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October 2012 Moms
pb_bride
member
Anyone's parents or ILs not get your LO a gift?
pb_bride
member
FTM here and LO will be the first grandchild for both sides of the family. I didn't have/not having a baby shower, b/c most of our family & friends live in other cities.
My parents have generously offered to buy us the crib (we wanted the $120 IKEA one), and they said they'll buy us the mattress as well if no one else gets it for us.
OTOH, my ILs have not said a word about getting LO anything when we saw them back in early August. We have a pretty good relationship w/my ILs, and my MIL even gave me a birthday present back in August. Now that I have less than 2 months to go, DH & I have pretty much bought all the essential items ourselves. DH & I can definitely afford to buy everything we need so it's not really a matter of money per se, but I just feel kind of hurt that my ILs haven't made any gestures for their future grandchild.
Anyone else in the same boat?
TTC since 10/2008 RE consult 6/2010 Dx:Unexplaied IF
Failed multiple cycles of Clomid+TI and Clomid+IUI
3/2011 inj+IUI #1 BFP. 4/2011 missed m/c.
Fall 2011 inj+IUI #2&3 BFN
Jan/Feb 2012 IVF#1 BFP 2/23 EDD 10/31/2012 ~~~ Halloween ~~~
Our IVF miracle, Baby Boy M, arrived on 11/8/2012!
Failed multiple cycles of Clomid+TI and Clomid+IUI
3/2011 inj+IUI #1 BFP. 4/2011 missed m/c.
Fall 2011 inj+IUI #2&3 BFN
Jan/Feb 2012 IVF#1 BFP 2/23 EDD 10/31/2012 ~~~ Halloween ~~~
Our IVF miracle, Baby Boy M, arrived on 11/8/2012!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Anyone's parents or ILs not get your LO a gift?
Both sets of parents (1st grandbaby for both, too) haven't purchased anything beyond cute outfits and I'm fine with that. I think you should let this go. I don't think you ILs are trying to be passive agressive about anything... it's just the way it goes.
Also, some people don't get as excited beforehand. They might just be waiting to meet him/her and you'll have to ask YH to call off the hounds!
This is my second baby.
With my first, my parents bought the Best chair for the nursery (about $700 total) and a ton of clothes and random stuff. MIL bought a TON of clothes and toys, boppy, bumbo, changing pad, and the crib. I can't remember if FIL bought us anything at all, honestly, but they always have money troubles, so I wasn't expecting much.
This time around, MIL has gone off the deep end with clothes and random little things again.
I had a really sad conversation with my Mom the other day...I had left a few big things on the registry that I thought she might want to pick from to buy, and she had made a comment that she couldn't find the registry online. So I told her how to find it, and mentioned that I had left some things on there. She is coming for 2 weeks after the baby comes, and said "Oh I'll just pick up some stuff when I come visit" ok...except, we will have already bought everything we need by that time?
I think it's fine to be a little sad about it. I used to be very close with my Mom, and ever since she moved to Spain 4 years ago, we aren't as close anymore...it sucks. She usually sends nice gifts to us, and in a way, that makes me feel a little bit better. If I can't see her very often, at least she is sending nice gifts for me and DD and our family. But for her to be so far away, AND to not send anything, really has hurt my feelings. I know for a fact that money is no object for them, and it bothers me that she hasn't bought or sent anything at all.
My ILs are very superstitious and will not buy anything for the LO until she's born. This is also a Jewish tradition, and it differs with each family and what customs and traditions they have, so my own parents were fine with buying things for LO, but DH's parents will not buy anything until she's born. Once she's here I know they'll go crazy but until then they won't spend a penny on her.
Could it just be a question of traditions, customs, superstitions...?
I was just talking to DH about this the other day...
With DS (six years ago), MIL bought a ton of very, very large items which was great and very much appreciated.
MIL did buy a couple outfits and such but those were gifts for me for Mother's Day, not the baby.
I'm a little surprised she has not offered to buy anything this time around (we have a little surprise cooking and we had very little baby stuff left since we were done). It doesn't bother me except that she buys a ton of stuff for my nieces and nephews. I know this b/c my BIL mentioned he finally told her to stop b/c she was buying large items and things that they did not have room for.
My mother never spends a lot, but she did send me a check to go toward our crib which was very nice.
MIL is planning on coming to help for a few days which is much appreciated and she'll actually help where as my mother will not. She's coming a week or more after to visit and won't even stay with us. And she has several other plans while she's here.
My MIL didn't buy much for my first LO. She did end up bringing a bag full of stuff for him when we were in the hospital, but not one thing before that.
I'm on pins and needles to see what she does with this LO. Because I know she's way more excited this time around that we're having a girl, I have a feeling she's going to buy a ton more stuff for her than she did Zane. And that will make me mad, because she needs to treat both of my kids equally.
I'm not sure what kind of culture they come from, but your ILs may be from a culture that does not buy anything until the baby is born. Some cultures will only buy stuff after the baby is a few months old (comes from the old tradition that so many babies died early way back when).
I really wouldn't expect my DH to know if his parents were like that.
My parents hadn't said anything about a gift yet either, but I felt comfortable enough asking them about it. I asked my mom if there was anything she was wanting to get for the baby, because we were starting to get gifts and I wanted her to be able to pick things out, and that we needed to get some of our big ticket items. My parents bought us our travel system and my mom is flying up to come to my baby shower. Again, I felt comfortable enough asking them about it.
Ditto.
Yeah so DH and I still talk about this.
My parents bought the crib, gave me a great shower, gave us diaper money for a year...
DH's parents gave us gifts at both showers but of the amount a coworker would spend. On the otherhand, DH's parents take care of LO for a date night every month/or every other month as well as two 4-night vacations we have gone on. They will be the ones that come and take care of DS while we are in the hospital. Gifts like that are priceless.
It took me a long time to realize our families just give in different ways (even if DH and I still think it is odd that there isn't a big ticket item).
Hmm... dunno. We're not Jewish. MIL is catholic, and since LO will be the first grandchild, there's no preced ent in terms of gift-giving. I know I should just let this go, but I just can't help w/feeling that my ILs are not that excited about their first grandchild (for whatever reason). They are retired and live a very comfortable lifestyle, so again, money is not the issue here. DH & I have been married for 7 yrs and been TTC'ing #1 for 4 years, so it's not like this is an accidental pregnancy...
Failed multiple cycles of Clomid+TI and Clomid+IUI
3/2011 inj+IUI #1 BFP. 4/2011 missed m/c.
Fall 2011 inj+IUI #2&3 BFN
Jan/Feb 2012 IVF#1 BFP 2/23 EDD 10/31/2012 ~~~ Halloween ~~~
Our IVF miracle, Baby Boy M, arrived on 11/8/2012!
Both my Mother & Father are deceased. My Mom was still with us when DS#2 was born and she bought the crib matress, some decor, random things, blankets and lots of clothes. My MIL is in another state and never sent a gift. With this LO my MIL still has not sent anything, which I expected.
She is not Jewish and not superstitious she attend baby showers at her church. I assumed she didn't send a gift for DS#2 because she didn't know the sex, we knew, she didn't want to know. After he was born her sister, MH's Aunt, sent us this weird cardboard suitcase that said "off to Grandma's" but she sent it "from" my MIL. I though this was so strange because clearly it served no purpose but also because she is in NJ and we are in FL..... LO was obviously not going "off to Grandma's" lol!!!
We are completely financially able to provide for our own children it is just strange to me to not send a baby gift to your own son but whatever. FWIW DS#2, know 2, aften gets little present packages in the mail "from" Grandma, but really still from MH's Aunt, filled with little dollar toys, cars, junkfood and candy. He loves it but unfortunately because he has never met MH's Aunt and has only met his Grandma twice he really doesn't get the connection.... he just thinks presents randomly show up in the mail lol.
My In laws have only gotten my children a gift for their birthday's. Nothing before their birth or at the hospital. So starting on their 1st birthday. They have soon to be 11 Grandchildren. My son was the 1st boy in 27 years in DH family when he was born. My feelings were not hurt. I would rather they give them love and attention then material items anyway.
However, they do give 2 of the grandkids items and do not include the other grandkids. I figure it is what it is.
My MIL is even helping give a baby shower for her daughter, my SIL, in November and has gotten her lots of baby things. Our baby is due in 3+ weeks and she hasn't given or said anything. Even when we have has conversations about what she is getting her daughter.