed that you find your match soon!

JellyTwoPointO · September 2012

I don't have experience with this yet, and I don't know how much I will since we're going foster route, but I just wanted to say good luck. Also, I can empathize with feelings of impatience and anxiousness when you're so excited and ready for something to happen. I hope you can find ways to keep preparing and stay busy while youre waiting for your perfect match!

lafayettegirl · September 2012

Welcome to the lovely world I like to call, "Excited to adopt, now wait...wait...wait...and more wait."

I wish I could give you some better advice than what was already said, but there isn't much more than find things to occupy your time. There are plenty of ladies on here who matched immediately and plenty who did not. There is no rhyme or reason to when it happens.

We've tried to carry on as normal. We did put together a nursery - it isn't totally done, but it has a crib and a changing table and curtains. We've worked on the house, worked in the garden. I've organized all my adoption paperwork and put it on a disk as well.

After 6 months of waiting, we began to branch out our search by connecting with agencies outside of our own state, and things have begun to pick up a little. We are now in the process of putting together what we affectionately call our "Go bag" - a diaper bag of essentials, should we need to hop on a plane ASAP. (We almost had a match like that, then it fell through. Then our friends got matched like that, so we feel the need to have that bag prepped.)

Find something fun that you want to do because you need to take care of yourselves - mentally and physically. If your wait is a long one, it does take a toll on you, your spouse, and your relationships with others. Do the things that you won't necessarily be able to do often once Baby arrives - movies, dinner out, time with friends, travel, whatever.

An if you are religious, pray. Pray for the right child at the right time, and patience through the wait. Sometimes prayer is the only thing that holds it all together in our house. The wait is emotional and it sucks, but I've been told, and I truly believe, the child the comes home to you is totally worth it!!!

Good luck and remember that we are always here on the board when you need us.

dandj4646 · September 2012

I am definitely trying to keep myself busy and know I need to be patient. I am looking into parentprofiles as we speak and think I'm going to add it to our outreach.I have to hope that our baby finds us sooner rather than later.

dandj4646 · September 2012

Just found out that parentprofiles does not work with families in the state of NJ. It seems this happens quite a bit. If anyone has any other suggestions of websites that have a good response let me know.

Dr.Loretta · September 2012

Our profile was shown within our agency 3x in the first 6 weeks, but our SW said it was very, very unusual to have that much activity. Sometime syou have to take the attitude that your child is out there, and he/she may not be ready to meet you yet.

IRR · September 2012

I recommend Goggle over FB. We did both, but FB had a 100% bounce rate even though we had good "hits" and we stopped after two weeks. Suggestions on Google, make sure you put some exception words in there like pets, cats and dogs, since our first week we were getting hits on all sorts of adoptions. GL and welcome to the board.

elissaann26 · September 2012

I don't really have any useful advice, except hang in there! And feel free to vent here. There are plenty of ladies here that completely understand what you are going through!

erinmc1 · September 2012

We're nearing the 10 month mark, and believe it or not, we're getting less anxious as time goes by and we get used to waiting. It's kind of depressing, as it's not the sort of thing you want to get used to, but we've had our profile shown 4 times, and all 4, we were not selected. That portion of the wait, when the birth family is reviewing profiles, is WAY more stressful than the general wait. I've felt like I was jumping out of my skin for 3 full weeks a couple times, because that's how long it took the birth family to decide.

I don't really have any fantastic advice, except that what you're feeling is normal, and there's no way to fully relieve the anxiety and nerves. I cross-stitched a blanket and our nursery has been ready since Feb.

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So early on and already frustrated...

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